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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

998 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 12:32

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 31/05/2007 18:18

afternoon all

busy day doing flat stuff.

had text from H this morning saying he knows I said i wouldn't reply but do i still want him to text with money details etc.

also hoping we were both well and that he's going out of the country for work sun-tues and would i like to go with........

i haven't responded......

mylittlestar · 31/05/2007 18:57

could you call him say you'd love to go with him, all of you as a family, if that means a fresh start, he is coming back home, and is now willing to give you and dd 100%??

if you go with him for any other reason, you will be back on that emotional rollercoaster and he's still getting the best of both worlds...

what do you want to do?

do you feel like you'll just be going round in circles yet again? or do you want to give it one last try?

xx

Paddlechick666 · 31/05/2007 19:20

i'm not going. apart from the logistics i'm not dropping everything to trot off with him.

if he's serious then he can use the flights money to book something for us all as a family over a weekend.

i already feel like i've got one foot back on the rollercoast tbh.

i've told him i will only speak to him and he should understand that.

i just rang him and got voicemail........

sugar34plum · 31/05/2007 20:09

hi pc good idea about getting him to use money for a weekend break for all of you. Did it go straight to voicemail or rang a bit first? Did you leave a message?

It does seem that dh is trying to open up communication again? Or do you feel his playing silly buggers?

Maybe him having to prove himself to you is the kick up the butt he needs to bring himself out of his depression? I know nothing of depression.

My hv used to go on about it and my responce every time was " i have 6 kids i have not got the time to be depressed!" I know its not a joking matter and is a very serious illness before anyone shouts at me im not being flippant about it. I have never suffered it but ihave witnessed my dad suffer and i know at worst his contemplated suicide so i know its extremely serious.

Sorry i waffle sometimes!

sugar34plum · 31/05/2007 20:10

meant to say i know nothing of depression as in me personally having suffered it! excuse me run out of thyroxine and brain going blur now!

Paddlechick666 · 31/05/2007 20:36

hi sugar

it rang for a bit and then i got a text saying he was in a late meeting and would get back to me later.........

we'll see i guess.

i have to admit to being quite pleased/excited about the invite to join him but it's just not feasable.

i just need to get him to realise i don't want texts from him, not just that i refuse to respond!

he does this high/low thing tho - but i have told him he's on his own now.

the depression is dreadful it's true but i have got to the stage where i just say "get over it! it's been 2 years ffs!"

dd is away at grandma's till saturday so am enjoying that altho missing her like mad.

ernest · 01/06/2007 12:08

tbh I'd be inclind to ignore anything received by text. It's unreasonable to text when you've said not to text. otoh it's more than you've had for weeks. Bloody hell, must be seriously screwing with your head, but to be out of touch WITH YOUR WIFE for weeks on end and then just ask you along on a work trip????

enjoy you last day of peace and quiet.

no one I know would take my 3 boys, so I'm looking at 13 years time for my next break

sugar34plum · 01/06/2007 12:14

dh stayed out last night said his uncle was in a state over his wife. Im fuming and not sure how to deal with it.

ernest · 01/06/2007 15:53

did he warn you before hand, is it true (any way of checking?) have you seen him or only got explanation over the phone, did he tell you during the evening or just not come home? So many things need to be known before bollox are removed

sugar34plum · 01/06/2007 16:11

lol he told me last night he was coming home late and that was fine but come 11.30 and no messages i was annoyed to say the least! Then he texted that he was trying to stop uncle doing something stupid cos his wife hadnt come home. Really messed up couple both into drugs and giving each other a slap now and then!

Than woke up this morning and no h! got another text saying sorry but uncle was in a right state. Maybe im being selfish but his only been home 2 bloody days and has a stay out which he promised wouldnt happen again.Btw i hate uncle and aunt they like playing games with other peoples feelings and relationship. Uncle is a nut job who has been in prison most of his life for beating people up . They dont come to my home at all.

Have asked him if he wants to meet later to talk and his all pissed at me cos he cant come home! I have my mum staying tonight have to collect her from airport at 7. So no dont want to talk here easier away from house. I dont believe there is anyone else involved unless im being an idiot? But he just seems to think its ok for him to stay out. Im at the point of saying get lost ive had enough. But we do rely on him paying motgage and would lose our home if he stopped paying. Just dont know how its been turned on me that im stopping him coming home because of what he did. I have said that until i can trust him to treat me with some respect he can stay at his mums. Feel like i have been such a doormat with him doing what he likes saying sorry and i just forgive him. But this time im standing my ground whatever the outcome. I deserve better.

