GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

[Ifonlyhewould]

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

my ds said he was going to bed about 3 hours ago. Just got an sms from him, clearly half pissed, saying he's been in the bar talking to a 'Belgian' called 'Bert' all night.

God, do I feel shit.

I took my cv into a temp agency about 2/3 weeks ago. They sent it back today, saying they didn't have anything I could do. So a degree, a post grad cert, working for 5 years then stupidly being sahm for 7/8 years is worth shit? The worst thing is, before the affair, I was HAPPY, now I urgently feel I need to get my own idntity, to work again, but on top of dh's affair, I 'm now open to all this further regection.
Sorry, am mega feeling sorry for myself and totally shit and worthless. I want so much to get a job, but deep down know it's unattanable, plus, clearly as today's post spells out, I'm not quite good enough to fucking clean toilets or write the addresses on envelopes.

Then dh drops the bombshell tonight, would I be prepared to move to Milan

Oh Ernest you will find your niche, it will get better - honest.

Maybe you were just too clever for them

Milan? Whats that about!

Sorry about the job thing ernest.

Is there any way you could write directly to places you would be interested in? Ive never looked for work that way, being in the NHS, but I would have thought your situation doesnt fit the easy standard for an agency, which is sad when you have a lot to offer. Maybe if you send your CV directly to some places you might strike lucky?

or is DH serious about Milan?

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bloddy hell, can't believe any of you are up still.

Fubsy, that was ignorant or me, as I was so sad to read you having to tell your dd about splitting. Tah's so so sad.

Yes, he is serious about Milan.

He had an interview there last week, thought he'd fucked it up, but the guy there's got back onto the head hunter and wants to see him again. Dh is desperate to change jobs. he's had a few interviews, but strangely comes across as being too laid back, whoch is the opposite to his working persona, so hasn't got too far, but he really like the sound of this job, soumds like afab opportunity, although the man interviewing him made it clear he worked from 7 am til 9 pm , so my dh, working thhose hours doesn't appeal to me so much. Plus the heat of Milan .

Wrt working, I'm a trained techer, that's my job. I honestly don't know if I want to go down that route again, as I had a pretty shit time in a really nasty violent school. So I seem to be teach or nothing.

Dior, I think you're wondeful, btw. really really lovely. In all you posts it shines through.

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morning all. How is everyone today?

mls.Im so sorry your dh is behaving the way he is.Do they ever grow up?! But you sound like your doing ok? Well as good as you can when your hearts been ripped out.

Ernest these employeees dont know what they are mssing out on milan sounds like a new start? A fresh beginning?

Pc how are you? Have you made contact yet?

md ow sounds like a complete nutjob! Getting a flat next to him is taking the stalking to another level!

Fusby how are you? Dont mind what you call me? lol but love sugar!!

iohw when you develop that cream i'll take a crate!!

Dior, sunshine girl hows things?

As for me dh has begged to come back. Had long chat told him we are both acting like a couple of bloody kids and we need to sort ourselves out! Need to let go of what he did and move on. I couldnt see he was doing the right things other than the texting because i was still too angry but that has threathened to destroy my family so the pain is gone! With a little help from some retail therapy when kids go back to school next week

hi everyone

not managing to get on much. just feeling really low and also had a bit of a health scare so all in all it's really hard. bit like lilybubble really and just trying to get through the day however i can.
sometimes even putting on a brave face online is too hard.

fubsy you're having a really hard time too aren't you. i really feel for you having to explain to dd. and coping with your families reactions is hard too isn't it

pc - how are you?

ernest i'm so so sorry that you're having such a hard time. only thing i would say about milan is that a new job, new start away from ow etc, could be great for all of you. but then i look back at how much you've fought to stay in the place you and your children love, all the discussions we had about you moving back to england and why that wasn't right - i think you and dh have a lot of serious talking to do as uprooting the family at this time may just add a whole heap more insecurities on all of you that you just don't need right now. at least the boys are happy and settled at the moment and you have a tiny bit more time to think about yourself. don't take on too much. you're already dealing with more than most people can cope with.

well i have booked a holiday for myself and ds to france in 2 weeks time!! we're having a few days in paris, few days in Disney, and couple of days just at the apartment to relax and play. it will be hard alone. but i'm going to cherish every minute with my little boy and make the most of it. can't wait to see his face when we get to disney. he adores mickey mouse!

have also been asked on a date this weekend by a guy from work!! obviously have no intention of jumping into any sort of relationship (would like to avoid men forever!) but i'm thinking of going purely to take my mind off dh and prove to myself that life goes on and i don't need dh if he doesn't want me. (another brief chat to dh last night when i picked ds up, and he made it very clear his decision is made.) i need to do something to give myself a lift as i really do feel like i'm sinking fast. is this a daft idea?

dior, sunshine - where are you meeting?!

mls i admire you being so positive. And for holidaying alone,im sure your ds will love it. I cant wait to go back there myself! Have to wait till next year cos of ds operation in july.

Do you want to go on date? I honestly dont think what anyone else says matters on that at the moment. You have been through so much more than most people could cope with and you have remained strong and dignified throughout. So for now you do what you want to do. And if being taken out for a good meal and a pleasant evening is the way to go then do it. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the pain of what you are going through. You just take it slowly dont want to see you hurt anymore than you already have been.

