only a few days to go then Shame it's so far away, when I read you were coming to Fance I wondered if we could meet, but Paris is too far. have a great holiday.
While dh was in Barcelona I made a decision to try and move on. So since he came back I've not mentioned the affair oncw (apart from mini break down on Sunday).... In a way I'm finding it easier, but also harder. eg when he came back he gave me a bottle of perfume. My immediate thoughts were, why's he chosen this one, did she use it? Does it remind him of her, was it the french name that attracted him etc etc etc. But I just smiled & said thank you. So I'm sort of often feeling cut up inside but not saying anything, cos it doesn't really get us anywhere. I guess he'll just feel there's no end to it, he can't win etc etc.
He's definitely trying, it's definitely better but still really hard. Like I said he created htis deep unhappiness with my life that I didn't have before, not having a job, feeling 2nd class, inferior etc. That hasn't changed and I can't see any solution to it. He has a 2nd interview in Milan in 3 weeks. That's going to be a no-win situation, because if he does get it we face the terrible choice of either him going alone, and given the affair obv. not good, or whole family moving. I don't want to go to bloody Milan, and we can't move every time he gets a new job. OTOH, he will be so crushed if it doesn't work out.
His mum (diagnosed with cancer last Jan) is in a bad way at the mo. so that's adding pressure.
All in all I think it's getting better, but inside my head isn't good still. I think having no way of checking up makes it worse. I have no access to phone bills, e-mails, his phone etc. ANd he's out of the house a lot. I have only his word for it, which at times I find really tough.
What do you lot think I should do about my 'friend'. Briefly, she's my 1 and only friend here, but we moved so now she's over an hour away and we dont see each other often anyway. Anyway, when I found out about the affair she happened to call that morning (Sunday) and I told her, amidst sobs. I thought she was the one person I could turn to (mum crap, sil pg & dealing with mil cancer, no other friends). ANyway, I wait and wait. No call, nothing. Finally, after 4 days, an sms "R U OK" I was so pissed off. After 4 days she manages 4 letters. TBH, I felt so let down I ignored all her further calls/e-mails etc. Plus I feel that my trust has been broken, and no longer feel able to open up to her, which means a 2/3 hour round trip tp talk about the weather? Seems pointless. I wrote her a card saying as much, that I didn't bear a gudge etc but felt it had brought friendship to an end, but now she has sent me a huufy card. what think you? a relatively small problem I know. A shame cos she was my only friend here, and now mil is bad, sil no longer able to listen, so now got no one to talk to.