ernest · 01/06/2007 16:57

sound like a lovely couple. Tbh, I would be major pissed off, I mean it doesn't sound like an out of the blue shocker plus, right now your is the only marriage he should be worrying about. And long boozy nights out should be a no no. So I'm def for the blunt intruments

sugar34plum · 01/06/2007 17:10

its the fact his annoyed with me!! I know thats a classic man trait to turn it around but im . But im not backing down this time otherwise it will continue. I just dont know.Maybe i should disappear one night and not tell him see how he likes it!

mylittlestar · 02/06/2007 19:41

v v quick post as haven't had time to catch up

came on MN to distract myself before the date!! (very nervous!) and got so caught up in macdoodle's thread I haven't even managed to read this!!

macdoodle hope you're ok - will catch up tomorrow

well ladies, wish me luck!!

btw text off osj and she said hi to everyone and she's fine. she had a lovely day with dior (said dior is lovely btw) and the dc's had fun. and she's missing MN!

catch up soon xx

lovemybed · 02/06/2007 19:43

your of on a date!!!!!!!!! when did this happen, why cant i keep up with anything!!!!!!

have a great time and i will try and find out the details leading upto this.

Dior · 02/06/2007 19:44

Message withdrawn

Fubsy · 02/06/2007 20:09

Have fun!

macdoodle · 02/06/2007 21:21

What happened on Lou's date ?? Where ??
Have fun MLS and thanks for support x

Dior · 03/06/2007 11:24

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 03/06/2007 13:13

ooh is mls going out?!

mylittlestar · 03/06/2007 18:13

very quick as ds has a tummy bug and been sick all day so is lying on me as I type...

lovely date. lovely night out and really nice bloke.
but that's about it!!
had some good conversation and a few laughs. but I really couldn't see myself spending more than a few hours with him without wanting to run away! can't put my finger on it but there was just nothing there, (not expecting sparks etc, especially as first date and given the awful circumstances!), but I just wouldn't find him the sort of person who I'd want to snuggle up with night after night for the rest of my life...

hope that makes sense!!

also considered if he may be the sort of person I'd like to have a bit of fun with... but the answer to that was NO too!

Even thought... well maybe just a few dates, few laughs, bit of a distraction from the nightmare of home... but the answer was still no!!

Was (quite) honest with him and said how much I appreciated him taking me out and that I had a lovely time, but I'm just not in a position to do anything more at this time and need a bit of space to deal with everything that's going on.
He just gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he was honored to have taken me out and would I keep his number so that if I ever change my mind I could call him!!

so - I tried... and I had a nice night... but that's about it.

now I'm stuck in with ill ds, missing H and ds missing daddy (keeps saying 'where's daddy waddy gone?' ) and I'm so f'ing angry that H has done this to us all and left me to deal with his affair, my marriage breaking up, and the end of a 14 year fantastic relationship/friendship, all alone

however, I am glad I've seen that there are nice blokes out there who seem to treat women with some respect... has given me a tiny glimmer of hope for the future...

lou33 · 03/06/2007 18:17

oh mls, you sound like me after last tuesday!

sorry it dodnt work out, but maybe it will be fun to dip your toes in the water again from time to time?

mind you after this weekend i am utterly disillusioned with men, so you probably shouldn't talk to me lol

mylittlestar · 03/06/2007 18:19

agree lou - as and when the chances arise I shall take them up and see what happens!!
[bet I don't get asked out for another 10 years now!!]

so what happened with you this weekend?

(if I don't reply it's because ds has woken up and I've gone to bath him. but will check back in a bit)

lou33 · 03/06/2007 18:27

oh , just my so called friends turning into sleazes thinking they cam have a go

was out on fri with a male friend and a group of others, he was kipping on my sofa as he has done before, but thought he would try it on (he has an on/off gf btw)

the same evening while i was out a friend of mine v drunkenly started texting me asking if i would talk dirty to him, and as usual (he does it every time he is drunk) i said no. He is getting married in december btw.

Then last night as i was falling asleep another one sends me a message (havent heard from him for a bit), saying could he come round with a bottle of wine, he missed me and wished he was with me right then. I said no i was in bed ,but he was welcome to join us for a picnic today. He said ok but he wished he could still come over, again i said no, so he said see you tomrrow and didnt turn up. He has a 11m old baby and gf as well btw, tho he denies he is with her in any other capacity than the baby's father

bloody men, 99% of them are shits , it's really depressed me

mylittlestar · 03/06/2007 18:33

sounds like you've had a bad time of it this weekend!

maybe we need a pact to avoid them all for the forseeable future!!

(well... until a good one comes along at least!)

lets hope our luck improves very soon hey

lou33 · 03/06/2007 18:39

these guys are my friends tho

i am especially let down by the one who was kipping on my sofa, as he is my regular person to go out with

he's never behaved like that before