He just raised his fist to me

[tobbay]

So we went for coffee and we were meant to be having one hour together afterwards in the whole weekend because we both have children and that's all we get until Tuesday night. As we were leaving the coffee for 1 hour and in his words "cuddles and TV" his sister-in-law text to say could they come over. He replied secretly saying yes come straight away. I then questioned it and asked why because this is our time and very precious time so could they not come in an hour's time or a bit later or tomorrow because they are free all weekend? He then said they were his family and he could do what he wanted and he didn't need to consult me.

So then he said that I have no family and nobody visits me which is sadly true as my real family are dead and the other family I have our ones who married into the family who aren't blood relatives and sadly they do not visit me this really hurt me and I got upset he made no effort to come for me also sorry for the hurtful words. He then raised his fist to me and said that he would like to smash my f face in..... and also said I was a fucking bitch..

This was all over me just wanting to spend one hour of quality time with him because we don't get that at all or hardly ever due to living apart and having two children each.

Was I wrong and should I have been more flexible? And let our quality time lapse so his family could come? (They live 5 mins away so not a once in a lifetime visit!)..

Was the fact that he DIDN'T actually hit me enough to excuse the fist being raised?

I'm sorry this happened. Please leave. This is one step from hitting you and totally unacceptable.

Bin the nasty little man

The best outcome for you would be that today was the last time you fit him into your schedule.
Raise the bar and dtb.
Tonight.
(dump the bastard)

Was the fact that he DIDN'T actually hit me enough to excuse the fist being raised?

The fact you're questioning this is very worrying

I hope you've dumped him OP

Walk away NOW! It will only get worse.

It’s only going to get worse, leave while you can.

What you do now is really important. Dump him and everything will be OK. Continue seeing him and it'll get worse - you'd be telling him that how he's behaved just now is acceptable.

Yuck. Make no excuses for him. There are none.

And make no more time for him either. Please dump him. The whole scene just sounds so cruel and so horrible.

This is the only red flag you need. If he could threaten you in public like that he will definitely beat you up in private.

Tell him it is over and to never contact you again.

Delete his number and clear him from any apps.

If you are religious, thank your God for showing you what a cunt you nearly wasted time on.

Get away from this animal! Even if he hadn’t raised his fist, the very fact he “wants to smash your face in” is unforgivable. So, no, the fact he didn’t hit you is already irrelevant by this point!

Please make today the last time you see him.

Was the fact that he DIDN'T actually hit me enough to excuse the fist being raised?

No, never, not in a million years

And don’t wait around until he does hit you, and he will

He sounds vile - please don't let him treat you like this . Leave him to his own sad ways . He can see his family as much as he wants then . Good luck!

Goodness OP. Run away. Block him and find a gentleman who respects you, your opinion and your feelings. Horrid little sewer shit turd. He deserves his face being smashed in. Don't ever think this is your fault.

Was the fact that he DIDN'T actually hit me enough to excuse the fist being raised?

He told you he wanted to smash your f*ing face in. I think that alone is completely unacceptable.

Please get away from this man now.

He is an abuser, be grateful that you have limited your time with him and get away fast.. Do not consider a future with him, at some point he will smash your face in

IMO raising your fist is as bad as actually hitting someone. Dump his sorry arse and find someone who will show you more respect.

How can you question what he did? If a man raises his fist to you, he doesn't love you.

I’d be surprised if this is the first time he’s done anything like this, it seems a very bizarre response to a non-event. You questioning whether you should have been more flexible and the fact that he didn’t actually hit you means maybe it’s not so bad also make me think you’ve normalised some previous aggressive behaviour. This is not normal op and it’s not ok. Get somewhere safe, dump his sorry arse and block him.

Of course you weren't wrong. You know that really. Please end this relationship, otherwise you WILL become one of those women who everyone else pities and is horrified by what she puts up with. He WILL become violent to you. Why would you want that?

Tell him he is a vile, cowardly bully who doesn't deserve a relationship and end it. Then block him from your life, or you.

You want to spend quality time with him. He thinks you are a bitch and wants to smash your f*ing face in.

There is your answer.

Why is this even a question? This man has shown himself to be violent. His actions and words were violent. Take the warning and run like fuck from him.

He is violent.

Your boundaries are really awful OP if you need to question if this bad or not. It's absolutely appalling and you need to run away from him as fast as you can. No if, buts or maybes. It doesn't even matter if you did behave unreasonably. If he was frustrated with you, the right response is to walk away to cool down until tempers had calmed or to talk it through. He is a nasty, viscous, mysogenistic bully. Please do not put up with this shit.

(sorry about that unnecessary "or you" at the end.)

Please listen to what people are telling you OP.

He's shown you and told you who he is. He is no comrade or ally. Start planning an end to this and don't minimize this.

Oh OP. He’s a bastard and a dangerous one. Please run far far away and never look back.