Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

@ravens echo what @Bloody said please be careful about contact. I can't stress enough how destructive it has been for me.... Having the hope snatched away that had been building up over the last few weeks is actually worse than the initial break up

seshi you are now facing the reality that this has no legs . You don't think so now but this is for the best . You deserve so much better than someone who cannot bring an equal contribution to a relationship. Start counting and make that darn list - put everything on it !

I might share my list with you to get you thinking about your own lists. I was amazed at how miserable he was actually making me. In January I made a list of all his good and bad points but despite there being loads of good points I couldn't shift the feeling in my gut.

Rhubarb yes flat and numb is the only way to describe it. I haven't slept with my NC in over 17yrs so I think a few of us in the same position.

Anxious In a way if he doesn't contact it is better because he has a gf and we aren't proper friends. We are just in this limbo world. We'll see if he messages on Sat for the blue moon. If he does he's defo a werewolf!!!

Seshi and Ravens definitely a good idea to make a start on the list. It will really help you

User not sure re: Easter. Can I ask you guys opinion on something. My husband is bringing the kids to visit his parents for Easter. He hasn't told them about us separating and as mediation is 12 weeks away I suppose doesn't need to yet. He wants one last Easter with me and the kids. I've said that I wouldn't go but him and the kids really do want me there. Not sure what to do. I don't like the idea of being home alone for 4 nights either.

Hi literary, tictac, Belonger, Bloody etc Morning

Morning back to you NC. Just joined the thread so don't know people's stories yet.

The set back can indeed be brutal.
Before my last (minor but I've had lots and this one was a GA) Op I was wobbly. DOM genuinely doesnt have money to travel. I was all 'if i dont make it i want you to come to the funeral (didnt say this but we will both have known this was what was going through my head after i had a standard minor Op go very wrong 2 yrs ago). So I sent him the cash to travel if need be. He didnt need to as I am still here. He thinks I am a dramallama and he hates any attention not on him, esp medical. But he didtn even text to see if i was ok or respond to my text to say i was. Now I am waiting on dates for a much bigger OP but I dont think I can tell him, to have him behave that way again. when i came round last time i thought of my kids. then him. i doubt he has thought of me once, other than 'investing effort to move on'

that is enough of a 'list' for me. I am not sending the Easter card.
But it is still stupidly stupidly stupidly hard.

Now I@ve spat that out...

GOOD MORNING ALL!

wont be around so much next two weeks (school hols) but will get on when I can.x

OldBrook Yes. He had told me about his Father passing and he had not had the money to bury him properly (so the body had gone to medical science) and he'd sobbed about not having the money to come to my funeral (true enough). so i sent it, saying 'hopefully you wont need this (!) but hold onto it in case you need it in the future as more surgery in pipeline'. So in a way i guess he was doing what i'd said. and i know it will have embarased him. and he'll feel 'pressured'. But to not send a 'good' reply when i said i'd come through the GA nad was on the mend was callous, imo. And if I see him now he'll prob give me the money back. If i die before him i'd like him to be there so i want him to keep it. Despite everything i have loved him for nearly 30 yrs and I always will.

I like your idea of 3rd party story. I am doing that in my book. x.x.x.

@ravens what ever you decide we are all here to help you get through xxx

How the hell do you cope when you see a pic of him all cosy with someone else???? I feel like my heart has just been stabbed, I feel like I can't breath. I just want to crawl into bed for the rest of the day

Its that's why you don't look at social media. You're just rubbing your own nose in it otherwise. Blocking is great if you can't stop looking at his profile or whatever. It takes a lot of self control I guess but what's the point of looking for things to hurt yourself?

I think I’m just sad now in a self-pitying way. Being a single mum is so hard. I have a cleaner and au pair but they do the bare minimum. There’s no-one to help at home. Just the little things like changing a light bulb, taking the car into service, calling a builder. It’s all on me. When kids are with ExH I get some time, but the chores don’t go away. My NC wasn’t that helpful here but at least he understood. None of my friends are single parents. I have no-one who cares just to discuss things with. My family are great, but have their own lives too.

Sorry, nothing to do with NC but maybe why this is hard.

literary I don't even know why I had the urge to do it. And it was her sm I saw it on, he NEVER posts anything when he's out he says as he says he just likes to have a good time. The girl is gorgeous as well which makes me feel even worse

Just don't look at stuff! Delete the app off your phone and concentrate on scoffing chocolate and going on long walks over Easter.

I've posted about one of my ex's less than endearing traits on AIBU. I find it very therapeutic to hear from others that his behaviour was totally unreasonable and I feel good knowing that I was right in ending it. I recommend it along with your list especially if you are still unsure about whether or not the problem was you or them

OldBrook that is awesome THANK YOU so much!

I'd add this...

Girl meets older privileged Man who promises to mentor her but ends up screwing her.. Man breaks her heart as married. Man leaves wife but girl has gone to Uni / to live her life. For various reasons she has a tough time. Many years pass. They both miss each other badly. Girl bravely contacts Man (by now she is 1. disabled, 2. her marriage has failed, 3. she is broke and struggling. So it turns out is he - not 1. but 2. and 3.). Man says 'you are Love of my LIfe, let me help your children, let me love you/marry you etc'. Girl knows he cant do these things in reality but the fact he wants to and believes in her makes her feel happy like she hasnt for 25 years, since they were last together.
Man loses hope/courage and ghosts her. Girls heart breaks again.

Girl receives support from Crowned Warriors.

Girl wafts past Man(after surgery and crutches all gone now) slimmer and fitter while wearing a stunning outfit and he clutches his heart and falls to the ground thinking what have I done? She forgives him but walks into a happy future for herself, regardless of him. The End.

Love it Basseting