Do you think all men would cheat, given the opportunity?

[giggidy1]

Just curious really?

I'm single but have had a few long term relationships and all ended in cheating.

Since being single I'm shocked at the amount of times a married man has made a pass at me. A guy at work for example, puts on a facade of being happily married with a baby and toddler but has sent explicit messages to me on company email. Talking to friends I'm not the only one who has experienced this.

Looking through the relationship boards here they are full of similar stories.

It's got me thinking. Do you think that all men would cheat given the opportunity? Are some programmed this way? Or is it always symptomatic of the state of their relationship?

I'm not niave. I make no great claim that most men wouldn't cheat but insisting that all men would is a myth to soothe bruised egos

Completely disagree.

Many men don't cheat and wouldn't cheat, because they don't want to risk losing their wife and family. They know it isn't worth the potential fall out.

But, let's say, they had an opportunity to cheat and a guarantee that no one would ever find out...yep, 99.9% would. Most women too imo.

Most. Yep.

When I was newly single I was utterly gobsmacked at how many husbands tried it on with me (FB/Whatsapp) ones that are professing deep love for their other halves on social media. Kind,caring role model husbands. It's depressing -I have quite a few male married friends now and the Percentage who use sex workers and the snidey way they go about doing this is depressing -

Well I wouldn't, regardless of being found out or not, I value loyalty. I can't imagine I'm such an outlier. I'm fairly typical by most standards.

Elementtree

I think the things which stop most people cheating are...

Not wanting to upset their partner
Not wanting their partner to leave them
Fear of breaking up their family

Take these things away and give them a free pass, I'd say most would...

I don't think so formerbabe. But, let's say you are right and I am wrong. The op doesn't include such caveats and simply asks if all men would cheat given the opportunity. I think once you include men who would walk away because it would hurt their spouse or risk breaking up their family, then most would walk away.

But these won't be the married men who pursue affairs in bars or the office or anywhere else, they'll be the ones in the background, getting on with life.

Whatever happened to self respect and restraint?
This thread is getting so depressing.
Obviously I can add 'dinosaur' to my list of faults but infidelity isn't one of them.

No. I know quite a few men who look down on adultery as being common.

I know this is not the point of the thread but this reminded me of something.
Yesterday I was sat in a restaurant with a male friend and there was a family sat across from us, a couple with a very small baby, another younger couple and the grandparents of the baby. The father of the baby kept stealing glances at me, even when he got up to rock the baby he was staring at me, my friend noticed too.
it made me sick how he could be looking at another woman whilst holding his baby and at dinner with his partner and parent or parents in law. I wonder what he gets up to when they're not around.

@fornetbabe I wouldn't cheat in the situation you have outlined. It's disloyal and gross. Why would I degrade myself like that?

I think men in general get fewer offers unless they were actively looking for it - I’m married and when I go out I pretty much always get hit on by men (more so when I was younger but it still happens!). I would imagine a man of the same level of physical attractiveness as me would not get anything like this level of attention from women. The idea of shagging some random doesn’t appeal to me anyway and I am rarely even a bit tempted. If most men had as many women throwing themselves at them as this I think they would be likely to cheat.

No

Lots of men and women wouldn't cheat, lots would.

When going through a rough few years, DH came to me, and talked because he was finding a woman at work attractive and felt a connection, he felt guilty. It was gutting but he didn't cheat, we talked loads, a year or so later (still in our rough patch) I did have an affair, we separated, DH went dating. But we couldn't stop talking to each other though, we tried to support each other in making our separate ways in life.

We decided that it was "us" that made us happy, after lots more talking, we got back together.

We are happy together.

People are different, some would cheat for the hell of it, regardless of the state of their marriage, some people won't cheat no matter how bad their marriage was.

Would I cheat again? Definitely not.

Would DH cheat on me? Going on our past history, no.

Our marriage would end because we are not happy. Instead of getting sucked into an EA or physical Affair.

Bit controversial but I actually think more women cheat than men, perhaps unintentionally though.

Not meaning they all have sex, but I think women can more easily fall into an emotional affair than men, but not really realise it. They may see it as the man is being friendly and kind, when really they are hurting their partner by telling the other man all of their secrets, worries etc. This can obviously lead to a physical affair but doesn't have to. It's still cheating in effect, you're turning to another person for comfort and getting emotional attention from someone else. It's more than friendship, and doubtful that the husband would like another man knowing all of their problems.

