Can't forgive DP's fuck up

[CougheeBean]

DP has always been shit with money. He can't seem to be able to figure out how much he spends in relation to what he earns. We only have a joint account for bills and a small pot of (my) savings with the understanding that he may only 'borrow' from the savings account when there are issues with his pay, as I was becoming stressed with him asking to borrow money from me every few months.

It's all gone. We won't even have enough to pay rent and bills next week - not without me subsidising by several hundred pounds from my own savings. He's spent all of the savings. Half of what I contributed to the bills this month. And everything he's earned.

I have been under so much stress and we argued yesterday over him failing to offer any help, either practically or financially (we have had a very expensive problem this month, my savings are in tatters - he hasn't contributed a thing). I guess now I know why.

I can't believe he's been so selfish and greedy. That was never his money to spend. It was a gesture so that he wouldn't have to beg and grovel for bus money when his pay was messed up. He's nothing but a man child and I have never been so disappointed in him. We spoke about this last month - when the situation wasn't as bad. I offered to contribute more towards bills as long as he promised to repay what he owes me. He spent more. And he spent the extra £200 I put towards bills, it's gone. I don't get paid again for 3 weeks.

There's no coming back from this, is there.

He needs to leave. Tell him you need some space, he'll have to stay with friends or relatives.

I've told him I don't want booze or expensive crap! It all gets poured down the sink, he insists on pouring us both drinks every night which neither of us want. I've been telling him it's a huge waste for ages but he used to use his own money (as is his right) and I've only now realised that recently he's decided to use MY money to 'treat' me to things I don't want.

What on earth has he spent it on? Has it just been frittered or do you think there’s more to this?

I don’t think I’d be able to get back from this, definitely not. Whose name is the lease in and how much longer does it have to run? What are your options?

I’m so sorry, this is a horrible situation.

I hate him so much at the moment. He's so good at playing the bumbling nice guy. The one who doesn't mean to fuck up but the world just never aligns around him in a nice way. It's never his fault.

To be honest I thought he was more idiot than cunt. I can live with a kind idiot who can't count but means well. I thought I bloody loved one. But idiot AND cunt? How could I be so stupid.

There are no kids and he hasn't changed before so ring a relative to come and collect his stuff and throw him out. I've heard too many stories of poor partners screwing up finances, even if you take control of the money he will spend everything he has before the end of the week/month and come begging, you could give him pocket money, like you say he is a manchild..... not attractive.

So what redeeming quilaties does he have exactly?

I hate the glib LTB responses to many threads, but I can't see any other solution. You'd be an absolute goon to stay with someone like this.

Hopefully this has been a harsh lesson about not sharing finances with fuckwits.

If you really feel you must try to rescue things then the only solution is that you control all the accounts and he gets an allowance- not a situation I'd want.

He's dyspraxic possibly dyslexic and I think that's a key issue

It's not, lots of people find budgeting hard- they learn. His choice to ignore you is about selfishness. Dyslexia certainly has nothing to do with terrible decision making.

My ex was Dyspraxic, he was an utter thundercunt and a pants human being... but he wasn't shit with money and knew fine well when we had less money to spend not to go and spend it!

That's not an excuse, he's either no managed to age past 10 yrs old or he just doesn't give a fuck because you're always there to pick up the pieces for him.

Massive cross post, apologies I was just replying to your OP and the first two posts and the thread moved on.

"(but because the current account is joint he can transfer funds out of my savings into the current account if that makes sense). "

Not to me it doesn't if the savings account is only in your name!

What are you getting out this odd relationship?

You can't pour water into a bucket with a hole in it and expect to be able to carry the water anywhere. He's the hole.

it doesn't matter how much you love him, he's a hole in your bucket.

*out of

You have no ties to this man (no kids, your not married) so kick him out, he doesn’t really sound good for anything and now you can’t trust him with money. Your working your ass off for him to spend it on things you/he doesn’t need or want. He sounds like a waste of space.

He's going to end up sleeping rough if he's so clueless and idiotic. How old is he? I had more sense and knew how to budget so that I could pay bills when I left home at 16. Don't let him drag you down with him.

I think you need to end this relationship OP. If you live together ghosting isn't really an option, tempting though it is. You need to do the grown up thing and tell him it's over and ask him to move out. If he can't afford the place on his own anyway then if you're splitting he's got to find somewhere cheaper. I couldn't live with someone who was so thoughtless and irresponsible and it doesn't sound like you can either.

Lease is in my name, luckily. I have a lot of safety nets and that is one of them - I can afford our home by myself. He has no credit rating so it would have been pointless to pay £250 for the estate agent to credit check him in order to have him on the contract.

He won't leave though. He's not answering his phone right now. Can't say I blame him. But I know he won't leave when he's asked.

Why not just get him to leave?

Oh btw - my 14 year old has adhd, asd and dyspraxia - and he can be trusted with a five pound note to go to the shop and buy milk and nothing else, and that's because he respects money that's not his. His father (I suspect) had many of these issues himself, but he fundementally didn't respect my money, and thus he was a hole in my bucket!

but because he's paid weekly now instead of monthly he insists it's the same salary.

WTF?!

colditz "he's a hole in your bucket"

You've given me a sodding earworm now!

If you are solely on the lease, you can get an emergency locksmith round now and get the locks changes

Does he have an alcohol issue? Is he buying treats for you so he can justify buying booze for himself? Asking him to leave is probably a good option anyway, as he has no regard for you.

Waiting for someone to wonder why it isn't all family money. This is why. Some people just can't be trusted, not dishonest, just feckless and always find a way to end up in debt.
Sorry for you op. Good for you if you can move on

You're not even married to him, with no kids? Get rid of him! He'll bring you down and life is too short to look after a man child