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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

998 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 12:32

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 13/07/2007 13:35

Totally agree

sallysparrow · 13/07/2007 15:06

Sugar, hope DS is doing well!

That was a lovely thing to do, PC. Its horrible hanging around in hospitals on your own.

MLS - did you get your car sorted out?

mylittlestar · 13/07/2007 15:10

Yes thank you it's all sorted

Police still trying to trace the woman that hit me though. Silly cow! She's in more trouble for driving off than she would have been for just stopping and admitting what she'd done! There wasn't much damage at all. I'd have been happy not to even go through the insurance if she'd have been decent enough to stop!

How are you anyway?

ohsmellyjelly · 13/07/2007 19:59

Glad you're ok MLS how's things?

Totally agree with you Dior about real friends, MN is great!!

sallysparrow · 13/07/2007 21:59

I hope this wwoman turns out to have insurance, MLS. years ago our car was hit by a car driven by a young girl who panicked and drove off - but tried to lose us by indicationg one way and turning the other - we caught up with her (she'd driven into a cul-de-sac) and i sat on the bonnet of her car while P went to a house to ask to use their phone. my Mum was horrified when i told her - she had visions of them driving off at high speed and me flying over the top like something out of the Sweeney. They did turn out to have insurance, but there was another who didnt.

Good luck with that anyway!

I am feeling quite low to be honest - had a bit of a rant on Diors thread. Have too much on my mind at the moment - trying to deal with mortgage applications, problems at work, leaving one commitee only to get pressganged on to another, organising DDs holiday club, and somehow having a bit of a life in between.

I know none of it is as big as some people are coping with - I really feel for Sugar at the moment, with her DS post op! - but even little things are feeling magnified. I suppose it had to hit me harder at some point.

its funny, i had an email from an old friend today, who said she thought I was a strong person and she didnt think i would go straight into a rebound relationship. Trouble is, im so unlikely to have a rebound relationship, that Im scared Ill ever have one again.

I know its horribly hypocritical, but i keep seeing blokes and thinking - what if I could only get one like that? Im too independent to see someone just for the sake of having a man, but the trouble is some of the - shall we say - geekier elements of society seem to think i like them just because I cant be rude to someones face. So I will end up avoiding that kind of situation.

Sorry to bang on about it. I dont suppose the weather is helping - if I was out on the beach every weekend Id probably be a lot more optimistic!

Dumbledior · 14/07/2007 22:33

Just to let you lot know I have added a photo to page 3 of the MSN group site. It is me at my most recent, although you can only see my face

macdoodle · 14/07/2007 22:42

You look gorgeous to me and not anywhere close to fat - sorry think your H is prick and cannot believe he is serious

Paddlechick666 · 15/07/2007 08:56

i've added some pics from our trip to sweden to MSN now.

Dior, I haven't commented on your situation for a little while. only due to my not really knowing what to say!

but, i've just seen your picture and i honestly think your dh should be had up for mental cruelty.

you are incredibly pretty and clearly a very warm and loving person. for him to have affected your self confidence and self image so badly by his attitude and comments is a disgrace.

i know how hard a physically abusive relationship can hit your self esteem and how hard it is to fight that but you must try and stop letting him and his opinions affect you so negatively.

as for the work situation with D & G, I think you've already figured out that you are focussing and projecting far too much onto both due to your unhappiness elsewhere in your life.

please please try to take a step back from G, it won't help anyone or anything to continue obsessing over him.

Dumbledior · 15/07/2007 09:41

PC - it is not a physically abusive marriage. 'Just' emotional. Thanks for your kind words both of you they mean alot.

Dumbledior · 15/07/2007 09:46

And PC, yes, I have realised that G is not the person I am holding him up to be. It is mainly my imagination because I want him to be my knight in shining armour. I'm afraid his armour is very rusty in truth . The clarity of my situation is gradually filtering through.

Paddlechick666 · 15/07/2007 09:51

dior, i know it's not a physically abusive marriage. i was just trying to draw the comparison that mental and physical abuse can be equally destructive to your self confidence.

and IMO, from what you've said about your H's comments etc that he's being mentally abusive.

macdoodle · 15/07/2007 10:01

Dior hon my heart really hurts for you - you look beautiful to me and MUCH thinner than me at my fattest - but as I said before my (D)H used to go on about my weight and after the affair he blamed me by saying I was "repulsive" As it was I lost the weight after he left I think because I wasn't so worn down and unhappy all the time....and my self esteem was in my boots why do we let them do it to us

ginnedupmummy · 15/07/2007 14:54

Message withdrawn

Dumbledior · 15/07/2007 19:52

Thank everyone. I know you are all being too kind, but I like the comments anyway .