The women who have sex with other men do tend to be just better at hiding it. Not many men are able to successfully hide affairs let's face it, they can be pretty stupid about it. Women may be just not take as many risks. I know my friend has cheated on every guy she's been with and never once been caught (I do tell her off for this but she doesn't learn.)

We're never going to know the answer of course. People who do the surveys can lie obviously, may even say they did when they haven't or wouldn't cheat.

Yes, I think so. Not all, obviously, but most.

My mother worked in a male dominated industry for 40 years and that's her opinion and experience too.

I have a close friend whose marriage broke up and she was actually hit on by married men, but not only that - men who she knew , whose wives she knew, who were seemingly happily married, wonderful family men

Most people (men and women) won't cheat because of the fear of being found out and what they will lose. Take that away and if they know they won't get caught, then yes, I'd say quite a lot would take the opportunity.

Personally I think it's very naive to state as fact that your DH would never cheat on you. Nobody knows that for sure.

Women cheat just as much. They’re just much better at concealing it.

I must be the only woman who has never been hit on by a married man. Im in my late 20s, not a whiff. I wonder if these sleaze balls are disproportionate within someone demographics (mostly career wise, as i guess thats how a lot of affair partners meet).

Im quite cynical. Do I believe DP would cheat on me? No. Can I know that? No. I dont think I am more moral than him, but I find it easier to have difficult conversations and "hurt" people with honesty (not in a malicious way) so I think I would be less likely to cheat because I would find it easier to end things first. I have no investment that means I couldnt walk away before things got to that stage. Both DP and I have seen enough affairs through family, etc, to realise that people are unreliable, generally. And I dont know if you can predict who the reliable ones are. I have chosen not to get married or have DC for that reason- I think you should always assume you might end up alone. I assume most people who cheat have previously claimed they never could/would. It is an objective reality that most people probably cant be trusted romantically in a monogamous relationship, but I dont see any harm in living with this knowledge right at the back of your mind, not taking up too much space, and just doing your best to pick the least obviously wretched one.

I don't think that all men would cheat but some attached people are flirts/enjoy the chase and would get a kick out of knowing who would shag them if they were single.

That happened to a friend of mine. This guy made a proposition to her while his wife, who she also knew, was heavily pregnant. She was disgusted. The couple and the newborn baby were sitting a few tables away from us when she told us the story. He looked the right family man, like butter wouldn't melt....yuk..

But most - yes. Ime it's usually men that cheat

But these men are statistically likely to be heterosexual, and hence to be having sex with a woman, so unless we are presuming that none of the female partners in an affair are themselves in committed relationships or marriages, women are as likely to have illicit sex.

I agree with a couple of previous posters. I know far more women who have had affairs than men I am mid-40s, and have lived all over the world since my early 20s, so have a very wide variety of friends in most cases, without being found out.

Yes. Religious or not..

I used to date a Mormon guy and he was the biggest cheat I've ever come across.

I'm not religious at all and didn't realise he was until we'd been together for a while. He cheated on me with a girl from church. It later transpired he had a trail of ex girlfriends from church. He would convince them they were going to end up together, make them lose their virginities to him then dump them.

The last time I heard from him was the night before his wedding day, asking to meet in a hotel...

That was a long long time ago. Since then I have been cheated on a few times, usually as relationships were coming to an end anyway. This I sort of understand.

Have been more shocked by the amount of seemingly happily married/coupled up men who have tried it on with me. I do wonder now if there is such a thing as a faithful relationship now.

@Graphista,

Did I say it was?

But, let's say, they had an opportunity to cheat and a guarantee that no one would ever find out...yep, 99.9% would. Most women too imo.

What does this actually mean though?

Having to lie repeatedly, having no conscience to give you away, having to compartmentalise what you're doing; and there's always the chance to the OW or an acquaintance spilling the beans.

The only way one could get close to 99% would be
a) working abroad for extended period
b) sex worker in said location.

It would be interesting to know the proportion of men who cheat with sex workers when working overseas away from wives. I bet it's high.

I agree with Windchimes, I think. The ones that have affairs are either unhappy or fucked up and fall for the quick ego boost. I guess that still covers a sizeable fraction of humanity though.

Of course not.

I don’t think so. I was with my exh for almost a decade and he didn’t cheat. Likewise been with DP for two years, he hasn’t cheated.

I’ve only actually been cheated on once but it was in an abusive relationship anyway so it seemed part of the very vindictive parcel. Aside from that, no experience with it and have never cheated myself. I don’t actually know many male cheats either if I’m totally honest. You have clearly drawn the short straw one too many times OP.