NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Tictactic it could be anxiety or hormonal. I'd go back to the GP. TIA is transient ischemic attack or mini stroke.unlikely though. If you are on any hormones definitely see your gp again.

I had a very weird dream that I married my NC! In the dream I wanted to make a go if things and my mum warned him that he needed to treat me better as she knew about his abusive ways.

NK it's so much better when social media isn't there reminding you. I never really use messenger anymore and we were t Facebook friends anyway (my choice not his) but on the rare occasion I do he's often active and I just look at his picture and think "meh" or stick my fingers up at the phone 😂

It's going to be a glorious day here and I'm going to wash my dining room curtains. Exciting stuff!

Can I join you all? On day 2 and it’s bloody hard

Hi iwould

I didn’t do the exchange with my ex this morning. It was his suit for my hard disk, in case anybody was wondering.

I woke up and just thought, fuck this. Leaving items on doorsteps like a dead drop. I’ve blocked his number and hope I never hear from him again.

What’s going on for you iwould?

Welcome Iwould.

Well I am missing my NC today. I'm thinking he wasn't that bad even though I know he wasn't good enough for me and had huge issues and a small dick That dream has set me off thinking of him I think. It will pass as it always does.

I'm sat in the garden enjoying the sunshine and some peace and quiet whilst small one is asleep.

How's everyone doing?

Thank you for the welcome! Not doing great, I’m working from home today which should be lovely but every 10 minutes feels like a day. Please tell me it gets easier

It gets easier. I know it’s hard to believe but every contact you have sets you back about a year. In my case, anyway. A week ago it would have been a month but I had to contact him over some house matter and now I feel back to square 1.

Found out today from NC (I'd asked him about a dvd if LO's that is st his) that he's not dating and not looking. Makes me feel better to know he's not going to abuse anyone else no matter how subtlety he did it. He's perhaps not realised he's banned from the dating site

Evening all and welcome to people who have joined the thread.
@Dimeal and @Literary.. no hormones or medication involved. Perhaps the stress tipped me over the edge.
I'm much better today. I've been for 10k run plus a walk. Ive enjoyed the weather and even felt a bit of hope and happiness. I just don't understand what It was all about. I'm not going to get any answers either. I'll never see or speak to him again.
I could do with a life coach to help with direction. Counselling starts next week so I can at least offload.
@Literary. Remember crumpled socks and snoring and air beds!! Perhaps we're missing the idea rather than the person. I really had high hope for my NC I'm not getting any younger either

Tonight I can smell the gorgeous summer air and have listened to a song that he introduced me to that I loved and cried. Most tears I've shed over him. We saw them live last year and that song always reminds me of when I started to have feelings for him. It's not the type of music I normally listen to but I loved that one song. It's that bloody dream last night and needing to contact him today. It will be better tomorrow. I do keep having nightmares though. Been happening for months now and pre-dates the break up.Always before midnight. I'll have been asleep an hour or two and I have a nightmare and wake up.

Think the sunshine has made me nostalgic. It will pass but feel the most upset I've ever been over him.

God today has felt like a long old day. And more of the same to come

@tictactic I went for a run also. Very hard in the warm weather but good to be outside in the sunshine. I was doing really good today and then a man commented that I have sparrow legs and my dad told me I only ever complain. Sat here in tears now. I want to pack up my life and leave everything behind. Start again somewhere new. I know I won’t do it but my life has to change somehow.

@iwouldmarrythebeast my tip is to do so much you can’t think anymore. Yes the emotions will catch you up but short term you feel better.

@lachatnuit glad you didn’t meet with your ex today. Every contact takes you back to the start if the NC process. You can’t heal if you are still talking with them.

@literarydevil I also had the revelation today that he isn’t all bad. I don’t know but maybe it’s a good sign that you can see the good and bad in him now. The anger has gone and you accept things. Had a nasty remark made about my legs because I wore shorts. It made me remember how my ex had told me he loved my legs and he also told me to ignore people when they talk poo basically. He did care and he did like me once upon a time. Not all evil. I guess the lists which initially helped us can go in the bin now.

