He just raised his fist to me

[tobbay]

So we went for coffee and we were meant to be having one hour together afterwards in the whole weekend because we both have children and that's all we get until Tuesday night. As we were leaving the coffee for 1 hour and in his words "cuddles and TV" his sister-in-law text to say could they come over. He replied secretly saying yes come straight away. I then questioned it and asked why because this is our time and very precious time so could they not come in an hour's time or a bit later or tomorrow because they are free all weekend? He then said they were his family and he could do what he wanted and he didn't need to consult me.

So then he said that I have no family and nobody visits me which is sadly true as my real family are dead and the other family I have our ones who married into the family who aren't blood relatives and sadly they do not visit me this really hurt me and I got upset he made no effort to come for me also sorry for the hurtful words. He then raised his fist to me and said that he would like to smash my f face in..... and also said I was a fucking bitch..

This was all over me just wanting to spend one hour of quality time with him because we don't get that at all or hardly ever due to living apart and having two children each.

Was I wrong and should I have been more flexible? And let our quality time lapse so his family could come? (They live 5 mins away so not a once in a lifetime visit!)..

Was the fact that he DIDN'T actually hit me enough to excuse the fist being raised?

Go off and enjoy yourself: go out and see friends, or watch a film, or do something else just for yourself. Make it obvious to him that you don't give a damn, and that his going no contact is welcome because it leaves you free to do your own thing. You will discover for yourself that you really do not need this arsehole. Remember when he comes up with the empty assurances of how much he loves you that his actions demonstrate the opposite.

Oh god... I've brought my Son and his friends swimming and he's here! He's completely blanking me but I'm desperate to speak to him..... help!!

Why do you want to speak to someone who treats you like shit? Why do you want to inflict him on your children to any extent. Ignore him.

Look at getting counselling for yourself if you can.

What would you tell one of your students who told you their father or boyfriend or mums boyfriend spoke to them like that but its ok " cos their a nice guy"...

Ignore him. He is a nasty piece of work.

You are worth more.

Why do you want to speak to him?

Because I still want it to be ok...

I know it's wrong bit as I said, it's so hard when you've spent every bit of date time with someone.

He's also cleanly shaven which he never does on a Saturday so now thinking he's had someone over last night...

I'm a wreck

I suppose if it needed I wanted to be the one to do it and now it seems, as always, he has the upper hand and the control and all the blame is on me

*if it ended

If he had the slightest ounce of respect for you, he for one would not even dream of speaking to you like that, and secondly would not raise his hand or fist to you (regardless of whether he followed through or not).

He's scum and you know it. Don't let the 'what used to be' cloud your judgement. That person has long sailed his ship and has shown you his true colours.

Don't be a doormat for anyone, you are worth than that. Only one life, live it, free and happy.

tobbay you sound very immature. You need to control this situation. I feel sorry for your DC as your not being a good role model. Get a grip and ignore him

Agree with pp.. You do sound immature.

There has been loads of advise here for you. Listen!

I also feel you are not ready to end it. As they say you can't help people who won't help themselves.

Well it won't be okay because what is done cannot be undone.

In the nicest possible way you need to stop being pathetic about this, see it for what it is.

Yep ok harsh but true.

I've just had every ounce knocked out of me and im broken so forgive me for nlt being rational.

Ignore him. Blank him. That’s you taking control. And however you feel, fake it till you make it. This man is bad news and getting him out of your life is the best thing you could ever do.

I feel this 'relationship' has stunted your emotional growth. You really do need to move on.

My Nan said you should judge a man by his actions, not his words. He has shown you who he is. No one will change him.

OP I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to stop thinking like a victim and change your mindset to that of a survivor.

Walk away from the relationship, don't let this man back into your life. You will feel lonely and scared at first after stepping away from such an abusive relationship but it will pass with time. I would take a short period of loneliness any day over a never ending cycle of being emotionally abused and threatened with physical violence.

If you think like a victim then he has all the power. You need to switch your mindset. Forget what the abuse has taught you, you do have control over your own life and you can walk away from this man for good if you really want to.

I think this op needs people to be harsh with her.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks she sounds immature, yet she says she is a 40 something teacher!

Apparently this sorry tale had been discussed on here about 2 years ago, and the advice then as now, was to ditch the horrible man.

What more do you expect from folk on here op?

I have to agree with the others. You are a mature professional woman and a mother.

I reckon some therapy and reading is in order for you to grow.

Better to travel alone than badly accompanied. Some women feel any man is better than no man. This is bollocks.

OP you really need to pull yourself together.

What he is doing is so far below anything that's normal, rational or acceptable, yet you still seem desperate to be with him.

Come on, do the right thing! It's like you've been brainwashed.

You seem very desperate. Reading your previous posts you jump from one relationship to another and state in most of them that after a month of dating ........ He does tho or that etc. All advise seems to be to leave the one you're with. Maybe spend a good deal of time on your own. I'd say your children have been exposed to more than their fair share of mummys crazy boyfriends.

This is getting nasty now.

Please stop attacking someone who has come on here for support; it may just drive her away. This should be a place where people are able to talk about their vulnerabilities without harshness and lack of understanding.

There’s nothing wrong with the OP’s last few posts, FFS!

She’s not the first woman on here to post numerous times about the shit relationship she’s in, but struggling to leave.

She can post here a thousand times if she wants, and hopefully one day soon it will be to tell us she left him, and thank those who listened and didn’t judge her. Anyone who can’t do that, no one is forcing you to read her threads.

@SusannahL that's what these pages are for and as the pp said, you aren't being forced to read any of my posts. So I thank the rest of you for the support you've given