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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

998 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 12:32

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

OP posts:
Dior · 14/06/2007 09:26

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sugar34plum · 14/06/2007 17:44

lily many congrats on the baby

fusby your p cannot force you to sell or move until your youngest child is 16.

LilyLoo · 16/06/2007 16:20

Thanks everyone.
Looks really quiet round here , whats happened to everyone ?
Is the Glam and Fab Tour still on ?

mylittlestar · 18/06/2007 09:50

hi everyone

lily that's great news - so good to hear some happy news

ernest, fubsy, osj ernest you have so much to cope with at the moment I hope you're finding some time to look after yourself? how is MIL now?

warthog hello always good to 'meet' new people, feel free to post away!

osj how's things going now?

well i am back in work after a fantastic week away. hardly thought of H at all! and other than the practical aspects (managing a suitcase, travel bag, pram and toddler through the airport!!!), we really didn't miss him that much. ds hardly even asked for him. the main time he did he said, 'want daddy, want some chocolate' so i think he wanted the chocolate more than daddy

it was fantastic to just immerse myself into having fun with ds and completely forget the reality of what's happening here. it made it really hard to come home, and to come back to reality, but i've had a tiny glimpse of how good things can be when i get over my hurt and anger at what he's done.

i put my heart and soul into this marriage. and he's thrown it all away. it will be his loss in the end i'm certain of it!

as we pulled up the driveway at home ds burst out crying! i said what's up and he said "don't like it, want to see micky mouse again"! he really did love it

haven't managed to get on msn so you'll have to let me know if the night out is still happening and what the plans are...

hope everyone is doing ok

Fubsy · 18/06/2007 14:37

Glad you had a lovely time MLS! Isnt it nice to just do your own thing without anybody putting a downer on everything?

has DS settled back again now, or is he Disney-sick?

mylittlestar · 18/06/2007 14:43

he's still asking for mickey every time he wakes up!

and there was a little car in the hotel reception that he was obsessed with. took him to see his dad yesterday and he burst out crying because he didn't want daddy he wanted to play in the car!

mylittlestar · 19/06/2007 11:21

f'ing selfish arse hole of a shitty husband!!!!!!!

arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

sorry, had to get that out somewhere before I kill him!

hurtwife · 19/06/2007 12:58

MLS and all others on this thread i didnt know about this thread as i still havent got a clue how to MSN yet!

MLS - get the anger out it does help - get a cushion or something and really punch it. I go out for a run and sometimes just scream (its ok we live in the country), I read somewhere that depression is suppressed anger so it will help.

Dont be too hard on yourself though you have been through a lot.

mylittlestar · 19/06/2007 13:07

Thanks hurtwife. good to hear from you too

I'm a bit calmer now! Just hit the roof as he has basically bought himself a new car and new flat in the last 2 weeks, and I have been asking him to pay something off (that he has the money ready in the bank for) for 5 months - and I found out today he hasn't paid it!!
Altogether his inability to do something so simple (because it affected me, not him, he didn't get round to it!), has cost me about £1000 of money I don't have, when all he had to do was use the money that was set aside and take 10 minutes to sign the forms and pay it off!!!

The selfishness is beyone belief. Truly. I despise the person he has become

ginnedupmummy · 19/06/2007 13:54

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mylittlestar · 19/06/2007 14:07

hi ginnedup

so sorry to hear that for what it's worth I completely understand how you feel and how soul destroying it is when you put everything you have into your relationship but the other person just does not have the love or strength to give you anything back.

there really does come a point when you have to start putting yourself first. and you sound like me, in that you've realised that there is only so much you can give.

I too cry myself to sleep at night. I hold things together all day. I put on a brave face. But underneath I'm so hurt, angry and frustrated at his complete inability to think of anyone but himself.

I'm hoping our distance gives him the time, and wake up call, that he needs in order to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions. I hope that can happen for your dp too. Otherwise he will continue to hurt those he loves for the rest of his life.

