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Original poster

DH warning me about gossip at work

152 replies

winewellies · 23/03/2018 09:40

Bit of background .. DH works away , it used to be 4 nights a week and recently it has gone up to 5 nights and an occasional 'emergency' got to go in today ...
He has in the past suspected I am having an affair ( I'm not !) Posted on here about it.
We get on okay , both tired and stressed with work , kids and elderly parents etc.
He came home last week and said he needed to warn me that he'd had an argument with a guy at work who had been gossiping about him having an affair and that this bloke had threatened to contact me
I asked him if he was , why would someone think he was, who was the OW supposed to be etc etc ~ he said this bloke was annoyed that DH had been given a project over him , that because he doesn't go out with them after work and goes for a walk or visits his Mother (she lives where he works) that it looks dodgy and that there wasn't a particular woman named .
So now I am watching his every move ! Thinking he was trying to get in first so I would dismiss any contact from this bloke or was he being honest !? and its making an atmosphere
Just needed to vent really - don't know how to handle it

OP posts:

bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 09:42

Sorry to say, but I would be thinking exactly the same as you. Someone is going to tell you. When you say going to work on additional days, is that at the weekend?

Branleuse · 23/03/2018 09:44

id be thinking the same as you x

MoanaofMotunui · 23/03/2018 09:45

I'd be thinking the same too. Could you ask his mum if he has been popping in on the days he's said he was there?

bluebell34567 · 23/03/2018 09:45

sorry but it looks like he is having an affair.

TossDaily · 23/03/2018 09:46

Sounds like arse-covering to me. Sorry.

InDubiousBattle · 23/03/2018 09:47

Threatening to contact a spouse about a non existent affair because you didn't get a project you wanted? Ask yourself how likely this actually is. I think you a are right in thinking what you do.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 23/03/2018 09:48

A visit to the mil should shake him up...

Original poster

winewellies · 23/03/2018 09:50

Last week he was off for four days.. a weekend and the Mon & Tuesday ...then he rang me at work Monday afternoon to say he'd been called in, he text later to say he was staying at his Mother's but to be honest short of ringing her and asking outright I can't check that.
I am waiting for someone to contact me ! I know who it is and have found him on FB

OP posts:

Whenthereshope · 23/03/2018 09:50

You already know the likelihood that This is true is close to zero. Imagine being at work and doing nothing wrong and some lunatic says your having an affair and he's telling your husband? Think you're just come home and mention it to him? No, you're be fuming and yours have told your boss that some crazed lunatic is spreading rumours about you. Really sorry but he had definitely done something with someone at work 😩

StarlightSparkle · 23/03/2018 09:51

It seems unlikely that someone would fabricate something like that to get back at a colleague. His workmate would have to be a bit deranged to want to destroy someone’s marriage with a made up story because he didn’t get a particular project he wanted. More likely that there is something in the accusation and your dh was trying to get in there first. Do you have any other reason to suspect he could be having an affair? Change in behaviour/ making more effort with appearance/ spending more time on phone and/ or being cagey about it? He certainly has opportunity if he’s away 5 nights a week and the sudden extra days and ‘emergency call-outs’ sounds fishy.

Justanotherzombie · 23/03/2018 09:51

You may never be contacted but I'd be pretty sure he was having an affair.

StormTreader · 23/03/2018 09:53

" he text later to say he was staying at his Mother's but to be honest short of ringing her and asking outright I can't check that."

You ring her and say "could you put him on, I need to ask him something quickly" - if he answers, say "oh I wanted to ask you where something was but I've just spotted it", if she says "err hes not here, was he supposed to be?" then you know hes busted.

Winchester13 · 23/03/2018 09:53

Sorry :( I think he probably is having an affair. The story he told seems very unlikely

Dancingmonkey87 · 23/03/2018 09:53

The things that stick out for me in your posts is he accused you of having an affair and the increase level he is away from home. If you found the man I would mess him and ask him. It’s likely he is having an affair.

AlbertaSimmons · 23/03/2018 09:55

Imagine being at work and doing nothing wrong and some lunatic says your having an affair and he's telling your husband?

Years ago when I was preg with DS1, a male colleague, who I had met only once in a meeting, phoned me to say that he and I were the subject of gossip. The gossip was that he was the father of my child. He was apologetic, the rumour had started in his department he had no idea why, given that we didn't know each other but he thought I should be forewarned. The rumour never really went away.

Based on that experience, nothing would surprise me and you should give your DH the benefit of the doubt for now IMO. If there is something amiss, you will find out soon enough. You could get on the front foot with it and go direct to the source for confirmation.

StarlightSparkle · 23/03/2018 09:55

Agree with the others - call his mum and ask her. You could ask ‘did dh leave his x round your house the other day when he stayed?’ If she sounds confused you have your answer.

trojanpony · 23/03/2018 09:57

that because he doesn't go out with them after work and goes for a walk

I’m sorry but if I thought this about everyone I worked with there would only be 5 monogamous people in the office.

He is very likely having an affair.

I would be ringing his mothers early in the morning before work and insisting on speaking to him and I would be calling him for nice long chats every night he is away

ParadiseCity · 23/03/2018 09:58

Would you have any suspicions otherwise? All you can really do is watch and wait. And maybe DH could secretly record his next conversation with this bloke to play back to you?

I was once in a similarish situation and my DP was innocent. I know because the person trying to backstab him accidentally
butt-dialled me whilst telling someone else the truth and it was all on my voicemail.

Hope it turns out ok. Horrible for you in the meantime.

Original poster

winewellies · 23/03/2018 09:58

There are no women at his work but we grew up in the area so went to school and know a lot of people there.
It'd be very easy for him to spend an evening with someone or even use holidays to have a day off - but being seen and mutual friends finding out through the local gossip etc is very likely .
Might mention it to his sister next time I see her
Can't decide to confront him at the weekend about it ...or wait and try to get more info

OP posts:

Popchyk · 23/03/2018 09:59

Presumably your husband has raised a formal grievance with his manager and HR about this absolutely unacceptable behaviour from his colleague?

He must have done, surely.

TempusFugitive · 23/03/2018 10:00

Pre-emptive arse covering.
How likely is it that a colleague would put him or herself in the awkward position of voicing their suspicions to you??

bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 10:02

Can you call in on MIL and fish around? 'Oh H said he was thinking about staying here overnight - is everything okay?

I wouldn't confront him yet because there is a strong suggestion he is an accomplished liar.

StarlightSparkle · 23/03/2018 10:02

Bide your time and wait. Don’t confront him with no real evidence as he will deny everything and work harder to cover his tracks, plus he will blame it all on his colleague.

If it were me I’d call him Mum right now to find out if he was really there Monday.

RandomDreams · 23/03/2018 10:03

He's cheating and he's trying to cover his arse.

Gemini69 · 23/03/2018 10:04

Sorry lady... I agree with the others .. he's covering the bases.. I do hope I'm wrong

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