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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't forgive DP's fuck up

313 replies

CougheeBean · 26/03/2018 13:03

DP has always been shit with money. He can't seem to be able to figure out how much he spends in relation to what he earns. We only have a joint account for bills and a small pot of (my) savings with the understanding that he may only 'borrow' from the savings account when there are issues with his pay, as I was becoming stressed with him asking to borrow money from me every few months.

It's all gone. We won't even have enough to pay rent and bills next week - not without me subsidising by several hundred pounds from my own savings. He's spent all of the savings. Half of what I contributed to the bills this month. And everything he's earned.

I have been under so much stress and we argued yesterday over him failing to offer any help, either practically or financially (we have had a very expensive problem this month, my savings are in tatters - he hasn't contributed a thing). I guess now I know why.

I can't believe he's been so selfish and greedy. That was never his money to spend. It was a gesture so that he wouldn't have to beg and grovel for bus money when his pay was messed up. He's nothing but a man child and I have never been so disappointed in him. We spoke about this last month - when the situation wasn't as bad. I offered to contribute more towards bills as long as he promised to repay what he owes me. He spent more. And he spent the extra £200 I put towards bills, it's gone. I don't get paid again for 3 weeks.

There's no coming back from this, is there.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 27/03/2018 09:55

I'm so sorry, Coughee. Devastating for you.

It's encouraging though that you've moved through to indifference towards your STBX. I don't know how one could ever come back from selfish behaviour which meant you couldn't see off your friend in the way you wanted to.

Do you find the Rainbow Bridge a helpful concept? Even though I could see it's just a story I found it very comforting when we lost our pet a few months ago.

DancesWithOtters · 27/03/2018 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peekyboo · 27/03/2018 09:57

So sorry about your lovely pet OP. Please consider borrowing from a friend or talking to the vet about paying in instalments if cremation is what you wanted. You know you can afford it, just not immediately. I hope it all works out as simply as possible for you.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 27/03/2018 09:58

CougheeBean, I've followed your thread over the last couple of days and I take my hat off to your strength. Losing your pet must feel like the absolute last straw, I am so very sorry.

I'm glad things look better on the 'D'P front but I'm sure it's little consolation now. Regarding the cremation costs, is there a place that will let you spread the costs? I had my horse cremated so I know these things ain't cheap but equally the crematoriums know that people sometimes need to pay in instalments. Your vet might be able to recommend someone?

rascallyrascal · 27/03/2018 10:01

I'm so sorry about your pet. Xxx

RoseTiger · 27/03/2018 10:03

I am so sorry to hear you have lost your beloved pet, a horrible end to what must have been a truly awful day for you.
You seem like a very strong, independent woman, now you are rid of your 'D'P you can get on with your life the way you want it to be. Flowers

Mustang27 · 27/03/2018 10:05

@CougheeBean I'm so sorry that your pet lost their fight. This is hard no matter what's going on in your life but made a million times worse by all of this. Massive hugs ThanksThanks.

My only advice is don't ever talk let him pay you back thinking he has something to hope for but it sounds like you have given this man enough of your life already. Move onwards and upwards and do not look back.

In the cremation front can't you speak to your vet explain what's happened and see if you could either pay it at a later date or a payment plan? Most vets Iv known are very reasonable especially when it comes to the death of a pet.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/03/2018 10:07

You poor love, I'm so very sorry. 🌹🐾

blueskyinmarch · 27/03/2018 10:08

I am so sorry you have lost your pet. It must feel like so much to cope with on top of everything else. Be kind to yourself. Thanks

CotswoldStrife · 27/03/2018 10:11

Sorry to hear about your pet, OP Flowers

Redpony1 · 27/03/2018 10:28

So sorry to hear about your pet Flowers

SevenStones · 27/03/2018 10:32

So sorry to hear about your beloved pet. Flowers

GeekyWombat · 27/03/2018 10:33

So sorry to read your latest update OP. Thinking of you and hoping you're doing ok today.

RandomMess · 27/03/2018 10:51

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks

Bluntness100 · 27/03/2018 10:54

I'm sorry about your pet. I know how devastating that can be. It's like losing a family member, be kind to yourself today 💐

OyO · 27/03/2018 11:08

So sorry to see your update, OP.

Things will get better Flowers

For cremation, I’ve used a guy called Brian in Epworth for years and would highly recommend him. He’s very down to earth so I’m sure would understand if you were unable to pay in one lump sum.

www.allpetsatpeace.co.uk

Jux · 27/03/2018 11:13

Oh gosh. I'm so sorry Flowers

TempusEejit · 27/03/2018 11:22

So sorry for your loss OP

StaplesCorner · 27/03/2018 11:30

I am so sorry, I know how this feels first hand we lost our dog 3 years ago and even though I have another one now, the boy I lost is on my mind every day; please come over and talk on the Doghouse thread, it literally saved my sanity. I borrowed £200 from a friend for the cremation we had nothing at the time, she was really kind and I paid her back about 6 weeks later no worries - alternatively the vet would have done it and waited for the money; not sure where you are on it all today but I know that cremation can help - we buried dog's ashes under a tree. I also used the Blue Cross pet bereavement service for support and advice - was best thing I did.

In the meantime, well done for getting rid of that arsewipe partner. Is there anyone in RL who can support you whilst you are going through all this?

sportyfool · 27/03/2018 11:35

Pet cremations send you an invoice and usually give you a good month to pay so by the time it's all organised it will be around 6 weeks .

bakingdemon · 27/03/2018 11:41

Sending you lots of love OP ThanksThanksThanks

GaraMedouar · 27/03/2018 11:48

Sorry to hear OP Flowers

Gemini69 · 27/03/2018 12:56

So sorry to read your update OP Flowers

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/03/2018 13:02

I echo that - when my old boy was PTS eighteen months ago, I was sent the bill for his cremation quite a bit later.

My condolences on the loss of your pet.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2018 13:08

I am sorry op FlowersFlowers. Let go of 12 or so stone of baggage now.

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