Thanks 'sugar' - lol

I know what you mean about not getting hurt anymore and taking things slowly. I suppose I do want to go if only to feel relaxed, wanted, happy, and enjoy a night out that isn't about begging my selfish dh to come home!

I don't want to put myself in a position where it could get awkward, and he does know my situation and knows that there is no way I'd be ready for a relationship (let alone even a kiss!). But it would be nice to have a nice evening and feel wanted. Is that bad though? At the end of the day I'm still married and still want dh. It's him that doesn't want me

mls have you told him you are going to start dating other people? I just wondered what his reaction would be...

hi ppp

we had a discussion last night about seeing other people and whether or not that would be ok now. my feelings were that we should not see other people out of respect for the marriage (like he has any after 6 months of sh*gging a 19 year old!!) but anyway, i thought we should not see people until it is definitely over and the divorce is through.

he pretty much said he wasn't bothered anyway and i was fine to see whoever i want

whether or not that will be the case if i actually do it is another matter!??

i'm sure he thinks i'll wait around forever for him because i've been such a mug and so loyal despite everything he's thrown at me.
and i'm sure he thinks that i wouldn't get a date so quickly anyway!!
but i work in a massive office where news travels fast and have been asked out in the past. i broke down yesterday, told a couple of people he'd left again and it was for the last time - then got asked out while making toast in the canteen this morning!!

I would go for it!

wasn't my finest moment... late for work, trying to juggle handbag, files, coat, and at the same time butter toast, and get it into one of those stupid little bags that the canteen provide - which wouldn't open!!

he walked over and made some joke about the fact we shouldn't have to pay because we have to make the toast ourselves, and I half ignored him and just carried on...
and then he said by the way, I was really sorry to hear the news and I know you probably won't be in the mood for a night out right now, but if you fancy a meal and a few drinks this weekend to take your mind off things I'd be honoured to take you out!!! Nearly fell over! Just about managed to blurt out 'that's a really nice offer, I'll e-mail you'... before I ran off like a school kid to the lift!!!

Not sure I came across as anything other than weird! We only sit about 50 yards away from each other so I could have thought of a better response than 'I'll e-mail you'!!

I'm so not cut out for this effortless chic look! Especially at 7.30am with bags under my eyes from all the crying!!

no its not bad at all. And it would be interesting to see his reaction to you going on adate. But be prepared for him retaliating that by him going on a date or tarting it. .

I did dates when me and dh were seperated for over 7 months. For one it was an ego boost and another it was a free meal im an easy trollop! but it was just that a meal out and i enjoyed the attention. I alway met them there and took my own car so i didnt feel the pressure of having to ask them in after the evening.. Also its a quick get away in case they turned in to leeches.Also get a friend to text you and that way if its a bad date you can text back phone me get me out of here. And get them to say a good excuse for you to get back be careful to remind them chances are he will be able to hear them talk so make it believable!

I do think your dh is being incredibly selfish and living in abit of a dream world. Not only is he hurting you and ds but what about the other poor girls he might encounter. The ow although a cow was young and niave and was hurt too. Not that she had any right to treat you the way she did. dd1 was 11 yesterday and reminds me before i know it she will be having relationships. How am i going to be if someone hurts her either dumps her 2 times her or has an affair with her behind his wifes back?

Easy i'll kill him!!

And if an of my ds's behave that way i shall have some of iohw magic cream to sort them out!!

he sounds a sweetie

thanks mel

my instinct is that dh would probably retaliate - rather than get upset or beg to have me back. so I'm quite aware that doing this will not bring us back together, but may actually push us further apart. (but we can't be any further apart than we are now!!)

he would not be the type to sit in and mope I don't think. But at the same time I may ask him to have ds so he'll have no choice but to stay in!!

And I'm not even doing this to hurt him. I'd hate anyone to go through the feelings I've had in the last few months.

But this is purely about me. I need to feel better and need to find a way to move on. I've been through enough.

yes you have far more than anyone should. I think you should have discussions of other partners meeting ds too.I know the ow met him. I said to mine if we meet other people the relationship must be at least 6 months old before the kids are introduced.vAnd he of course needed to have the kids so i could date. He needs to know you are living your life and not sitting around waiting. If he come to his sences quicker than 6 months great if not you have lost nothing and have gained independence and a whole new life for you.

I have to go deliver a pram to tunbridge wells now but be on later. Take care xx

thank you

it will be a long time before I ever let ds meet anyone. the feelings I had when I found out the ow had met my ds within a week or so of the affair beginning, and the way my heart broke when I saw the photos of her with my dh and ds on her phone, or finding out she was there when ds had the fit and went in the ambulance with them...
no way would I go down that road! it's not fair on anyone, least of all ds.
I think if I was to ever go out with a new bloke it'd take him years to prove he was trustworthy enough to be part of my baby's life!!

mls take the offer of a date, weren't you encouraging me to?!

lol - lou I was going to ask your advice!!
what did you decide in the end?

see my new thread

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