Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Very wise literary thank you.

Ravens - I would say remain NC but the thought of one last message has been with you since the beginning. If you are going to send it I would get it over with so you know. Good luck whatever you decide.

Tict I daydream about bumping into him and of course him apologising and everything is fine. I know he is honest irl so I took myself that if i just see him in person i could get to the bottom of everything. But then i think about seeing him with another woman. It's not going to happen as 99% he has moved away.

Is the cafe doing any Easter specials? We need to all have s coffee to see Seshi off on her hols

Looks like I’m back at Day 0 :(
At least I did it now and can now start again quicker than if I’d waited till Day 30. I’ll always hope he will get In touch and that’s always what NC will be about for me but I don’t think I can text again after this xx

Literary you are very wise!
I woke up this morning and didn't feel sad at all. I have a mental list of why he doesn't make me happy when I think about him. I've spent too much time pandering and sacrificed time looking after myself he is a twat

I'm not sure I'm wise, I just know I'm worth better and don't stand for any bullshit from men. Write out your list, it's a lot more powerful than a mental one. Also think about things in terms of what you have realistically lost and I bet the answer is pretty much nothing. I've lost someone to take me places and take me on holiday, someone to share my day with. Well, I can share my day with a friend and take myself on holiday and the bonus is I don't have to put up with any freight train on steroids snoring, any bad smells, bad attitudes or sulking so I win really.

Ravens my honest opinion is that if he wanted to get back with you he would have contacted you by now. I think he has moved on.

However I think you are tormented and maybe you do need to get final confirmation from him but be prepared for silence from him or an answer you don't want.

In my situation I won't be contacting my NC even if that means I never hear from him again. It's self protection in my case because I don't want to hear anything from him that might hurt me. I've made peace with no closure.

Fantastic posts Literary. So wise.

What happened Anonymous?

Yes Anxious if I could meet mine we'd have everything done and dusted within am hour.

He just made it clear he was still angry with me and wasn’t at all pleased to hear from me.

I’m so worried I end up alone forever xx

Sorry to hear that Anonymous. You be alone forever, you'll meet someone else

Anonymous why is he angry? Why would you be alone forever? Do you have children?

Positives of being single:

You don't have to consider someone else all the time (children aside I mean)
No snoring
No farting/nose picking/pubes on the bathroom floor etc
No pressure to have sex, you can please yourself, literally, whenever it suits you
No watching wheeler dealers or other such shite
Your evenings can be spent doing things that you want to do
No arguments over anything
Less laundry
Less money spent on food
More money to treat yourself
You don't have to shave your legs or bits unless you want to
You get the bed to yourself
No one to criticise anything
You can enjoy eye candy without feeling guilty
You can eat chocolate in bed and drink wine without feeling like a fat lush
No listening to football/cricket scores and pretending to give a shit
No clearing up their stuff
No one bringing me down with their negativity
No disappointments when they don't arrange dates/text/phone/whatever because knowing that they aren't going to isn't disappointment, it's freedom from that negativity
I can watch The Sound of Music if I want to without someone telling me they'd rather die

Keep it going, let's hear the positives in your life now you're single again

He’s angry because I make him angry. I do have children yes so I won’t be alone in that sense but in the sense of adult relationship I will be. I am going to read your list though. Thank you!

Love the list!

The only positive I’ve found in the short time since my OH moved out is being able to go straight home and cook dinner for the kids and I without thinking do I need to wait so we can all eat together or cook some freezer crap for them now so him and I can eat together later. I like that :)

hello all. quick hit and run post sorry....
have NOT sent card.
even better, I went for a walk today to the (very specific) location where he first kissed me (this time around). Instead of thinking of him, I thought of my kids, who were with me. We were part of a Christian group walking a pilgrimage and met new people and it was great.
Day 20?/55? how bloody good is that that I have to count back?

