Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Yes. It was a shock to see. He denies.
I will move on. It was only 7 weeks.. crazy as feels just as bad when splitting with xh of 13 years. No idea why. Any ideas?
I feel like I'm in love with him. Is that even possible so early?

Almost done day 13. Dragged myself through today. But I know from experience that it passes.
How did your day 9 go nk? I haven’t even slept with my nc, so have no idea why all of this has had such an impact. It must be hormones.
tic lustful feelings can be so strong they feel like love I think.

Day 17 for me. I was boozing last night and wasn't tempted to contact him. I'm impressed by that, I'm impressed by the dignity I've shown this time.

So a pat on the back for me & a keep on keeping on for you all

basseting Good for you - you sound so strong today . I know we get up and down ( even within one day ) but good for you , girl x

belonger glad you are feeling somewhat better x

Hallo to everyone else - sending you strength .

If it is any help at nearly Day 50 I am beginning to feel that the ties with me and NC are loosening and that's while still living in proximity to him ( same town ) I haven seen him out and about though . I suspect he is laying low too .

Rhubarb I'm Day 10 now. Can't wait to get to Day 11. How are you?

Soso I've somehow trained myself not to go near SM when I've been drinking. I drunk dialled him in Dec and although he thought it was hilarious I was mortified!

I’m ok nk. Miss him, hate him, don’t care about him, lust him. All the emotions.
But I think I feel better than how I used to feel. Same emotions there just not as intense or upsetting.
14 days tomorrow. Then aiming for 3 weeks.
How are you feeling?

My nc has been posting more on sm. most days. Nothing of anything in particular. I’ve just noticed it. Wonder why?

Rhubarb I feel numb about him. Not sure if we will have contact again. Not sure he can come back from going AWOL. 14 days is brilliant.

Mine is online an awful lot too. Who knows why!!!

Hi, please can I join you?

Course you can! Why do you need to go NC?

I think numb is a good word. A bit flat really.

I've been on before under a different name and did post but left for a while. Just wanted to catch up with you all. Not seen mine for nearly 5 weeks now I think.

We were supposed to be going away in April as friends on a trip that was booked months ago but I'd decided a couple of weeks ago that I was going on my own with DC. I just hadn't told him and as we'd not been in touch I didn't see the point.

Anyway due to a wave of nostalgia I messaged him last Saturday that I missed him. He read it, ignored it and logged off so I asked why he was ignoring me and I got a load of grief accusing me of bickering and only messaging him to criticise. I was very quickly reminded of why I'd dumped him and told him he wouldn't be coming with me. He said he'd prefer to move on now as me contacting his ex wife (who I had been in contact with during the relationship) to say goodbye to the children because he wouldn't even tell them we'd split, was the last straw. Last straw? I dumped you you fucktard! 3 weeks ago! So I told him exactly what I thought and blocked him. I also told the ex-wife that I was totally on her side with her stance on their kids, didn't believe what he'd told me about her, wished her good luck with him then blocked her too. Felt so much better for that! I was so angry he'd told people we weren't seeing each other any more because of our 'circumstances' He neglected to say I'd dumped his ass.

I rejoined the dating site I'd met him on and reported him for the emotional abuse during the relationship and they've banned him from the site now. That felt good. Don't want anyone else going through that.

Last night I wrote out a list of all his bad points. I was shocked at how many there were and the fact I could hardly think of any good ones. Things changed at Christmas for me and I mentally started withdrawing from him. Still hurts though. But generally I just don't care.

In the past I have tended to act on my nostalgia and stay in contact with men who don't deserve my time or attention but this guy is proving so much easier to not contact. I'm just not interested because I know he's a fucktard and I know I deserve much much better than he could ever give me.

Onwards and upwards!

That’s a great update literarydevil good for you! I remember your previous post, glad you’re still going on the trip on your own.

You sound strong and determined. A good reminder of why NC is good, and it’s not worth breaking it!

I urge everyone to write a list of bad points. Put good ones on there too if you like but the visual list (instead of it being mentally stored) is s great tool. Mine made me wonder what the he'll I'd seen in him but of course they aren't like that to start with are they! I divided it into Habits, Personality, Personal hygiene/appearance and Miscellaneous. There were 60 things. 60!!! Most of them apparent from
Around Christmas tIme. Quite a few before but they weren't as annoying then as he still had god points. Once the good points are gone or you see them as the manipulative traits that they actually are instead of actual good points. Like being generous financially on some things was just an excuse to criticise my spending and make out I needed him to provide for me and show me the error of my ways.

Literary I remember you posting too. Thanks for the update. Sounds really positive. Well done on blocking too.

Soso glad you managed to go out and have fun and not drunk text etc. A lot of my slip ups have been late at night after a drink.

Tic I think a lot of us are in our NC situation the next love/lust after splitting with H's. Not sure why but it seems common.

Rhubarb well done on day 13. There are a few here who haven't slept with their NC. Doesn't make the feelings any less.

Do you think numb is good progress? Hopefully it is a step to indifferent.

NK I do think you will hear from yours again. Just not yet. Maybe on 31st blue moon or once he realises you aren't going to contact him.

I’m going to start my list now! I think it does help the rose tinted glasses come off!

Hi NK Anxious Basseting Belanger RAvens Rhubarb Literary and everyone!
Oldbrook You OK? did you get my PM?
Whats everyone's plans for easter? aside from NC?

Oh and a list of bad points is a great idea- I have a list of bad memories I go to when I feel weak. Not healthy I guess but stops me from contacting NC.

I am going to start my list today. I am sick of this constant sick feeling in my tummy..
Time to try and move forward

The list is definitely the way to go . When you feel yourself getting sentimental and remembering good times, READ THE LIST .

Day 50 for me and as I said I feel there is a huge gap between us now which we could not cross probably . Do I still miss him ? Yes but I miss the image of him that I had in my brain , the man that he really wasn't, the fantasy that I had woven around him not the lying cheating person that he actually was who caused me so much pain and at times deliberately.

Day 35 NC today. 5 weeks - it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and I’m not off it yet. I have moments of happiness where I know I will be alright, anger at NC, deep sadness, but much of that is self-pity. Him and our relationship seems as if it happened to someone else in a way.

Your last sentence Ravens I understand that and that is actually a good thing . It is part of the recovery . I would say think carefully before you initiate any contact , having now read this .

Well done ravens.
Day 14 today for me. Next target is 3 weeks.
Do you think 30 days is the golden time to get to? Surely if we’re in a better place then, then our nc will be too? Or is male psychology different?

Morning all. I slept better last night.
I'm starting to feel anger now. I'm also feeling a fool. I was taken in by him. I have an Easter trip planned with my son so looking forward to that.
He had paid for a weekend away together this weekend so I'm child free and now on my own. I actually wonder if he has someone else he is taking away with him now. Need to think of something to do to keep me from thinking about it.