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Original poster

DH warning me about gossip at work

152 replies

winewellies · 23/03/2018 09:40

Bit of background .. DH works away , it used to be 4 nights a week and recently it has gone up to 5 nights and an occasional 'emergency' got to go in today ...
He has in the past suspected I am having an affair ( I'm not !) Posted on here about it.
We get on okay , both tired and stressed with work , kids and elderly parents etc.
He came home last week and said he needed to warn me that he'd had an argument with a guy at work who had been gossiping about him having an affair and that this bloke had threatened to contact me
I asked him if he was , why would someone think he was, who was the OW supposed to be etc etc ~ he said this bloke was annoyed that DH had been given a project over him , that because he doesn't go out with them after work and goes for a walk or visits his Mother (she lives where he works) that it looks dodgy and that there wasn't a particular woman named .
So now I am watching his every move ! Thinking he was trying to get in first so I would dismiss any contact from this bloke or was he being honest !? and its making an atmosphere
Just needed to vent really - don't know how to handle it

OP posts:
Original poster
winewellies · 23/03/2018 10:35

Hes an engineer and those have always been his hours I've seen the contract and sometimes he has to cover other sites, go on courses etc
He has lots of opportunity ...as do I really, I am self employed and could easily meet someone during the day , hence the need for trust....
I don't think he'd be able to lead a double life for long as he's a stresshead and if I made it easy for him to tell me , he would

OP posts:
3EyedRaven · 23/03/2018 10:36

He’s been spotted, and trying to get in there first.
I’d also be pressing him as to wheat HR said about the complaint he obviously made about this conniving colleague

Bumblesnout · 23/03/2018 10:36

Went through something similar with my ex who informed me one day that he'd heard a ridiculous rumour that he was having an affair with the landlady at the local pub. We laughed about it together as the landlady was about 40 years older than my us and she actively disliked my ex. He also kept accusing me of cheating on him. It later turned out that he was cheating on me with one of the barmaids and he'd made up the ridiculous rumour about him and the landlady to discredit any other rumours that I might hear about him. He needn't have gone to so much effort though because I'd clocked other weird behaviours and had already worked out who he was cheating on me with.

Why do you say that if he's cheating then it's because she The One? Or did I misunderstand what you'd written?

DearMrDilkington · 23/03/2018 10:36

I'd ring his mum too.

Original poster
winewellies · 23/03/2018 10:37

Mother In Law would cover for him until she knew the truth but would then rip him to shreds ....I think I'll pop down to see her in the school holidays (just need to think if a reason !)

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 23/03/2018 10:39

Yes it’s pretty obvious he’s cheating. It would be a good idea to start getting your finances and documents in order.

What a bastard.

bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 10:39

I think you're much more likely to get to the truth if you dropped in today and said 'Did H leave his watch here last Monday and watch her face. Don't mention the 'sleeping over' straight away.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2018 10:39

I don't think he'd be able to lead a double life for long

Yep. I thought that too Hmm

Doesn't your MiL want to see the kids? I'd pop in and surprise her!

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/03/2018 10:40

You don’t need to think of a reason - just say you need to talk to her.

bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 10:40

Just say you were visiting somewhere near her home and thought it made sense to call and pick it up.

OnionKnight · 23/03/2018 10:42

He's fucking someone else.

Original poster
winewellies · 23/03/2018 10:48

She'd be The One because (I've known him since school, we got together years later though) he'd gets infatuated when he is with someone , especially at first , it's all flowers and beating hearts etc etc , he'd leave me to show he was serious about her ...but I suppose she might be married too
Money wise , checked his payslips and the hours match up so far , won't know about last weeks til April's slip though .

OP posts:
Original poster
winewellies · 23/03/2018 10:50

Mother in Laws is a 140 mile round trip ...I am thinking that I'll call in when he would normally get there after work and see if he turns up

OP posts:
Popchyk · 23/03/2018 10:51

Might not be The One.

He could be visiting sex workers in his lunchtimes/after work.

NSEA · 23/03/2018 10:53

If I had had an argument at work and was accused of having an affair I would laigh and ignore. Not go home and warn my husband.

lalalalyra · 23/03/2018 10:54

And you don't need to act totally normally. If you need too you can act furious on his behalf if you want to mask behaving differently.

I'd be massively suspicious of him though, that screams getting in there first.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2018 10:55

I know we all hate generalisations of course, but it seems like a really unlikely thing for a male colleague to say anyway, don't you think?

Graphista · 23/03/2018 10:55

Firstly I'm struggling to think of ANY industry no women work in these days.

Secondly - I haven't even been on mn that long but if I had a £1 for every thread posted by a suspicious mner who said "he doesn't have time for an affair" "he couldn't have had chance to meet someone else" I'd have at least enough for a very nice meal out! My ex was shagging the ow in lunch breaks in empty offices/broom cupboards (classy eh)

Thirdly - he's already displayed at least 2 parts of the cheaters script - accuse you of cheating, claim IF you hear he's cheating that person is lying and has motive to.

I agree with playing the long game which is what I did. (I also "had" a lot of long periods, migraines and thrush in the meantime to avoid sleeping with him) it paid off. (In terms of me having enough evidence that despite his denials I knew I was right)

And now I read he's an engineer - I used to work with engineers definitely be very surprised if there are NO women he's in contact with through work, I'm a woman.

She may be "the one" as far as he's concerned - doesn't mean she feels the same.

Original poster
winewellies · 23/03/2018 10:57

Just text him about domestic stuff (as I would normally ) and mentioned I've got two voicemails from a mobile number that sound like two blokes talking ..but I can't hear it properly (in a chatty , isn't that weird? Kind of way ) see how he reacts to that

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 10:58

lalalyra is spot on. You could be so angry and upset on your husband's behalf that you're thinking about going into his workplace to talk to someone. Or maybe you've already rung and spoken to a manager....

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2018 11:02

The OW is always "The One" isn't she. The Big Love that nobody else understands

pigmcpigface · 23/03/2018 11:02

Oh I'm so, so sorry! This is awful for you. I am afraid it does sound like he is giving a justification of his wrongdoing ahead of a potential discovery. It doesn't really ring true in any other way.

You must be devastated. Flowers for you

AjasLipstick · 23/03/2018 11:10

Did you really get a voicemail or did you make that up? If you made it up, I'm impressed with your fiction skills!

PortBlacksandGinResidence · 23/03/2018 11:11

Is it possible it's not a woman?

AjasLipstick · 23/03/2018 11:13

Why would you think that Port?

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