I ALSO LOVE THE POSITIVE LIST

@basseting hello lovely you are doing so well! That's a great list but there are still loads of things I miss about him. I just hope it will pass. @anxious I am taking all of you on holiday with me virtually...!! It will be the Portuguese franchise of the cafe x

Hello Seshi
loads of things I miss too - I understand, my lovely.x
I just rewatched the Christmas tv episode that reminded me of him SO MUCH that had me in tears on Xmas Day. This time i didnt cry, but I dont think I will ever watch it and feel unbothered.

It seems quieter on here? is everyone busy doing Easter stuff or are you all on Whatsapp now?

I like the idea of thinking if what you’ve lost. My NC promised so much - first class flights, the opera in Milan. But he worked so hard and never had time for me I was lucky if I’d get a drink with him once a fortnight! So I haven’t lost that because it was never going to happen!

You really are doing amazing Basseting

Basset. I'm here. I'm on my own all Easter weekend and I was supposed to be with him. He is at the cottage we were supposed to be going to. I feel low. My ds is with his dad all weekend too.
It's giving me breathing space if nothing else. I feel all hope is gone. I know he's gone.

Tictac that really sucks. Can you take yourself off somewhere for the day or even overnight? Maybe get to the coast and blow those cobwebs out?

Ive been to see Peter Rabbit at the local very retro cinema today and my youngest threw up everywhere when we got back. He was sick two nights ago but thought he was ok as seemed fine, playing as normal. But no. My middle child was off all week from school with the same bug although was only sick on Monday. It just wiped her out. Just waiting for the eldest to get it now! A joyous Easter!

I feel a little sad tonight actually. Thinking back to meeting his lovely mum and dad, and his aunties on holiday. Thinking of all the nice things. However they were soon a fond memory as the real him began to come out of his shell. He's not a bad person, he's just a spineless wanker with so many issues he needs his own library.

Hi Lovely Ladies. Have been off MN for a while but have just caught up and enjoyed reading your ‘life stories’. I’m sorry Seshi that your night out ended as it did. I hope you get your equilibrium back to enjoy your holiday.

Well I’ve been dumped again so the roller coaster continues for me. This time it feels permanent. He basically reeled me in again, arranged to meet me, got pissed off with me for calling him out on some bad behaviour, cancelled our meeting because ‘what we’re doing is wrong’ when in fact I just think he was sulking and is now pretty much blanking me. Knows I’m distraught and is acting like he couldn’t give a stuff. Claims he still has deep feelings for me but can’t continue. I don’t see any evidence of any love or care for me since he’s basically just shut me down and cut me off. I feel broken. Yet again. I hate my life without him in it but I can’t keep allowing him to control me and my emotions like this. Feel so angry, disempowered. He’s right, what we’re doing is wrong and should end but I’d really like to be a party to that decision and have it end in a way that I can feel comfortable with. As it is I will see him at work next week and I don’t know if I’m going to crumble into a crying mess or want to physically hurt him when he looks at me with pity in his eyes (we’ve been here many times before and I know the drill).

Sorry to come on and vent again and not offer much in return. I obviously can’t discuss this with anyone irl and just needed to get this out

Hi. My first post here. I am trying to go NC with someone I've been seeing on and off for 8 months. We've been more or less NC (but as you all know it's very hard to do it totally and very painful) for the last month, a mutual agreement for lots of reasons.

I have so many feelings for him but never was quite sure how he felt in return as neither of us never really spoke about how we felt as we assumed a proper relationship wouldn't be possible. I received the following message from him that I don't quite understand the reason for sending it, as he could have just not sent it at all? I had sent a reasonably chatty message a few days ago and this was seemingly the reply, he could easily have ignored my message and not replied. Yes I am over thinking it all!

"Please forgive me for being so distant right now. Selfishly it's what I need to do to move forward and concentrate on sorting myself out .I wish nothing but happiness for you in life and please never forget that."

@mrs welcome back and sorry to hear that you have been messed about again. He's been very cruel.. Hopefully we can give you some support and a place to vent....@ridiculous sorry to hear that you are hurting... But you have definitely come to the right place....