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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

998 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 12:32

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 06/06/2007 11:15

very quick update...

H dropped ds off for me last night. He has a new job and has had an offer accepted on a flat and the mortgage all agreed!

After months of asking him to look at houses with me and desperately needing our own place... within 2 weeks of his latest decision to leave he has got a new place sorted!

No feelings either way really. Glad he's doing it as it shows me how serious he is and gives me that extra kick up the arse to leave him to it and focus on myself.
Just sad though. Obviously he can do whatever he wants when he puts his mind to it. Which goes to show he didn't want 'us'.

Have agreed maintenance amount, have money in the bank for my deposit on a new place... so get ready to open the champagne ladies as I will hopefully get myself sorted as soon as possible!!

ernest · 06/06/2007 15:08

omg mls!!!!! Do I dare say it? I will anyway. Is it really just 2 weeks ago that he suddenly announced he knows he should try but can't quite do it, and so soon he's viewed several properties, had a 2nd viewing, got mortgage arranged etc? Does it not sound like he's been actually planning &/or organising this for a lot longer than 2 weeks? And even if it really was all done in the last 2 weeks, blöoody hell, what a kick in the teeth for you.

Am glad you've got your holiday to look forward to and money in the bank to be able to get something organised for you and your lovely ds.

As for me, despite what I've wanted for the last 6 years, I am now erring more towards going to Milan after all, if it came to dh getting the job

ANd mil doing pretty badly, so sil, due in 5 weeks now phoning me up mega stressed and upset. It never rains, eh?

Are H's new flat & job close by?

mylittlestar · 06/06/2007 15:32

I think it's all happened very fast, this place only came on the market last week so he hasn't been planning this 'specific' move - IYSWIM! But it goes to show that when he puts his mind to it he can do what he wants hey!

He's a sh*t! He really is. He'd have to have a complete personality transplant at this point in time for me to ever respect him again. He's got a lot of hard work to do before we can maintain any sort of good relationship for ds. Hopefully one day we can get to that. For now the less I see of him the better!

It's all close by. Within 15 mins or so. Flat in the middle of a lovely town (where we were planning to buy a family home ) close to lots of bars, restaurants, shops etc

Anyway I think it's good you're feeling confident enough to consider to move to Milan if it comes to it. You never know, it could be the fresh start you all need. Everything happens for a reason.

Really sad to hear about MIL too. And poor SIL being under such stress and so heavily pregnant. Makes you start to appreciate what you've got in a way. And dh's family sound like they're lucky to have you there for support too.

Fubsy · 06/06/2007 15:58

what a mover when he knows what he wants!

Sounds like a bit of a batchelor pad, so i can understand your lack of respect at the moment!

But, it does sound positive that you are getting financially sorted. And it will be a lot easier to make decisions on your own about things like that - no leaving a ghastly room undecorated cos you cant agree on a colour scheme

macdoodle · 06/06/2007 16:23

MLS I am not being flippant but I actaully envy you - with him moving on it allows you to do the same (whilst completely getting how deavastated you must be)....I am not happy DH isn't happy we are not living together but he just won't let go/give up/move on and let us both try and build some happiness apart - you are doing amazingly enjoy disney it is great (I went with DD and MIL last year- in retrospect DH must have had dirty weekend with OW so yet another memory tainted and ruined 0

Dior · 06/06/2007 16:42

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snowwonder · 06/06/2007 22:00

they all do things that surprise us....

my ex didnt want to buy a house we just rented...

he has now bought a new house with her..

he never wanted to marry, he phones me today on my birthday to tell me he is getting married in 7 weeks.... 2 years after we have split

they act totally out of character.. for some reason

mylittlestar · 07/06/2007 08:17

snowwonder I agree, I have no idea why they act this way. Sort of feels like a kick in the stomach yet again that he'll do these things now but wouldn't do it for me

2 years later does it still hurt as much? or does it get easier?

Dior do you not feel able to make that decision? What is it that's holding you back, are you still unsure what you really want? Or just not ready to make that final decision?

macdoodle I know what you mean about all the memories being tainted once you know the truth. I hate him for that. I wish I didn't know it all to be honest.

