Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

I'm obsessing about my NPc's WhatsApp NK
Also this morning on the way to work all I could think about was our first night together, as if it was yesterday.

I haven't moved on yet and frustrated with myself as it's way past deadline I set to myself..

anxious

Every.Single.Time you play happy clapper friends with an ex that mistreated you, you’re saying I love you more than I love myself and you didn’t actually treat me as badly as you know or I know you did, because if you did, there’s no way in hell I should be giving you the time of day let alone anything else.

Bloody that is helpful for me too, Thank you.

Yes the 'different face' thing is really hard. as even close friends and rellies dont 'see' it the way you do.

That and him just watching me with such a cold look on his face.

I dont owe him sex. But he thinks I do.

48 days since I saw DOM. 11 days since i sent b'day card. Progress!
Good night all. God bless. See you for coffee in the morning.x

Ah Teens it's so tough and it's hard to give deadlines in the matters of love. It really is, just take your time.

Great progress Basseting.

I'm making progress too. Two jobs applied for, all my ironing done and I stayed off SM for 4hrs. When I went back on he came into it within a few mins and I logged straight back off. Proud of myself.

Well done NK
Love to all of you. It all seems so complicated, you’ve all got various people in and out if your lives in such different ways. I often wonder why I just can’t be lucky and have something simple and straight-forward that doesn’t tie my heart in knots. Oh well

I typed a mammoth post replying and explaining about H but it has ghosted me.

NK honestly you always inspire me. You always further forward than back. You may have a teensy tiny backstep but then march forward with dignity. Good luck with jobs.

Basseting amazing 11 days especially with how hard those days have been with other issues.

Anon no completely random. Actually thought it was him. So did my son. Spooky.

I'll write what i intended on writing tomorrow.

Have a good day/night lovely ladies 😘

Morning Day 28 here. Though numbers don’t seem to matter anymore.

So OLD is turning out to be a good distraction. I’ve got a few dates requested, there are other men out there, one in particular is very keen and from the little information we’ve shared we seem to have a lot in common. It worries me how fickle I’m being, can I move on from NC so quickly, and so will he have by now too?

I’m also not the sort of girl to date multiple men or lead them on. Feel if it starts to get serious with any OLD person I need to tell NC and close the chapter on him. Listen to me - a few likes online and I’m already assuming it will go somewhere!

Morning all, day 1 of my mind self-control experiment! It worked very well yesterday evening and I'm getting that 'no' sign nicely visualised in my mind for use if thoughts / daydreams about NC pop into my head. And I made a list of the thoughts that underlie my behaviour (in a CBT sort of way) and started challenging whether there's any truth in them (very little). It's all very interesting and a fun new way to tackle my missteps

Have a good day everyone. Good luck to those of you trying to deal with husbands at various stages of separation

Day 42 here but have severely slipped back mentally due to too much talking about him with a friend yesterday , being told by her to "just forget him" etc etc and then more stalking on SM last night which has revealed more of his "family" life. Currently I am obsessed with getting revenge because I feel so unfairly treated by his lies and am wondering if this is what it will take for me to move on - to actually get to that nitty gritty point where he will no longer ever communicate with me again because I have dished the dirt .

bloody so sorry you're struggling. Can you ask your friends to stop you talking about him, so you don't keep reminding yourself about it all again? And start your sm detox again? You can do this it will just take a bit more time, it's still very early days for such an ordeal to fade. How about giving yourself until 60 days or 90 and check if you still want to go public?

Will I chase crumbs?

Morning all. Proudly checking in for Day 3. I hear what you're both saying Teens and Oldbrook I really do but my instincts are screaming at me to walk away. If he is interested he will follow and if not then that's it. I'm not expecting him to follow this time, hence me avoiding him online. I've had enough of his half measures and need people in my life that add some thing, not make me feel bad.

Anxious thanks so much you are always so kind. You tell us about your H when you are ready

Oh Ravens enjoy that lovely distraction. I think it sounds great. That kiss last week has been a great source of distraction to me this week.

Morning Belonger

Oh Bloody I don't blame you for being angry. Just vent on here for the time being until the rage has passed. Just remember he is a cheat and they have a crap family life. It's not perfect. He has tainted it forever. Feel pity for them not jealousy

I am not jealous NK but I am very angry as I feel that he has "got away" with it and his manipulations. I also think - "does he think I am an idiot" ? Does he think that I don't have the guts/I am a doormat /besotted with him /whatever it is to actually bust him ? Is he a cocky smug bastard or is he wondering "will she?" . I think that my decision is going to be based on how he is with me when I run into him next time. I need to lay this all to rest I know and i know that the best revenge is to go on and live a great life etc etc ...sorry am very self absorbed right now .

I know you are angry but he doesn't have a good life and his actions weren't good. He has betrayed his wife so his life can't be that shit hot. Honestly as a family unit they are more to be pitied. They really are

Bloody NK is right, he is he one to be pitied. I’ve been so close to telling my NCs partner about us but I think what would I actually be gaining from that? He’d be losing his life as he knows it, yes but I won’t acthally be gaining anything. Slightly different for me because I am also in a relationship.

Day 4 for me and feeling strong. I think counting the days will really help as I’m less likely to ‘just send one text’ (which never is just one text) because if I’ve got 15/20/30 whatever days under my belt I won’t want to lose that xx

I’m self-absorbed today too. Sorry
I’m just feeling so sad. The effort of dating and starting again is just so shit. When all I want is him. I honestly thought I’d struck gold, as did he. I look back at texts (Not often, I promise) but 3 weeks before he dumped me and they were lovely.

30 days now seems a long time. I’m going to wait till my (more self-help) books come on Monday and read them, then see how I feel

Looking forward to the cha-cha line oldbrook!

I'm feeling more positive today because the sun is actually shining this morning! Makes everything a little easier

nk good to follow your instinct. Sounds like you've reached your limit with his games.

Sorry you're feeling worn down with it all ravens. Big hugs to you.

anon that thought of 'just one text' is on my list of 'things I tell myself which are not true'! It's as unlikely as 'just one chocolate digestive' for me. Other things I automatically/semi-consciously think include 'I won't reply to his reply' (LIE), 'it's just a bit of fun' (LIE) and 'once more won't hurt' (LIE). I'm enjoying spelling out to myself the porky pies I tell myself!

Can we invite Natalie Lue to our cafe? Make her an honorary member? I've never listened to her podcasts before, just read the fab articles, but I listened to a couple of podcasts the other day and they were great. She speaks so naturally and confidently and just seems so damn wise!