GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

[Ifonlyhewould]

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

hi everyone

Oh mls, I agree that walking put 4 times in 6 months, having an affair, then asking for a further 6 months of freedom before he thinks he'll be ready to put some effort in is taking the piss. I agree but still understand how heartbreaking it must be for you

Dh is now 'in Spain', well I do believe he is there as he phoned me when he arrived and everyone was taling spanish, lol, doubt even my dh capable of being so devious. Unfortunately can't phone OW to check, as only have her mobile number so she could just as easily be in Spain as Zurich, so wouldn't be any the wiser. He was really insistant there's nothing going on. I guess I have no choice but to try and get through this week away without going insane

It's a lot to ask so relatively soon tho, just 2.5 months.

I tried to set up msn. CAn't do it. Must be mega thick. I click to download, & it downloads, but then nothing happens, I presume cos I got mac not pc + windows. I'm sure there must be a really simple way to sort it. but I'm too dim

If she is in Switzerland and so are you, if you call her mobile and it has a different ring tone to normal surely that means she is abroad? (or does that work only between UK and the rest of europe?) You don't even have to let her answer.

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Sorry Dior - had so much to catch up on I couldn't remember who had said what...

I do think you're right. I've been so calm and supportive I'm sure dh thinks I will wait around yet again. And if I had the strength I probably would.

But to be honest I have nothing left to give right now. I couldn't even wait if I wanted to as I know I'll fall apart. That's why I need to focus on me!

ernest you're doing so well. It does sound like dh is really trying - in his own way. You're really making a go of this and getting through so well, just keep that faith now and keep taking it a day at a time. Keep in touch with him. Nice messages from you and the boys. Remind him you all love him and miss him. And make him keep thinking of you all. You'll get through this I'm sure of it. This is one very small test in the scheme of everything you've been through - you're amazing xx

morning all

so sorry so many of us are having such a tough time. it really sucks but the strength and focus that you ladies are finding is amazing really.

even if you don't feel strong all the time believe me you are all doing fantastically well for yourselves and your kids.

well, we're off for a morning out so leaving shortly. will be back later on tho.

wanted some advice in the meantime tho please ladies.

i've asked my bestfriend who knows H (thru me)to contact him on my behalf. he's agreed to do it which is really good of him. still haven't made up my mind but i really feel like something has to be said but don't really know what.

am thinking something along the lines that i don't feel able to be in touch with him right now but i would like him to come to mediation again in order to resolve the access issue.

anyone got any advice? i don't want to ignore his texts because it would be childish but i don't want to get back into a text communication with him again - apart from anything it undermines my position of 5.5 weeks ago that i wouldn't communicate on text anymore.

arrg! i am at a loss really..........

sorry, can't add much, also in hurry. Just wanted to agree getting into texting etc not good move. Almost biuarre and unreal. This man has just disappeared and failed to contact his wife & dd for nearly 6 weeks!!!! And you get an sms???

Now, I agree, he should at least be man enough to speak to you face to face. The very very least you deserve.

you are so amazing.

pc great idea if your friend is willing to help. Think you are right that communicating by text is unacceptable in the circumstances - to say the least!

I think if you can ask your friend to keep it very matter of fact - explain that you no longer feel able to support him given his behaviour over the last 2 years. That you refuse to communicate in relation to your marriage and daughter via text! But you have accepted his decision and want him to attend mediation to resolve the access issues. (Although actually how much he wants his access rights is debatable - what man in their right mind wouldn't even ask about their child after 6 weeks!)

Think you need to do something one way or another and that sounds like a good option. You could even write it all down and ask the friend to pass the letter on whilst explaining the key things. You've been through enough. One way or another you need to start to move forward xx

Paddlechick I am amazed your other half can go without contacting his child for 6 weeks - I dont think DH could go more than 6 hours!

I think depression is almost certainly a contributing factor in a lot of your and MLS OH behaviour but you cant put your life on hold forever waiting for them to sort themselves out your entire lives will be a roller coaster of he's back its "on" highs and hes off "its over" lows eventually you have to think of yourself...believe me I know how hard it is to move on without the man you adore but cant stress enough that in my life that was the best decision I ever made!

You can do it if you need to and you will find a better life for you and your child.

MLS if it is meant to be with your DH then he must make it happen. Its strange because we grow up thinking men are so much stronger than us and whilst they have physical strength I truly believe that women have a stronger emotional strength.

Ernest - I am thinking about you, I only had a tiny burst of what you are going through...being a bit of a feisty chick I walked out! It was many years ago but all comes flooding back when I read your posts. I wish I had mumsnet to support me at the time as I really didnt want to discuss it with the people in my RL!

Take care guys - im being outsted again apparently the children just have to have the computer!!

I am determined my son will grow up to be a man who can communicate so that his future OH will not have to go through this

thanks contentiouscat
totally agree. the only way my marriage could ever work now is if dh is the one to make all the moves and hold us together. I've done it for too long, he's left too many times, and he hasn't kept to his word once! I think I may look back in 12 months and be glad I'm out of this rollercoaster nightmare - well I hope so anyway!

