GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

[Ifonlyhewould]

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

oops, that wasn't very short and quick was it LOL!

pc great news about the flat

but when is he going to learn that saying he loves you means nothing if he doesn't show it

how insensitive to be so happy about seeing the boys knowing full well how many times he has (and continues to) let dd down

pc you're amazing - I have no idea how you cope with all of this.

so glad you're seeing a counsellor though and getting your flat sorted. at least you're doing something positive and putting yourself and your daughter first.
I hope the day comes when he can do that too xx

thanks MLS.

am furious now! the postman just delivered a letter that was underpaid and undelivered. i paid £1.24 to have it delivered.

what is it? it's his bloody maintenance cheque that he claimed he posted at teh end of june!!!

i actually got the maintenance paid in as cash so i had the money and he said to destroy the cheque.

can't believe he didn't even put a blood stamp on it and it's cost ME money!

i will be keeping the cheque and hope he hasn't cancelled it as if he's late again i'll cash it!

cash it anyway! you deserve it!

pc go cash it!!!

I think you are dealing with everything amazingly. But you are my new superhero anyway

Having met you any man should kiss your feet daily and be gratefula woman as wonderful as you would allow him into your life! H is blind and cant see past his nose.

I wish i could wave a majic wand and make it all right for everyone. Or send all twat hubbies to a desert island.

no point cashing it as he doesn't have any money. noticed it's made out to himself too so i'd have to put in the joint account.

anyways, i'll hang on to it for now.

thanks for the kind words sugar, you sound really strong despite the hurt of H not being in touch. really what a heartless man he is. i think it hurts us so much because we chose them and we feel responsible for that choice. that's how i feel anyway.

rationally tho, i know we chose them when they were different people.

my offer got knocked back so i upped it 2k, waiting to hear back now.....

Youre all sounding very strong and positive at the moment, hope this bodes well!

PC - a maintenance cheque made out to himself ? And doesnt having to pay postage make you really mad!

Sugar - LOL at twat hubbies on an island together. Maybe that could be a new reality tv show - Im a twunt, get me out of here!

ss how about im a twunt hubby which wife gets to do a prince albert on me!!

Pc am nervous for you let us know if they accept the offer?

Guess what... we applied to Relate last December. Yes DECEMBER!

After constant chasing, "very busy over the festive period", "your local branch is booked up and only does one session a week, on a monday at midnight" type of thing... him leaving, me finding out about the affair, him coming back, me finding out again, him leaving again, him coming back and begging for forgiveness, him changing his mind and leaving again.... blah blah blah... well back in May, just before he left for the last time we contacted them in desperation and asked if we could go to a different branch, (over an hour's drive away), just to get an appointment.

They rang, TODAY, and said can we make it at 6.30 tonight!!!

So we have our first Relate appointment in a couple of hours!! Pity it's too late and we've already split up for good. But hoping it will get me some answers to why the twunt did it all anyway!
Wish me luck!!

I doubt whether "congratulations" or "enjoy" are appropriate responses but... ah well, better late than never they say (but in this case they could be wrong). It'll give you a chance to practise some cool, cutting comments in a controlled atmosphere - and do dress up in your sexiest outfit won't you?

I definitely will!

Looking forward to hearing what he has to say for himself to be honest!

Am prepared to hear things I won't like. And to accept my own faults. But I doubt he is!

mls goodluck tonight. be prepared for it being very emotional.will be thinking of you x

MLS - is this your consultation session? We had one of those and then had to go on the waiting list for actual session - cue two months down the line, relationship almost irrepairable.

Hope yours goes OK. You never know what will come of it. At least he is still prepared to go.

thanks guys

yes dior first ever session so no idea what will happen or where will go from here.
(another few months wait won't make any difference now!)

but to be honest just to actually talk will be a relief. we get on fine because we never actually get into a serious discussion anymore because he buries his head in the sand.

I think I need to let him do the talking and explaining. I'm fed up of listening to myself!!

Well, if it is any help, I can tell you what happened in my first session?

The counsellor that we saw did not end up being the one that we have as our regular one. She took lots of details but only of the whole picture. You won't have time to go into the nitty gritty as it really is for them to get a feel of what has happened in the relationship. In our case, we then went on a waiting list for a regular session.

HTH

my heads been swimming since last night when h gf1 phoned for a chat, actually a nice girl. whats thrown me is that she has told me he really didnt want to have sex with her and kept making excuses not to just said lets cuddle instead.

does that mean he wants me? or just that he didnt want her? Apparently gf2 looks like a man dresses like a man drinks and smokes like a man with pierced eyebrow and tongue. Im not brave enough to have anything pierced personally!