I'm utterly devastated. I know he's not a good person right now and I deserve so much better. In every way. I just need to learn to let go. And I can't. He was the love of my life. I loved him with every bone in my body. And he's hurt me more than anyone can ever know.

macdoodle · 07/06/2007 09:06

I know MLS I really do I know exactly how it feel - and I wonde why I still can't let go of someone who treated me so badly and still makes me so miserable

Dior · 07/06/2007 09:32

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Dior · 07/06/2007 09:33

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mylittlestar · 07/06/2007 09:37

Thanks Dior.
They say time heals don't they. I just hope it goes quickly.

mylittlestar · 07/06/2007 09:38

Fear of being alone Dior?

Or fear of losing the man who you really love and want to be with?

xx

snowwonder · 07/06/2007 10:07

yes the pain does get much much less, but it is still there, and things he does to me now dont hurt for as long....

i am devastated about my news yesterday others have said i should just let my dd go and spend the weekend at his wedding, but why should i

He never has her at weekends - he only has contact one afternoon in weekdays because that is what he wants..

so to have her for a weekend for a wedding i feel would be to much for her she is 4..

i offered to drop her there for 4 hours then pick her up, - he didnt give a reply..

the other thing is she has only seen his girfriend 3 times this year,

oh i dont know maybe i am just a jelious old hag like others have said, (wish i hadnt started the other thread!!!)

mylittlestar · 07/06/2007 10:10

don't see anything wrong with a compromise tbh! he doesn't have her all weekend now out of selfish convenience. then he wants to show her off all weekend at his wedding?! then what... go back to one afternoon a week?!

fwiw I don't think you're being unreasonable. To agree that she can be at the day for her dad, be a part of it all, but you pick her up once she is tired and ready to come home... sounds like a good compromise to me!

macdoodle · 07/06/2007 12:01

TBH if he doesn't have her all weekend now why should he then at his convenience - at what about her if she is only 4 and doesn't spend the night with him normally - it will be a busy loud weekend who will look after her take he for a sleep if she wants put her to bed assumably he will be busy does she know anyone else well enough for you to trust that she will be put first?? I dont think you are being unreasonable at all ..

Dior · 07/06/2007 20:16

Message withdrawn

snowwonder · 07/06/2007 20:47

dior- what is the book you have=

stay strong xx

Dior · 08/06/2007 09:29

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mylittlestar · 08/06/2007 16:07

Very quick one. Off on hols with ds tomorrow so won't get on now for a week or so.

Really need this break!!

Hope you're all ok. Catch up soon

xx

ohsmellyjelly · 08/06/2007 18:48

MLS, hope you and ds have a brilliant time .

Dior · 08/06/2007 19:29

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Fubsy · 08/06/2007 20:28

OSJ! Old name back! How are you?

Did the paperwork to remortgage the house in my name today.

Its mine! All mine!

ohsmellyjelly · 08/06/2007 20:55

Hi all

Yes had enough of sunshinegirl, not feeling very sunny!

H has been camping this week, coming back most evenings to see dc's and me. It's been pretty good, being nice to each other which is a start but also without the added resentment of h crapness at nighttimes has made it a bit easier for me to deal with ds. Tonight however has gone bit pear shaped as h been out on the beer with mate this afternoon. He phoned to say goodnight to the kids which aroused my suspicions as I was supposed to phone him. I asked him to come home and he went off on one, saying that his decision was made he's just waiting for me to decide wtf I want. He was very rude and after telling me how many offers of night's out he'd had, hung up on me although I can understand it. I just can't make that sort of decision in one night, we have so much to talk through and see if we can work it out. It annoys me because he sees it as so onesided, everything fine with him so I simply have to decide one way or the other.

Sory for the rant! I know a lot of you are in opposite positions, I'm not expecting sympathy just letting you know how things are here which is pretty crap!

Fubsy what's happening your end? Dior, how's things?

Dior · 08/06/2007 21:52

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