Can't forgive DP's fuck up

[CougheeBean]

DP has always been shit with money. He can't seem to be able to figure out how much he spends in relation to what he earns. We only have a joint account for bills and a small pot of (my) savings with the understanding that he may only 'borrow' from the savings account when there are issues with his pay, as I was becoming stressed with him asking to borrow money from me every few months.

It's all gone. We won't even have enough to pay rent and bills next week - not without me subsidising by several hundred pounds from my own savings. He's spent all of the savings. Half of what I contributed to the bills this month. And everything he's earned.

I have been under so much stress and we argued yesterday over him failing to offer any help, either practically or financially (we have had a very expensive problem this month, my savings are in tatters - he hasn't contributed a thing). I guess now I know why.

I can't believe he's been so selfish and greedy. That was never his money to spend. It was a gesture so that he wouldn't have to beg and grovel for bus money when his pay was messed up. He's nothing but a man child and I have never been so disappointed in him. We spoke about this last month - when the situation wasn't as bad. I offered to contribute more towards bills as long as he promised to repay what he owes me. He spent more. And he spent the extra £200 I put towards bills, it's gone. I don't get paid again for 3 weeks.

There's no coming back from this, is there.

He's just told you! He's gambling!

..and here is where it starts to come out.

I reckon he's been 'treating' you with money he's won, and kidding himself that that was profit.

Omg please don't move out of the flat (I hope I've got that wrong)

I think you need to get some support in real life. Why are you still communicating with him, he is a liar and he stole your money. Its about as bad as it gets.

You are obviously going through a very hard time and your pet is sick, so I understand it must be hard to think straight, have you got any family or friends in real life to help you today?

Don't move out OP, it's in your name, he has to go (& you don't want him to trash it and you end up paying for that too).

Don't move out! Send him to the shops, whilst he's gone, pack a bag for him & he can go & stay somewhere else.

She's not moving out of her flat. She's packing a few things, getting her dog and staying at her friends this evening.
Leaving him with no electricity for a night!
She can walk in whenever she wants to throw him out but tonight she wants some space.

he's been fired from every job he's had (around the 100 mark)

Sorry: he's applied for, taken and been sacked from ONE HUNDRED jobs? How on earth has he managed that? That's ten years of a new job every month! He he must pretty bloody good at something for people to keep employing him.

I'm in the US so I don't understand about the meters. You mean that you have to put coins in like a parking meter to keep the power on?

Oh, and go buy some new lock barrels so you can change the locks the minute he's gone. There are good YouTube step by step videos.

I think you know what you need to do OP. I think you just let him run out of electric and when he's out go and change the locks.

How is the pet doing?

You mean that you have to put coins in like a parking meter to keep the power on?

As a last, desperate resort for households whose finances are so chaotic that it's the only way the electricity company can have some hope of being paid. Usually pre-pay cards these days, because actually having boxes full of coins ripe for stealing was too much temptation for some. If you have been cut off for non-payment one time too many, the only option you will be offered if you want electricity is a pre-payment meter. That the OP's flat is on a pre-payment meter says this is not the first time this has proven to be a problem.

Could you get some legal advice, OP? Or have a chat with the Landlord? He sounds like he's going to be a sneaky bugger to get rid of, considering you're his meal ticket. Do you think he'd go back home to his Mum? I feel for you, he sounds infuriating. You're not his mother, joint should be joint, not one person putting everything in and the other taking it back out. I hope you're ok x

Oh OP you call him DP in your title, but he really isn't a partner. Your OP makes shocking reading. I hope you can get it all sorted and soon.

Yea exactly that Across

Why are you leaving? He’s the one who needs to go, I can’t believe he’s not been out on his ear ages ago

You buy credit in a local store and put it on the meter. So you pay in advance and can’t run up debts

Of course he won't want to leave. He's got it cushy right where he is. Glad to hear you don't believe a word of his latest waffle.

Tricky if he's in the house and also bloody tricky if you have a joint account, as you will need his signature to get him taken off it, and it sounds unlikely he will agree to that. I'd talk to your bank asap to ask what you can do and how soon you can do it to unpick this money-tick from your life!

He sounds awful. Get rid asap.

Casino 😮🤔😡
Get him out Bean, he's living off your back, and having you for a cash cow. No going back !
Hope your pet makes a speedy recovery.🌸

I'd rather not leave but I don't want a huge drama over it all, I'm shattered and pet already has ulcers from stress and I will not allow raised voices around them.

It would be a treat if he leaves peacefully but realistically I'll have to starve him out

CuboidalSlipshoddy - little unfair, many rented properties have pre-payment metres now, it's very hard and expensive to get them changed back to normal metres to recieve bills and many landlords can't be bothered. It is more likely that this property has traditionally housed lower paid tenants.

But being a relatively cheap is good, in that the OP can cover the bills by herself without needing any contribution from the cock womble.

Honestly OP, stay strong, a week from now you'll feel a lot better! Might be worth thinking about moving though, he may well have run up debts linked to his property.

I might be wrong but... is it possible to just take your own name off the joint account? In case he won't sign. Take your own money out, whatever you think is fair. Leave 50p in it And then leave the account up to him. Use your own account only from now on.

Can't you just close the joint account?
You're not going to need it moving forward anyway.
It's fairly easy to have the direct debits seamlessly moved over to a new account.

Sweet baby Jesus. He's complaining he has no access to your account. Fuck me, that takes some balls.

Don't leave. Get him out. Don't give him any money. Let them go over due. Get home. Pack his stuff and call the police.