NC (No Contact) thread #11: learning all the way

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

@moneyissue2 you was doing so so well! You know what though, no contact has to come to and end at some point because no matter who they are or what they did I don’t want to walk down the street and have him walk by giving me evils. No contact is what we do to recover from the loss because you can’t get over someone when they are always there can you. 30 days is enough. You got distance from him, you started rebuilding and now you have tried to clear the slate and are free to move forward.

I keep running to exhaust myself with the hope that sleep will come easily. It hasn’t happened yet though. I guess time is a healer and this will take some time.

Morning all. Day 26 here. How is everyone?

Well done NK!

Been ill for a few days so not been on here - catching up now. I am on Day 66 - bit of a setback this week as actually ran into my NC for the first time since January . Posting this just to say that even at this stage it has set me back ( Maybe being ill as well ) However I did not message him afterwards . I didn't look in his direction as he treated me badly by lying to me so really what is there to say ? It doesn't change things...

Good morning all, I haven't been on here for a few days either.
Well done NK. Day 9 here. I won't contact him and have accepted it's over but I have been feeling very low.
Bloody.. seeing him would set you back but well done on continuing NK. Who wants a liar in their life?
The healing process isn't linear but we must keep going.

Well done @Tictactic! I'm in contact with mine but strictly to do with work. I have to visualise letting him go. It's not easy but it's easier than it was.

Well done Tictac

Bloody that must have been so tough but definitely the right response. Can't even imagine getting to Day 66

I like that thought process old

It's very true!

Hi everyone, happy Friday! This time last week I was packing for our little adventure The weeks fly by.
I know it's been a little quiet of late on here but I've noticed that those who are posting are generally more positive about things. There's been a huge different in the past 10 days or so. Hopefully the healing is well and truly underway.

Hi Literary. Looks like a lot of us are trying to move on and heal. Fingers crossed this keeps going

It’s the only way forward to try and heal. Had my nails done today and went out for food and cocktails. Got to put number one first! Plus with all this running I have had to do to lately I needed some feeding! I’m about 6lbs lighter now too! Everyone seems to be doing better minus the odd hiccup and it’s good to see!!! Stronger together!!

Oh lovely Dimael sounds like a great day

So hard to let go of someone who 'you know' is that person. I'm being forced to do it. I know I could love him with everything but he doesn't want it.. I've not met anyone like him and doubt I will ever again..

True Literary. It has been quiet.. I think we are moving on.. albeit it's a slow process. I'm accepting now. I do wonder what on earth it was all about

@NK it was lovely thank you! I’ve continued the cocktails with wine at home. If you are lucky to have a child free moment then make the most of it! 🍸🍹🍷

@Tictactic I know - as much as you love someone and want to give them everything you possibly can if they don’t deserve it or want it then there is nothing more you can do. Try and put the love you have for him into yourself!

I'm feeling very hormonal this last week. I'm assuming as I've come off the pill but I keep welling up with tears over things and last night shed tears over my stbexh. Ffs he's been gone near on 6 years! He could be dead for all I care if it wasn't for the children. He's made my life hell since he left with no less than 15 trips to court and several calls and visits from social services including a full blown safeguarding investigation. But there I was crying, albeit very briefly, for the relationship I'd once had and the person I'd once loved and had two children with. Bloody hormones. I was soon fine thankfully!

I still don't feel very much regarding my recent ex. Sadness at it not working out, disappointment that all our plans are now not going to materialise, anger that he sought a relationship with me when looking at my dating profile he must have known how little we had in common in terms of music and films. He lied on his profile about wanting kids. I don't want any more now but at the time I was open to having more. When together he definitely didn't want more because he wasn't coping with the ones he's got. Pisses me off but I can't be arsed to get upset about it all, I just shrug it off. Don't get me wrong, it hurts, but I also know that he was a shit and that I've really lost nothing. I am much happier without him, more relaxed, and sleep well every night in my bed and not on the floor because of his snoring. He's the kind of guy who moaned about me sleeping on the floor. Wtf? I'm down here because of you! And moaned about carrying dc in the back carrier on long walks even though he knew my back is fucked. I'd offer to have the backpack on but he insisted on having it then moaned about how heavy dc was (dc is on the 25th percentile for weight and is not heavy at all at 15kg). Sorry bit of an unexpected rant there!

@literarydevil you go girl. Get it all out and off your chest! It will do you the world of good! Feel better for it? The sleep situation would have near on killed me, I shared a room on holiday with my friend once who snored the whole time and by day 3 I was so moody! And yeah what else were you going to do - sleep next to him and never sleep?

You know how I kept him on social media to reduce conflict with my friends. Well he has continued to like every single post of mine. Tonight he has posted a photo of a friend cat. He knows I love this cat and he never ever posts photos on Facebook - in 2 years he posted maybe 3 things on Facebook. Now this week he has posted this photo of a cat and a link to a song I like. Do you think he is trying for a reaction? I have not responded to his likes or contacted him directly in 13 days.

Hello all, haven't been on for a while so sorry for being so rubbish. Seems to have got quieter on here so hopefully that means healing is happening. How are you doing 'nk' and 'oldbrook?

'Bloody that must have been hard seeing him after so long, well done for maintaining the nc.

All ok here, thinking about nc less but still more than I should be. Seeing someone else but trying to be cool even though it's not in my nature. Don't have the same feelings as I had for nc but maybe that's a good thing. Not sure still if it's a good idea or bad idea!!! Oh well, no straight lines and all that!

Morning all.
Is anyone else struggling with motivation? I'm better than I was for sure but still find myself thinking about him. Reading the dating thread, I was lovebombed..Classically, despite being cautious and wary I started to trust him. Then bam.. he's gone.
It was only a few months!!! I've no idea why it has effect me so much? I was falling for him and wanted to. I've had other long term relationships and a marriage.. he really did seem so promising and there was definitely a connection.
Literary. Hormones are a nightmare! I too have found myself thinking about other relationships.
Dimael.. so he is following you on the running app even though he isn't running himself, Facebook likes and posting things he knows you like which is unusual for him. Sounds to me like he is putting the feelers out..

Dimael I really would block him because he's just playing games with you for a reaction. He probably thinks he's in with a chance as you've still got him on there. Unfollow at least. Your friends won't even know and neither will he but if you won't block then at least you won't see stuff. I really don't think friends care who else you have on Facebook.

@Dimael I know I should and every single relationship breakdown I have removed them from social media immediately. This one felt different and I couldn’t do it. I’m weaker this time but I guess the love was stronger. Yeah I know it’s probably all just a game or an ego trip of some sort.It’s not helping me move on.

@literarydevil oops I meant for you not me! Haha!

@Tictactic i’m trying not to rise to it. I know if I react we go back to square one! And it’s not a good plan. His friend messaged me as well last night after the cat photo was posted asking me if I was talking to him. Why after 3 weeks would his friend contact me? I answered with no not anymore, why? I got no reply to that. Probably the situation has been discussed. Men are off characters when he could easily call me or text me himself - like back at high school this stuff and he’s 37! 😂

@Tictactic don’t be too harsh on yourself. If someone is there saying everything you want to hear, treating you perfectly then every single one of us would fall for it. And perhaps his feelings were genuine to start with, you just will never know. Us women we over analyse things, I am doing it myself last night after a few drinks. We have to stop thinking about what went wrong and right and forget the whole ever happened. I am going to try more distraction techniques.