GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

[Ifonlyhewould]

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

hi lilybubble

sorry to hear what an arse he's being.

it's so shocking and so sad how these people change so much isn't it. I think we're all starting to see tiny glimmers of hope that we will come out better, and stronger, in the long run.

I too get to the stage where I just don't want to talk about it or think about it anymore. It's exhausing isn't it.

Shame that he can't have dd overnight etc so that you can get out with your friends (every time H has ds, I make sure I have a night out planned!). but I agree I wouldn't want her going to her house. not at this point in time.

sarah's going to get a massive wake up call very soon when she realises that all the committment she wants is exactly what he's running away from! she is a temporary distraction and some 'fun'. the day he wants to show more committment I bet he'll be on his knees begging you to take him back!

great that you're settled back in your job and dd in nursery though. good to hear from you

lol @ tosspot and slutguts

given me a sorely needed smile today!

runnign around like mental doing flat selling jobs and preparing for financial interview to see what homebuy mortgage i can get.

very stressed!

ah good luck today pc

I had to chuckle at lily's names too! Very appropriate!

True MLS i think my dd will be more of a handful. Am feeling ok thanks got my scan tommorrow so am keeping all fingers and toes crossed it goes well.

Nice to hear from you Lily you sound like your getting back on your feet again , i'm sure your dd will feel better now she's back at nursery too. Hope she better soon. Like the names by the way very fetching. Completely agree with MLS she wants everything he is leaving from, another broken heart too i guess, however she isn't a victim in this just seriously deluded.

PC don't know how your doing it all it must be very chaotic for you. Hows dd coping ?

MLS hope you feeling ok today, and ds too.

It's nice to see some familiar faces sticking around it's like catching up with old friends. Thats the beauty of mn now we don't have to be around all the time but theres always someone to talk too if you need too.

I see Ernest started a new thread again, she still having a tough time by the looks of things.

hi lilyloo

good luck with the scan. make sure you let us know how it goes.

what is ernest's new thread called - I think I've missed that sorry to hear she's having a bad time again.

I too am in a state. Ds crying for daddy a lot. Mainly just saying where is he. And why can't we go and find him. And he has developed a strange stutter on the first word of his sentences (have posted thread in behaviour/development and from the really kind responses I think it may be quite normal). But I feel like my world is falling apart a little bit.
Need new job so I can cope living alone with ds. Then I can get myself a house and get out of my mums... But new job and new home, on top of divorce, is quite daunting!
H being a 'nob' - for want of a better word.
My best friend has announced she's pregnant (fantastic news for her! but me and H, and her and her H, have all been together since age 15, and the two couples have grown up together and done everything together. So quite hard for me. Selfish I know )

And to top it off I got 2 wedding invites this week. Both said to "MLS" and no H. It's really making things sink in. Have never been to anything like that alone in the last 14 years.

Been awake since 4 this morning thinking about it all. Then because I was getting on my own nerves lying in bed, I've been in work since 6.30!

But I read somewhere that someone said when things are really really bad, all you can do is keep going.
I'm telling myself that over and over again at the moment!

Tosspots and slugguts Mine are arsehole and bitch less imaginative but even got them as that in my phone - (D)H keeps asking me when am I goona change his back to AAHUSBAND which is what it was before so always came up first - told him when he stopes acting like an arse and more like an AAhusband ...ie NEVER

oh MLS you are being so brave. You can only take it a day at a time as you are doing.
I cannot believe that he is putting ds through this , it's so alien isn't it when you have a baby you would do anything to protect tham and never hurt them and you believe the person you have chosen to do that with feels the same, It's impossible to understand how he can do it it really is.
You will get there eventually but don't rush it , take your time and help from your mum. I'm sure you will be fine with the new job you pretty much got one staright away didn't you last time you looked ?
Like you said new home ,new job = new life. You will get through it, you and ds deserve it.
Can completely understand about your best friend and the wedding invites it must be very hard, however your life isn't over it's just taken a new path and who knows what your situation will be a year from now.
Ernest thread says something like 'Ernest dh on self destruct' take care MLS x

MLS, you are coping marvellously with everything. However, you are not superwoman and we don't expect you to take everything on the chin and 'deal with it' in a controlled manner. You are only human sweetheart.

You are doing brilliantly, and one day, when it's the right time, everything will just fall into place, i.e. the house, the job etc.

You just make sure that you take as long as you need, there's no immediate rush is there?
You have been through a lot lately, just allow yourself the grace of time to get things together.

Look after yourself xx

thanks lily and TFM.

Yes lily I got a job really quickly last time but turned it down as it wasn't right (definitely the right move with hindsight!).
Just need to get myself into gear and find the strength to actually fill in the forms.
Viscious circle as need job but need to be 'mentally' stable enough to cope with the challenge of a new job too! If that makes sense! At least in my current role I'm very settled and able to lay low on my bad days...

Finally though, my mum knows everything too - which is great as no more pretending!

H is picking ds up from my mum today. First time he will have faced her since she found out the whole truth! Wish I could be a fly on the wall!

Agree - one day at a time

Friends know everything too now, and they are coming home this weekend for nights out on Friday and Saturday. Just what the doctor ordered

hi all

well, H has gone off on one again. couldn't even stick to making one phone call a day to dd.

luckily she seems not to have noticed that he hasn't been here since monday morning. the daddy word comes out occasionally but not much.

he says he can't handle anything. ffs, all he has to do is go to work! i have to go to work (several very high profile projects incl contracts worth £5m), look after dd, sell flat, buy new flat, negotiate existing lease on rented place and juggle money as he's still not paying as much as he should.

and part of the reason for moving etc is so he can pay less to help him sort out his own finances.

if i had time i'd book an appointment and see a solicitor. but work is crazy and i've got to fit in house viewings.

i feel so so so bad for dd, she deserves so much better than this and it's my fault she's got a crap father and as a result only a slightly better mother.

i feel like i'm gonna implode i really do.

sorry to hear things are a struggle for you too MLS. i read somewhere about LOs around 2yrs developing a stutter so i think you're right it's normal.

am going to sweden for a week next thursday and i should be very excited but am just apprehensive tbh.

christ, when will things improve. the last 2 years have been utterly shit.

oh no pc what's happening to everyone! It's just a complete and utter mess at the moment isn't it.

