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Original poster

Imagine I'm your neighbour

150 replies

user1487175389 · 26/03/2018 07:11

You're the mother and resident parent of a child the same age as mine. We've known each other for several years. I regularly (without your knowledge) arrange with the child's non-resident parent (who lives 10 miles away) to have your 8 year old round to play at my house without your knowledge.

I seem to know exactly which weekends your child spends with you and I don't contact you for playdates when she's with you. On several occasions I have taken your child out for higher risk activities and again you were not informed and only found out when the children told you. I'm aware there your ex was abusive to you and that he is likely to keep these things from you. Do you think I'm strange at all?

OP posts:
RemainOptimistic · 26/03/2018 07:19

Your neighbour and your ex are friends? This annoys you?

ijustwannadance · 26/03/2018 07:20

Yes it does sound strange.
Are you shagging the neighbours ex?
Or is this a reverse and it's your kid being taken out?

tissuesosoft · 26/03/2018 07:22

I would think you’re more than strange. (Have a feeling this is a reverse) Arranging secret meet ups between a child and an abusive ex partner without the resident parent knowing? Unless there’s a massive drip feed, how can you know that the resident parent doesn’t have something in place to prevent unsupervised contact? If I was the resident parent and found out- I would do everything I can to prevent contact with yourself and my child.

LEMtheoriginal · 26/03/2018 07:23

This reply has been deleted

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pigeondujour · 26/03/2018 07:24

I think you're strange for writing it like that.

And yes, it's a bit weird for your neighbour to be seeing your ex or whatever and not telling you, especially if you and she do playdates. Cool it right off with her.

LineysRun · 26/03/2018 07:26

I don't understand the opening post. Too early?

Original poster
user1487175389 · 26/03/2018 07:27

Yes, it's a reverse. I needed to get some perspectives.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1487175389 · 26/03/2018 07:30

LEM - I'm not allowing it to happen, as much as trying to figure out what the motives are here and whether I can do anything about it.

OP posts:
GuntyMcGee · 26/03/2018 07:33

Can you explain the issue more clearly please, without the reverse please?

LEMtheoriginal · 26/03/2018 07:33

I would say take legal advice

Dancinggoat · 26/03/2018 07:36

Why would you do that ?
I read it that you have your friends child over to play so their father can see them or when he has contact and your friend doesn't know.
You take your friends child out without your friend knowing to activities.

Ex has been abusive.

Would you be happy. Doubt it. How are you being friends to your neighbour doing that ?

Do you like having the power over your friend ?

I find your actions if I've read it right absolutely abhorrent.

Bekabeech · 26/03/2018 07:37

She sounds weird, unless she is some kind of relative that he uses for child care?
I would ideally move away to put more distance between us and to have less of a feeling that I was being watched by her.

Does she just arrange playdates when your DD is on contact visits with her father? Does your DD like her daughter?

I think she is either in a relationship with your ex, or wants to be. I would not trust her an inch, as in anything you might say to her could well go straight back to your ex.

But I'm not sure there is anything you can do about this if it happens in his contact time, unless your DD is in actual danger. Maybe if she takes your DD "free climbing" or taking part in rodeos - you could take the issue to court, but if it's something like roller coasters, indoor climbing walls etc. then there is probably nothing you can do.

InfiniteSheldon · 26/03/2018 07:42

They are in a relationship or one of them wants to be, or you are Hmm i am a bit lost as as to whether it's you or the Neighbour

TanteRose · 26/03/2018 07:43

I wouldn't be able to trust her - is she and your exDH having an affair? sounds a bit like it...she knows a lot about your schedule etc.

ShiftyMcGifty · 26/03/2018 07:49

I assume she doesn’t know or believe he was abusive. As he has the kids unsupervised, maybe this confirms it for her.

I also assume he’s told her a completely different point of view about your marriage and that he’s quite charming and believable. I mean you fell for it and married him, didn’t you?

She’s staying away from you because she’s his friend not yours and believes his version of what happened when you divorced.

PrimalLass · 26/03/2018 07:52

I can't work out who is who.

Giggorata · 26/03/2018 07:54

The reverse has made this hard to understand fully.
Does this other mother have your child to play with hers when your child is supposed to be on contact with your ex?
Or does your ex join in with the visits?
Either way, it's decidedly odd.
Or am I misunderstanding?

Looneytune253 · 26/03/2018 07:54

With all due respect (unless I’ve missed something) as long as your neighbour is an ok person (I’m guessing so as she seems to be a friend of yours too) then is there any harm in play dates? Doesn’t really matter what dad does with dc when with him unless it’s a risk to them?

LolitaLempicka · 26/03/2018 07:57

Do you contact her for play dates when you do have your child?

Troels · 26/03/2018 08:02

I'd think you were a nasty piece of work and sly too.

TERFragetteCity · 26/03/2018 08:02

So your neighbour has your child next door and you don't know about it? When they are supposed to be with their father?

Or takes them to activities, some high risk, without you knowing about it?

UrsulaPandress · 26/03/2018 08:03

So your child comes to play next door to you on the weekends you don't have her?

LineysRun · 26/03/2018 08:04

Who is supposed to be where?

blackeyes72 · 26/03/2018 08:09

Totally confused 😕

RainyApril · 26/03/2018 08:09

So your neighbour remained friends with your ex and has your dc for playdates sometimes when it's 'his' weekend, including taking them out to activities that you consider to be risky?

If throughout al of this your neighbour has pretended to be your friend, purposely keeping all of this from you, then it's odd.

If you are purely neighbours, know each other only to say hello or whatever, then I don't think it's odd - she's your ex's friend (or gf) not yours.