PC - lovely photos.

lou33 · 15/07/2007 19:54

see? we cant all be wrong dior!

Dumbledior · 15/07/2007 19:58

No, you are all just being supportive and making me feel good about myself. I still like it though, even if I don't believe it

lou33 · 15/07/2007 20:02

no we are being honest

you just cant believe it because your confidence is so low

i was like that i remember

sallysparrow · 15/07/2007 21:24

Lou is right Dior!

PC - your pics are lovely too. Your LO is so cute!

mylittlestar · 16/07/2007 08:51

hurtwife - are you ok? (saw your post on katherinez's thread so was just wondering?)

xx

sugar34plum · 16/07/2007 16:31

hi everyone. havent had time to catch up with everyones news. sorry.

Pc you rock!!! Cant thank you enough fo rbeing there with me and luke on thursday couldnt of got through it without you.Thankyou. thankyou. thankyou xxxx

Just to update you luke is doing great back to being the little so and so that he is! We have switch on in 2 parts 1st 1 is 15th august and again on 16th august so exciting days when he will hear for the first time. Im sure he will switch me off as soon as he hears me telling him off. Or when i simply get on his nerves talking too much!

H did not even call to see if he was ok and hasnt called since. not really going to go into in but am very low about this and feel sick to my stomach over it. But life goes on and my dc are well so thats most important.

I will catch up soon and i hope everyone is ok?

hurtwife · 16/07/2007 17:52

Im ok thanks MLS. School holidays have started now so manic months ahead!! We are getting on fine and he is being fantastic - booked a couple of breaks away just for the two of us (sod the cost!!), while we are together things are fantstic, it is only when he has gone to work that i feel low again and so many things trigger the memories and i sometimes wonder if all this pain is worth it after all. The anger mainly which makes me want to scream so loudly. But i know it is early days too and i think it is getting less and becoming more normal again.

Dumbledior · 16/07/2007 19:59

Sugar - that is really bad . How can he not care or think about his child?

sallysparrow · 16/07/2007 20:31

Sugar - that is so sad. What must be going on in his head?

But brilliant that your DS is doing so well!

mylittlestar · 17/07/2007 08:45

Sugar so good to hear from you - so glad he is doing well! Children are amazing with their ability to recover so fast aren't they! Glad he's getting back to his normal michievious little self!

hurtwife glad you're ok. I can't imagine how hard it must be with him going back to work. You're amazing the way you cope with all of this. I understand that anger... where you just feel like you could explode at times! And it seems like the stupidest smallest things trigger the memories and those feelings of sickness in the bottom of your stomach

I think you're right though. As the time passes it will all gradually fade and even though it may be there still, it'll be tucked away in a corner at the back of your mind and one day, you'll be able to decide if you want to think about it, and if you don't, then you can keep it buried!

just caught up with the rest of the thread too... sallysparrow I feel very similar to you in lots of ways. I don't want a rebound relationship. And not sure if I would put my trust in anyone for a long time! But at the same time I do want to get out and meet people and move on...

Have had a couple of complete nutters chat me up on nights out recently, and I find it hard to be horrible to them or be really straight and say get lost! But at times just want to say 'do you really think you have a chance with me'?!!!

Not in a big headed way. But seriously, if I ever let another man into my life he's going to have to be pretty special!
(And all the good ones seem to be taken )

Paddlechick666 · 17/07/2007 08:59

hi all

just a quickie, busy day today!

i've put an offer in on a flat which i saw on saturday. going to have another look this morning. doubt my offer will be accepted as it's ridiculously low but am prepared to go a bit higher.

am quite nervous about it, it's ok but not fantastic. i missed out on a better one in the same area and am worried that i am having a bit of a knee-jerk reaction.

but, it's a good size, in my price range and near a good school. not such a great area but only 15mins by car from where i am now. it's 3rd floor and no lift tho ;-(

had a session with a counsellor yesterday which was difficult. spent a lot of last night dribbling tears but not full on sobbing iyswim. i think it will get worse as i acknowledge more of my emotions. have been stifling things too long. counsellor is keen for me to recognise that it's not just together or divorce and that there could be some middle ground. where i can have a life and provide for dd without cutting H out all together.

tbh, i feel like sticking 2 fingers up at him and walking away totally. he missed his sunday agreement yet again due to seeing his eldest boy. his ex has finally caved in (after absolutely nothing pro-active on his part. he basically ignored her request for an amicable conversation until she said okay you can see the kids) and he sees them this weekend. i did say i'd happily combine sundays with the others but anticipated there would be few sundays for dd on her own first. am incredibly hurt that he is jumping around so excited about seeing the boys but has consistently ignored all opportunities to see dd.

and he says he loves us......

i am just too tired to keep this up.

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