I can't believe he has gone off on one again!

TFM just said I'm not superwoman, which is very true, but with everything you're dealing with I really do think you come close!
Even despite everything you are selling properties, juggling finances etc whilst bearing in mind that these things will help him.

I so wish I could help you and make things better.

I too have those days when I am so sad that I chose such an unreliable arse to be the father of my child.

But then I remind myself that my baby has me for his mum and that's what really matters! You should remind yourself that too. You will be an inspiration to dd and in you will have a relationship with her that is more special than you could ever imagine. It will be stronger for what he has put you both through. Not weaker. Just remember that xx

Pc NO WAY are you only a slightly better mother. You are doing your very best under the circumstances and dd will always be greatful for that.

MLS it makes perfect sense. You have all the time in world to get a new job and a new house, you are living with your lovely mum and i think thst probably the best place for you right now. You are probably gaining a lot of strength from her love and support, I wouldn't rush to leave the 'nest' just yet if i were you. You will know when you are ready because you will be excited at the thought of it and looking forward to it. It will be an excited kind of nervous not a dreading kind of nervous, if you know what i mean xx

PC. Repeat after me it is not my fault that dhh is a bad father

You too are an amazing woman and have coped fantastically! You have taken much more crap form dhh that i ever would have! You have done your very best for your dd, you have tolerated much more than you probably would have if it were not for dd.
Please, give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself. It his him with the problem not you!

Now book a day's holiday and go see that solicitor!! DHH has pissed on his chips!

PS

I think it's time to 'fess up', seeing as i'm becoming very vocal again

This is IOHW using a new name. Dumped the old name because quite simply 'he now is' so the name seemed rather inappropriate
(plus fancied a change, a fresh start and all that)

Hello IOHW!!

Would never have guessed!

Good to have you back

you little minx! You had me sussed the minute I opened my proverbial cake hole! Would you believe I had even tried to diguise my 'style' of writing
You should be in CID!

oooooh! i was beginning to wonder who you were LOL!

welcome back, it's great to "see" you and hear your forthright and spot on views.

at the risk of being a bit "tiny tim" about all this, i do feel like a shit mummy. dd doesn't get half the attention she should from me.

our mid-week day off together turned into a 3.5 hour round trip to see the IFA and me spending the rest of the time on the 'net getting information. i let her trash the house just so she left me in peace to get on with things.

i end up getting short tempered and snappy with her and resenting the attention she wants/needs and just desperately hanging on till she goes to bed. and she's such a happy, loving, funny little girl. all she wants is to play with me and giggle and smile and all she gets is me being a grumpy cow and telling her to go play by herself.

my parents split when i was 5, am sure there were very good reasons for it but i've never thanked my mother for it nor have i ever felt close to her because of it.

she never did anything with us, took us on holiday, played games with us, talked to us. she was always too busy working and later with her new dh.

i'll become like her and dd will hate me for it.

i just want to be on my own for enough length of time to really feel like i've got a life! how bad is that? i have got a life with my beautiful and amazing dd but all's i want to do is be on my own and not have to get out of bed and not have to look after a toddler.

she's going to grandma's tomorrow till saturday. h and i were supposed to be going out friday night but that's not going to happen now.

so i've got 2 nights off and bugger all to actually do! i'm so bloody crap that even when i get the time i crave it's useless!!

somebody slap me FFS!

may well take Friday off and see solicitor.

ps: love "pissed on his chips!"

just caught up with everyones news. wow! im gob smacked that we are all going through poo again! I agree its just exhausting. But one day we will look back with a smile and be grateful as we will all be in much better times being happy and loved .

pc is there no way he'll be around for your night out?

are you getting help for you too? you sound really low to me and not like your usual self. are you feeling depressed? (you don't have to answer that btw!)

IOHW - I thought your style was slightly different but I just knew it was you! Nothing gets past me!!

PC you don't need a slap sweetheart, you need a hug! And a great big pat on the back for doing so bloody well!!

Just as I said to MLS, you are not Superwoman. You are a lovely young woman who is doing her very best but unfortunately feels that her best is not good enough.

PC, if after not being played with as a child, not been taken on holiday etc makes such a lovely, caring woman as you are, who needs it!!

Your little girl loves you unconditionally. She is the forefront of your mind and she is your reason for battling your way through all this. That makes you a wonderful mummy, not a bad one. A less than good one wouldn't give a damn. Wouldn't give a thought to the dc. Thats not you.

The feelings you have about just wanting to be you, not have to get up and play mummy are completely understandable. Even i feel like that sometimes!! I only get time to be me when i'm in the shower shaving me bits!! Thats my me time! Other than that i'm childminder, housekeeper, referee, gardener, you name it, i'm everything but me! So don't feel bad for wanting you time.

Right, you need to turn all this negative stuff into positive!! Especially when it comes to yourself! You are a hero in my eyes. xx

I think I may have been thrown a bit of a challenge there MLS!

I may have to put you to the test!

he he he - just try me!

Ooooh i love a challenge!

MY thought for the day ladies:

You can't stop the birds from flying over your head BUT, you can stop them from nesting in your hair!!!

xx