His behaviour has been diabolical but been looking up his behaviour and it came back with bipolar- manic depressive.

I am so confused now. Do i give up walk aaway. Or knowing there is actually something wrong hang around and when his ready to let me, do i help him?

Sugar plum - i too looked up about depressive disorders and not saying this is the case but you can put a lot of people into that cagogry. I do believe in depression as i have suffered and taken AD and it is the most awful place to be but i think maybe too much is 'labelled' these days. Just dont want you to excuse his behaviour with an illness.

I do think we 'allow' ourselves to be treated like this (and i include myself in this too). My H only came crawling back and it was crawling when i really had come to the end of my patience and
'given up' on us ever getting back together. I think it is when we take our live in our own hands and start to make it on our own that if they are going to come back they will. It was almost too late for us and he really had a lot of convincing to do.

What i am saying is stop looking for excuses for what he has done - there may be a medical reason but there may not be. Concentrate on your life now and dont give him anymore power over your life now.

This is not meant in a harsh way as i have been where you are too.

hi all, first offer refused so increased 2k and was accepted.

ifa has now told me it could take 8 weeks for mortgage offer to come thru due to the only lender available to me on this scheme being crap.

so much for the govt. affordable housing intiative. if they want it to work they've got to get more high st lenders on board FFS.

ah well, we sail headlong into stress i guess.

sugar, you're not over-thinking this are you? i think maybe you think that they think that we think we might be over-thinking this

sorry, just being a bit flippant!

HW speaks some wisdom and i am more than guilty of using H's depression to excuse his behaviour. even my counsellor said yesterday that no form of illness is an excuse for bad behaviour.

even so, pretty crappy information to be given by gf1. in my totally honest opinion, it might just be best to not have any communication with her - you can't be sure she's telling you the truth or not mate.

Sugar hon don't try and excuse him he has done it before no??
Ah well have kinda reached a sad place here - I love (D)H but I will never forgive him - I can't live with what he did and the lies he told and cannot live with him seeing her and her baby
Love him but don't want him anymore - went to party together on sat (very close neighbours 80th) with friends of ours he was v drunk I wasn't and my friend could see how much he was anoying me
Trying to withdraw emotionally now and think he senses it ....we are going to our flat in Spain next week and am going to tell him I think we have to face facts and try and seperate properly (finances business homes NO sex)- will be hard he wil get angry or pathetically sad - I amnot good at dealing with either.....but I reckon if we are there he cannot walk away, go to pub or contact her
Wish me luck I know it will be hard and terrified of being by myself with DD and new baby

just found out tonight i am being taken to court to reposses th ehouse and on other thread being told may have to go into b&b

sugar - cant he do something more amicable than that?

MacD - sorry to hear you have come to this conclusion, but hope it gives you more peace of mind. God knows you could use it.

PC - good luck with the mortgage - hope it comes through quicker though!

Dior your post at 15.55 yesterday summed up the session exactly. Can't add anymore than that as that was exactly what happened!
Although it was great to get it all out and start to hear a different perspective on things.
Made me realise that even though I can never forgive him now, I can try to understand why it happened and learn from it. And hopefully he can too.

I was guilty of letting him 'get away' with things due to his depression too, but I really am at the stage where I don't believe depression causes you to lose all sense of what is right and wrong. However bad you feel, you still know that having an affair is the wrong thing to do (to say the least!)

Sugar I hope you're ok. And I think hurtwife's advice to you is excellent. Maybe there will be hope further down the line, but his behaviour is inexcuseable and you have to try to move on with your own life and let him prove himself first. He's let you down in every possible way. I cannot believe that about the house
I hope you're ok?

PC great news that you had the offer accepted anyway.

macd you must follow your heart and do whatever feels right. you will cope. and you and your children may be much happier in the long run. if you no longer enjoy his company maybe you don't have anything left to build on. I think he has pushed you too far

So, why DID it happen? I hope he didn't try to put the blame all on you? My h says that we would be happy if I was not depressed and could lose the weight. Apparently he would fancy me then which would make the sex side of things better. Also, we are 'fine' when I'm not depressed ...

I'm sorry that you feel it is completely over . What does your h say?

MLS I was thinking about the session - one really is not enough but i am glad you felt a bit better about it. You are so right about depression not being an excuse. There are some things that are just right and wrong and that is it.

I get very cross when people excuse their awful disrepectful behaviour on something else. And too many people think is none of their bussiness what goes on in relationships. If we could all as a society could be more open and honest i think a lot of the problems could be solved - Sound like a pollitian now (anyone vote for me?). Hope it gives you some peace anyway it works for us.

OW going in for induction tonight (2 weeks overdue) - don't know how I feel any more just tired just don't have any more to give just want it to be over and know it never will be