MLS trust me I know how hard it is but it will get better

I really thought I couldnt live without him and am so pleased I did, he would always have been unfaithful and unreliable. Whilst there are situations where our behavour is a contributing factor their behavour is often caused by baggage that they bring into the relationship from the start. In my OH case his mother had a string of abusive & unfaithful partners and thats just how he thought a relationship worked. I shudder to think my life could have gone on like that.

Take time for yourself and your DH, get together with your mates, have some fun, dont drop everything if he decides its "on" again. Its time for him to show if he is a man or mouse

gosh sounds so familiar driving past houses to see whose car was where and tiny glimmer if wasn't but I know all the deceit and lies and just don't know where to find the trust some of it was so very very bad - I just keep asking why he wants me back when he treated me so badly and like ernest doesn't really seem to be trying I do love him but some days i just wish he would leave me alone to get on with my life....oh and of course stalker lunatic pregnant ex OW has rented a flat in the block next to him (she really just can't let it go and this is huge problem for me...)

oh and sent request to join MSN group...I think anyone get it??

hi mac, just doing some admin while dd naps. sorry for the delay but you're approved now.

mcd she sounds like a loon

oh yes but liar manipulative whereas I am strong and outspoken so looks like she is poor little victim and somehow I have done wrong - she is BARKING - some of her texs and voicemails to DH beggar belief...sad thing is I don' think he can really see her for what she is

Having had acquaintances who have made a habit of affairs with married men they fell into two "types"

Committment phobe, no chance of him leaving his wife so no pressure (unfortunately two did and got dumped shortly afterwards)

Low self-esteem, so grateful for attention from anyone the fact that they were married was irrelevant.

Macdoodle the best thing to do is just ignore her, difficult I know but attention will just feed her behaviour. Hideous shame a child has to be brought into that situation though.

Hi all

MLS do you have MSN messenger? Would be great to chat. Sorry H is such an idiot

Things here gone back to original plan, I'm going away with dc's to my Mum's for the weekend while he stays here then he's going away next week when I get back. Not sure how I feel about it, just fraustrated that we can't work it out without it coming to this. Time to think will be good for us both tho.

Any suggestions for entertaining 4 yr old and 2 yr old for 7 hrs whilst driving gratefully received

IOHW, would love to chat on messenger but haven't been online same time as you yet

Thinking of you all xx

sunshinegirl, i used to go to tesco and spend a tenner on a bagful of bits n bobs and produce something new when the skids started getting cranky.

sticker books and so on are a big hit.

failing that, get h's cc and invest in a dvd system!!

oh and the last 3 hours you can feed them chocolate and sweets coz your mother will be taking over on arrival

I generally put on a cd they like eg cat in the hat or the wiggles - until they fall asleeep the mine goes back on!! They always have colouring and I did print some car lotto sheets off of a website last time we went a long way.

I've done a 10 hour journey a few times with now 3, 6 & 7 year old. My top tips are try and time your journey so at least a couple of hour will be sleeping eg leave very early in morning so they sleep for 1st couple of hours, but that's harder at this time of year as it's light early, or late afternoon so they sleep last couple of hours, so then time it that you stop every couple of hours for wee & run around, then final stop for dinner, get them into pj's and tell them when they get back in car it's sleepy time.

For the journey itself, a wee bottle, (esp if you've got boys) a dvd player, loads of snacks essential. Any other tips feel free. It's not as bad as it sounds. I prefer 13 hour drive to flying in many ways.

A wee bottle, now that's a good idea
Had been saying to H what the hell will I do if ds needs a wee whilst on motorway and nowhere to stop!

Going on past experience they won't sleep in the car. Have been to Tesco's this PM and stocked up on colouring books and loads of stickers etc so fingers crossed should be ok. Other than that maybe a large dose of Calpol, lol

Thanks for the tips!

Feeling a bit weird about going, I suppose because the ball has been in my court for a while so to speak and now it's more in H's. Never mind, will just try and enjoy the time and get some thinking done. Looking forward to seeing you Dior!!

Hope you're all ok? x

Hi all - had a NIGHT OUT yesterday! Saw Pirates 3 with a friend, lovely to have a bit of time to myself.

Ernest, MLS, Lou, sorry youre having crap times at the moment. (But I do like IOHW's ideas for revenge! What an imagination!)

Mel/Sugarplum, would you like to be called SP or Sugar? Sugar makes me think of Marylin Monroe in Some Like it Hot, appropriate for one of the Fab & Glams!

trying to keep upbeat at the moment. Told DD about the split today. She has been remarkably OK about it, although she keeps coming up with questions like How will daddy read me my stories, Will Daddy take his armchair, etc. I decided to tell her myself in the end, as I thought he would probably say something that would set her off.

Then had to tell rest of family as I was booking flights to go up in August. They seem more upset than any of us, although i suppose its more of a shock to them as Ive had time to think about it all.

Suppose Ill have to tell school when DD goes back - then sit back and wait to see how long before rest of the village knows!

Sunshinegirl, hope your trip goes OK. All good ideas from the others, can also recommend story tapes/cds.