But when you truly love someone, you do everything in your power to make them happy and be the best partner you can. If he can't give that back to you that his his fault. Absolutely not yours

I've avoided MN a bit too. It's just too hard isn't it. And too draining to keep talking/writing/thinking about it all. Just want to block it all out!

ginnedupmummy · 19/06/2007 14:38

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LilyLoo · 19/06/2007 14:46

Thanks all it's strange the way life works really when you think of the situations we all started out on here in and how things have evolved so differently for everyone.
Glad you had a great holiday MLS probably just what you needed and ds by the sound of it. Shame h still behaving like a bloody teenager !
Ginnedupmummy sorry to hear that. It's true i guess he has to want to do it and want you more than the bottle until then it's a battle you can't win.
Hope everyone else ok x

mylittlestar · 19/06/2007 14:53

ginnedup I feel exactly the same about the brick walls. I need to move on. I'm stuck at my mums (don't know if you remember but H left me just after we'd exchanged contracts on our old house, so it gave him the perfect opportunity to leave as we were in-between houses and he then had no ties. I obviously would never have sold the house if I'd have known he was having the affair and our relationship was on the rocks...)

I digress anyway... am at my mums. But leave for work at 6.20 every day (long commute). I leave ds in bed and my mum gets him up and ready when he wakes at 8am.
I seriously need my own place again. For my sanity! But cannot juggle the logistics of getting me and ds out of the house to drop him at my mums by 6.15am, five days a week. It'd kill me. Plus that's not fair on anyone.

So I seriously need to get back on the job hunt and get a role closer to home.

But I'm in no frame of mind to put my heart into a new role and all of the challenges that will come with that.

I'm just going round in circles. And the one person who could help and support me is being tw*t of the year!

I wish I had some good advice for you. But you do have all my sympathy. You're not alone xx

ginnedupmummy · 19/06/2007 15:03

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Fubsy · 19/06/2007 16:16

Oh Ginnedup, thats so crap. Im so sorry youve lost your job at the same time.

Alchol is such a tricky thing isnt it - one persons aacceptable usage is anothers alcohol abuse. But it must be bad if he's happy to lose you!

Would this make him see the light do you think, or will you be happier going it alone?

ginnedupmummy · 19/06/2007 16:41

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Dior · 19/06/2007 21:20

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mylittlestar · 20/06/2007 08:31

Hi Dior - how are you doing? I will find your thread in a min and catch up.

Ginnedup how are you today?

H and I had a good talk last night. We are applying to Relate (yet again!) to help us deal with the separation and everything that's happened, and he has said it's probably best to divorce.

Well actually he said he'd like to see what happens and somewhere down the line we may be able to work things out. Which obviously I want, as I don't want us to split in the first place. But I'm not prepared to wait another year, or another 2 years, live through more affairs and heartache etc, until he finally grows up. So I think we agreed that making it final will be the only way forward so that I can truly move on.
I know that until the day I divorce I would remain loyal to him. And he doesn't deserve that does he

Just numb today. But surprisingly calm. Feel like I can see an end to the nightmare.

And as for the holiday - not only is ds asking to go back every day! Last night when we had a really bad storm he kept jumping at the thunder. So we sat and looked through the holiday photos and sang the disney songs to take his mind off it! Anyone watching us would have thought we were mad! But it was really lovely. He's the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me

hurtwife · 20/06/2007 09:09

MLS

Hope the relate thing works out my solicitor said it helps in the long run - but he was also not for a quick divorce - said the best thing is to wait 2 years as everyone is then less emotional about it all.

You seem to focusing on the right thing though your DS well done.

Have a look at my rant on the 'marriages that start out as affairs' I just feel so passionate about it.

My son has PHSE today at school and he is 14 i wish they could somehow teach children to relly respect others - but then that is up to us i suppose.

Dior · 20/06/2007 09:16

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mylittlestar · 20/06/2007 09:17

hurtwife I think you're right - rushing into divorce when I don't want it, and H is acting like a complete nutter, probably isn't wise.

I guess from my point of view it seemed a good idea so that I would have some closure and a definite reason to move on.

But I think I could probably close off from him emotionally, move on, and then come back to the divorce issue further down the line when things calm down.

You're right about me focussing on ds though - he's all that matters right now

I'll go and have a look at your rant...

mylittlestar · 20/06/2007 09:19

Oh Dior

Are you hoping Relate will help your feelings to change, or just hoping it will help you deal with the decision you've already made?

For what it's worth, after everything you've been through, I'm not surprised you feel like you do now. You have to follow your heart I think xx

Dior · 20/06/2007 09:24

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Dior · 20/06/2007 09:25

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