Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Ravens can't believe that dating pic. What a knob. Think teens is right.

Belonger well done avoiding crumbs 👑

Rhubarb I wonder that too. Mine felt so intense from both sides then ended abruptly. I often wonder what would have happened if he didn't disappear. That sharp intensity couldn't really continue could it. We saw each other for short periods but daily or a few times in day. We didn't have to deal with any real life issues like chores or money.

The disappearing thing is so insensitive NK. They stir everything up then leave but it isn't fair. He isn't being fair to you or his gf. He really needs NC of his own away from gf etc to sort out not only what he wants but if he has the balls to grab it.
Not calling you an it though lovely.

Anxious how are you doing tonight?

My Mum always speaks positively about my brother and sister. She doesn't even have any nice baby/kid stories of me. All of them are about what a dreadful baby I was and what a bold, ungrateful child I was. I don't recall any nice stories from when I was young.

Anxious any more word from NC lookalike?

You're right he isn't being fair to his gf. He is being a shit to her.

NK that's dreadful. Did she have pnd with you? Do your brother and sister notice it? At least she supports your choice to leave H so I hope she is keeping any negative comments about that quiet. My friend's mum is similar. My friend is the strongest of her siblings. She longs for her Mum to offer support but thinks her Mum struggles to offer it as she doesn't feel needed. It's not a valid excuse at all though.
I am Ok, thanks. I regret sending TrueNC my little rant and wish i had just been casual hi but who knows whether that would have made a difference. I know i shouldn't have to cajole him into contact.

Ginger glad the results show no imbalances. Did anything get resolved when you met up? Don't beat yourself up about sleeping with him. It doesn't mean anything you have said is any less valid.

Anxious did you deliberately set out to find an NC lookalike? I keep thinking I want to find one.

Can anyone repost the link from earlier please?

Had my first counselling session tonight. Not sure what to make of it. She did help me look within but it’s quite a strange situation to be in and I sometimes felt I was giving the wrong answers or not saying enough :/ Maybe I need a few sessions to see how I go?

Anxious she had me at 20 and I'd say she did have PND. No my sister and brother don't notice it. She has long labelled me as an attention seeker so if I ever object to anything they all roll their eyes. She is a fantastic granny so that's one thing.

Ah what's done is done with TrueNC. Maybe it was good to get it off your chest.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-you-too-eager-for-the-fairy-tale-ending-the-returning-childhood-sweetheart-revisited/

Anxious is this the link you want?

Anonymous I had to have about 4 counselling sessions before I felt it was benefitting

Thanks NK, was me asking for the link.

Will persevere with the counselling xx

It's a really good article Anonymous

Good luck with the counselling. I've found it amazing

anxious he is a classic one face to the world and another in the house man. you can actually see his face change as he shuts the door sometimes. you'd never believe it, he seems so meek. but he is not a very nice man, no, certainly he is very bitter.

I'm going to experiment with strong arm tactics - whenever I find myself thinking about him, I'm going to bring this to mind

Some fantastic articles on that website! I had myself a real future faker x

It's tough love isn't it Anonymous? And to think I thought I was special when he said he regretted losing me. Turns out it was a classic line. Ha ha ha!

Nk I somehow think you should tell your NC you're separating and ask for temporary space.

Why can't you tell him? Are you scared he will then have a choice to be properly with you and won't have guts to leave his gf?

And it will leave you vulnerable and dependable on his decision?

I might be completely wrong in my assumption ofcourse and always mean well ((()))

Ah hello Teens how are you?

He knows I'm in an unhappy marriage and that I plan to leave at some stage. I was joking with him about Tinder a few weeks ago too. I he doesn't know I'm separated but he knows the other things. I feel it is too late for us now. I feel like a cliche.

NK - my OH is about to move out. I am in the same situation as you. I’m not telling NC as he will feel he has ‘won’ by still being in a relationship and me being single. I however, feel as though I have ‘won’ because I am one step closer to true happiness by not being with someone I don’t love. If he was to come to me in the future (near or far) and say he had left her it would be a different story. If he contacts me very soon I will not mention that my OH moved out xx

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/revisted-after-the-breakup-hold-tight-to-your-self-respect-stop-trying-to-be-friends-with-the-ex-that-mistreated-you/

I need to read this over and over and over .......

Oh Anonymous we are in such a similar situation. I also feel I've won. I was miserable for yours and now I will be free to do what I want. My H is everywhere in the house, he won't leave me alone. I can't get any space and I'm craving it.

How do you feel about your H leaving?

Lots of different emotions atm, relief but also anxiety about it. I am really concerned about telling my parents which is ridiculous but they aren’t going to be happy at all.

When is yours leaving? Is he being ok about it or annoyed? Does he know about NC? (Mine doesn’t). Are you or have you thought about dating in the future? Sorry if you’ve already said something about this and I’ve missed it.

I was terrified telling me people but honestly anyone I've told has been lovely to me.

We are waiting for mediation which is about another 3 months, then he'll go. He doesn't want to go, feels I never tried but honestly some of the aggression and disdain I've been shown in the past. I'm miserable.

Yes I've thought about dating. I'd be terrified but I'd get out there. Have you thought about it?

We are both winners. We are starting the new chapter of our news lives

anonymous no I didn't go in search of him. My friend set me up on tinder and he popped up there. He looked so much like NC in his pic that I actually thought it was him. My son did too. In my paranoia it crossed my mind at the time that he was using a different name to avoid me. But that was when i was really crazy upset. He even has a lot in common with NC. It was bound to get to an unhealthy attachment.
Don't worry about what you think you are meant to say to counsellor. You will hopefully get more comfortable and then what you need to in order to help. Hope your H moving out isn't too upsetting. You sound like you are on the right path.

belonger good luck strong arming yourself.

bloody I will read that, thank you. I really want to be friends with my NC too.

NK even worse that your siblings don't see it when even your H does. Your NC saying that you are lucky you are not with him, is him digging for you to compliment and reassure him.

Basseting hmm I call that the twisted face. I have seen it a lot too but a lot less lately. It makes it worse that they can be different. You carrying in owning that 👑 and look forward to hearing about the recent MF conversations when you have time and are in the mood.

Anxious how are things going with your H? Do you think you'll ever be able to leave?

Yes my NC was looking for a compliment and like a fool I fell for the bait. No more!