Was awake most of the night thinking about NC and his new gf. My anxiety is sky high and I feel sick. This is horrible.

Dimael I'm not throwing away the list. It's more important now to keep from going back to him!

Iwant it will get easier.

Literary - does it? I think my aniexty is making it worse

Good morning all. 16 days NC.
@Iwould. The early days are very tough and we've all been there. Tiredness doesn't help with anxiety so if you can't sleep see if you can get short nap or at least take it easy. Very tough he has a new girlfriend already. Keep posting. This thread really helps.
@literary. Your brain must be processing via dreams. They can sometimes feel quite real! Crying is positive. All part of processing too. I hope you find today is better, it normally is afterwards.
@Dimeal. Yes hard running in this weather. The combination of sun and endorphins from running really helped yesterday. The fog felt it was lifting from me but as we know this process isn't linear. How rude!! So your legs are slim.. wish mine were slimmer and more toned! Perhaps it was meant as a compliment in a jokey way that's not nice of your dad either. Why shouldn't we be allowed to moan, offload etc we've hurt. Maybe friends would be a better option to offload to. I know what you mean about packing up your life. I've felt like that many a time over the years. I guess you could! You've no ties are young, intelligent! Are you feeling better today?

I'm feeling much better today yet been in contact. He's still his negative, boring self so it's actually helped as reinforced how I deserve better than dating victor meldrew.

Me and the small one have spent the day outside again. I got some gardening done whilst he had a nap and have tidied the garden (again). I've sort of made up with my best friend next door. I've not got my DDs this weekend so am wondering what to do with small one and my mum.

I didn't sleep well last night. Next door was groaning in his sleep. I think both our windows were open so could hear him! I was then awake ages and small one came into my bed. The eldest was thirsty so she came and drank my water and then next door's brother borrowed his car at 5am so woke me up! Not great along with the odd dreams.

Tonight I got a free pizza from our take away which was lovely of them but there's only two of us and LO doesn't like pizza so I'll be eating pizza all weekend! And I'm supposed to give up bread from tomorrow!

Hope you all have something nice planned for the weekend and are doing ok?

Happy Friday!

Nearly done day 3. Got a delayed text from nc from day 1 that only came through this afternoon saying we need to talk. But we don’t need to, do we?

Hi all. In a bad headspace and need to go NC with someone, actually headspace is good now given I've finally realised that! He is no good for me and no good to me. Eventually I'd like to block completely but not quite ready for that yet. Would I tell him if I did? Guessing not.

And also, how do you remain strong if you receive contact? It's one thing deciding I'm not contacting him anymore but another to know what to do if I get contact, not expecting it though.

Hi Ridiculously Slow - welcome but not sure I’ve got any answers

Day 4 of nc. Feeling a bit for positive today. Or maybe just numb

I’ve managed NC since Wednesday. Basically, I was with a guy for 3 months. I’m 37 and he’s 49. He was first to say I love you and was very full on with me. Then suddenly he started crying after we had sex and at random times said he fancies me but he’s not sure if he likes my personality.

If he wanted to break up with me then of course he should have but the way he did it was horrible - phoning me to tell me he was ending it because he realised he has loved all his other partners more than me. Then started sending me loads of texts about how upset he was to lose me and how he cried himself to sleep.

We got back together and this time he dumped me in a crowded restaurant. I’m autistic so this was very hard for me and I burst into tears. I went home and he still wouldn’t leave me alone. Phone calls, texts, emails & he turned up at my door (I didn’t answer)

He has my bracelet which I left at his house and I asked him to leave it with my friend who is ten steps away from his door pretty much. He sent me this stupid fucking message about it.

When I tell him his behaviour towards me has been out of order he’s rude and pompous. And he suggested I meet him for a coffee to get the bracelet back which I’m not doing.

Nobody likes being dumped but I think he’s been really cruel and selfish towards me and he’s dramatised everything for what ends?

I meant to say he dumped me twice within the space of 2 weeks

Good god outofsync you definitely need to block and delete this guy. He's totally psycho.