He just raised his fist to me

[tobbay]

So we went for coffee and we were meant to be having one hour together afterwards in the whole weekend because we both have children and that's all we get until Tuesday night. As we were leaving the coffee for 1 hour and in his words "cuddles and TV" his sister-in-law text to say could they come over. He replied secretly saying yes come straight away. I then questioned it and asked why because this is our time and very precious time so could they not come in an hour's time or a bit later or tomorrow because they are free all weekend? He then said they were his family and he could do what he wanted and he didn't need to consult me.

So then he said that I have no family and nobody visits me which is sadly true as my real family are dead and the other family I have our ones who married into the family who aren't blood relatives and sadly they do not visit me this really hurt me and I got upset he made no effort to come for me also sorry for the hurtful words. He then raised his fist to me and said that he would like to smash my f face in..... and also said I was a fucking bitch..

This was all over me just wanting to spend one hour of quality time with him because we don't get that at all or hardly ever due to living apart and having two children each.

Was I wrong and should I have been more flexible? And let our quality time lapse so his family could come? (They live 5 mins away so not a once in a lifetime visit!)..

Was the fact that he DIDN'T actually hit me enough to excuse the fist being raised?

OP he sounds like a complete and utter wanker. You need to take back the control, stop giving it all to him. I promise you, once you're in control of the situation, it feels fucking fantastic. Send him one text, finishing things from your end and then block him.

I've a feeling this slimeball will try and wheedle his way back in with you...take the control back, block and ignore.

The only advice that I can give is to leave him, you are worth so much more. He may of just raised his fist but you will always be waiting to see if it happens again or much worse

You sound very obsessed with this man, OP. And for a woman in her 40s with children, it all sounds very needy and desperate if I'm being honest. Just take a step back and try to see how your behaviour around this man must be affecting your children, because it will be.

You know this man is a waster, he's a bully and he treats you like shit. Find someone that is worthy of your adoration and try to work on your self esteem, because no one deserves to be treated like this.

Holy shit op
He is mean
I had an ex like this. I couldn’t see why the nice times had changed and I kept thinking if I was patient they’d come back. What it is, is him showing his true colours.

Do fuck off with your nastiness @SusannahL

I hope you managed to stay strong diring swimming OP. You deserve so much better than this man. Men like him will always be super charming and loving my and then it will be all horrendous and nastily, than once again. It’s how they keep you hooked. The nice and charming isn’t them tho, just remember that. The horrid and nasty is them. Because if they genuinely loved you, they’d never treat you so badly

You have kids. You or them do NOT want a man in your life that RAISES HIS FISTS AT YOU!!

Sorry for shouting. Please get out, find your self worth and be an example to your kids.

Your future self and them will thank you. You are strong enough to do this!

And I say this to every woman who has been there, like me.

I don't recall the OP once saying that she wants to leave this man.
On the contrary her comments seem to indicate that she is desperate not to lose this relationship. Some women will never believe that being alone for 5 minutes in peace and tranquility would be preferable to being being threatened with having their faces smashed in.
All the posters here who have taken the time to care and write that she needs to get away from him immediately know they are giving the right advice but unfortunately it won't be taken.
OP has no family or support and that in itself is tough. It can make some people see care and affection when really it is all a smokescreen. We don't know him but we can all see he isn't a good man. He is just a fraud and a manipulator and OP is the victim.
I feel the OP is just running away from the inevitable which is this man will completely grind her into the ground before dumping her when he finds a new victim.

Do you think he loves you OP? Because his actions say no. He is abusive, cruel and taunting. You don't deserve that and your children don't deserve to see this man erode and grind you down more.

Are you a fixer? Do you think you can change him?

So he cut short your precious time, threatened to smash your face in, called you a bitch and then blanked you when out, but he would be devastated to the core of you left him? Surely you can see that he does not love you. Please stop being desperate and needy for him as that will make him worse. You need to be strong. Do you have a daughter? Imagine she was in your position. Or your sister or a friend? You need love in your life but that love needs to come from yourself. If you love yourself, no way would you put up with this crap.

OP, he doesn't have the upper hand and control. There is help out there for you to take complete control of your own life. Start by taking advantage of his pathetic no contact game by making it permanent - block him, change the locks, and sort out some fun with your friends over the school holidays. Also sort out counselling. You simply aren't getting anything worth having from this relationship.

Op read these threads
I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3179933-i-m-35-today-i-ve-realised-my-marriage-is-over

How do you actually divorce a Narcissist?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/3176187-how-do-you-actually-divorce-a-narcissist

I have decided to end my relationship - help me see this throughwww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3193620-I-have-decided-to-end-my-relationship-help-me-see-this-through

That's just a few - these could be you in a few years time. You're in a good place at the moment, ye don't live together or have children together you can break the cycle if you want. Google cycle of abuse
Sign up for the freedom programme, I just signed up for the online one today

You're educated, read books about emotional abuse.

A sentence that stood out for me in this last month since I decided finally to do something to end the EA/DV marriage I'm in is the only amount of abuse which is correct in a relationship is NONE and I repeat that mantra daily.