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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

998 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 12:32

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

OP posts:
Dior · 03/06/2007 21:20

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mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 08:10

Thanks dior - I really hope I can move on. And soon. It's really killing me.

Lou sorry he's your friend - perhaps a good talk to him to let him know he's out of order could be good? If it was a genuine one off moment of stupidity then you wouldn't want to lose a good friend over it xx

Dior · 04/06/2007 08:37

Message withdrawn

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 08:44

Dior I really hope you're right. All the advice from friends and family has been just like you said, there may be hope for us somewhere down the line. But he has a lot of growing up to do, and a lot to prove, and in the meantime I should make a life for myself and move on. They all say that by the time he realises what he's lost I will be so happy without him that I won't want him back anyway.

Perhaps it's just that thing of 'wanting what you can't have'?? Or perhaps it's just hard being alone after being with him every day since age 15. I miss him so much.

We were so happy til he decided he needed to sleep with a teenager to boost his ego, and now wants a few months of freedom to basically see if he's missing out on anything before he comes back...

Needed to slap myself there! Was getting upset and then as I wrote what he's doing I remembered my anger!!

Need to focus on the anger!

(Sorry for going on - I'm sure you're all sick to death of it. I wish I could come on and tell you all how happy I am and how good things are for me. Hopefully I will one day soon! Sorry)

Dior · 04/06/2007 08:50

Message withdrawn

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 08:56

thank you

It won't come from him. It has to come from me doesn't it. You're right.

lou33 · 04/06/2007 08:57

all 3 of them are my friends

bunch of buffoons all of them

Fubsy · 04/06/2007 10:10

MLS - I thought that slap was for your H. It should have been!

Lou - sorry youre feeling disillusioned. It doesnt help, does it.

lou33 · 04/06/2007 10:24

it doesnt

i mean i'm not even really looking for anything, casual or not, at least 2 of them know this, they know how i still feel about my exbf, yet they STILL behaved like that

Fubsy · 04/06/2007 11:00

I suppose in some ways its flattering - youre single and attractive, but in other ways its insulting especially when you know they have partners. I just dont understand how men can expect you to still respect them after behaving like that!

Dior · 04/06/2007 11:26

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mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 11:52

I always think it's difficult being 'real' friends with a bloke. IME there is usually one or other of you that finds the other person attractive and then it becomes difficult and advice becomes biased etc...

A few blokes I am friends with through my old job have made it clear since I split with H that 'I deserve better', followed by some sort of invitation for drinks (or whatever) to take my mind off it!

I do agree with Dior. I think many men are ruled by one body part only... and rather than seeing a women who's upset and needs support, they see an attractive single women and a new opportunity...

Doesn't mean people can't be good friends with people of the opposite sex. Just perhaps need to accept that is the reality that one party may feel more than the other and you just have to be clear where you stand.

sunshinegirl · 04/06/2007 12:24

Hi all. Hope you're all ok, haven't had a chance to catch up yet.

Feeling awful, told H last night I think it's over as we just can't seem to get along and he's just left after saying good bye to the kids this morning. He's totally gutted. Hoping more time apart now I am home will make me miss him more. Probably babbling, sorry, but feeling numb. Have to hold it togtether until this evening when I get dc's to bed

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 12:32

sunshine girl

hopefully time apart will help you both to clear your heads and decide what you want.

I am sort of in your dh's position so probably not the best person to advise you here! My H I think is also hoping time apart will make him realise what he wants... I'm just hoping he decides it's me! (sort of!!)

sunshinegirl · 04/06/2007 13:18

Yes sorry MLS. I didn't mean to be insensitive at all.

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 13:47

Not insensitive at all

Your situation is very different to mine.

Honestly it's fine - just that I'm not good with the advice at the moment!!

lou33 · 04/06/2007 15:17

i'm more offended that they think i can be used as a quick bit on the side and their partners never need to know

it's extremely disrespectful to both myself and their gf's

i know there are men who are not like that, they just seem to come into my life v often

lou33 · 04/06/2007 15:18

having said that there is a guy i quite like who doesnt seem to be like that, i might be meeting him and a couple of others for a drink on saturday

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 15:23

lou there is always a light at the end of the tunnel... enjoy saturday!!

lou33 · 04/06/2007 15:26

it's someone i have known for longer than my exbf actually, a friend of a friend

we've always said hello and chatted but more so recently

he's a tree surgeon and is 37, which is usually too old for me lol

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 15:53

well make sure you let us know how it goes!

and can you see if he's got any friends for me

lou33 · 04/06/2007 16:04

it isnt a date as such, i'm going for a drink with him and 2 friends of mine that he lives with (they are married)

they all live about a 3 min walk from me

macdoodle · 04/06/2007 17:16

Bad day today feeling unsure and DH just doesn't seem to be making the effort I need him too - worse than that he doesn't even seem to realise he shoul be making an effort..
He makes me so unhappy - I wonder what it is I am fighting so hard to fix when he doesn't seem to care at all - it is my birthday on Sunday and last time this year things were so bad we weren't even talking I knew something was up and a week later I found out about the OW and that he had been parading her all around town including his local - I asked him what we were doing for my birthday and he said oh its sunday is it I could hear the disappointment in his voice that he would have to give up his sunday drink to spend time with me so he can't even be bothered to make any effort at all - the OW baby is due in a few weeks which is freaking me out - plus I have pregnancy hormones nausea and tiredness to deal with - and HE was pissed off because I was half hour late from work so he was late to pub????
I know I can't do this but I know he won't accept that I can't even talk to him he turns it around somehow makes me feel like I am not making the effort and I am destroying the marriage I just want him to make me feel like it is worth fighting for - but I don't want to anymore I just want to move on with my children its been such a long hard year and I can't see how to end it...sorry for moan my RL friends are so sick of hearing this

Dior · 04/06/2007 18:42

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sugar34plum · 04/06/2007 19:27

hi macdoodle. Sorry your feeling so rotten. Wish i had words of wisdom to help. But im feeling like you why cant he show any effort? Maybe men are just too dense!i do know its exhasting me so must be doubly hard for you being pg. Maybe we are expecting too much? The more we expect the more we push them away? Im just thinking out loud here i have no answers. Sorry