Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

@basseting @nk @belonger... I know it's ridiculous and I have no idea how my self worth is so low. I was married to a narcissist who emotionally abused me for ten years... My NC is also a narcissist. Its like I said its an addiction. I am so physically attracted to him it hurts more than anything and I hate myself for it...

I have just walked in the door from the gym... Forced myself to go... But will settle down and catch up with you all in an hour or so.

Ten years of emotional abuse is more than enough to destroy your self esteem, no wonder you were vulnerable to more of the same. Don't throw away another ten years lovely seshi! See you soon

it may be 'ridiculous' that you have been so ill used Seshi but know that you are not ridiculous. And yes 10 yrs of narcissist is not easily overcome. YOu will though. You are. We are with you lovely lady.x

Well NC contacted me, we got chatting and then he rang me up and asked me to be his girlfriend. Being weak I said yes but he's on probation at the moment. And he's saying and doing all the right things at the moment so fingers crossed.

@my that's great news for you... See hopefully there can be a happy ending. Will keep my fingers crossed. @oldbrook I also thought that after being NC it would be easier to bounce back... But look its still very raw.... Maybe its because you know that deep down now you need to move on. So many people have said to me that I need to face the grief full on... Crying is good... Even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. Its part of the process.
....

I am aware that I have major issues around rejection, emotional abuse etc... I sometimes think I am only attracted to dysfunctional idiots.... I am seriously thinking about going back into therapy..
.. I am in denial that I can't have him..
I know. I can only hope that soon I wake up and snap out of this place...

I wish I had never ever broken my NC period

Aw Mygast how lovely. I'm delighted for you.

Thepartinglass
My recent NC was completely unexpected meeting. The one from a few years ago, id say it's just time that got me over it. Some parts of it im still not over. I need to have counselling.i haven't wavered today and I'm feeling a bit better. I just feel low but the anxiety has settled

mygast we need more details!!! Had you been NC long, how did you leave it with him? Is this a good thing (is he available?)
Looking for hope NC may work to get them back

Belonger hope your tummy settles
Oldbrook well done for blocking. As well as helping you to not message or stalk his ego really needs that knock
Basseting really well done not sending card. Yes you can always pray for him. MF's flowers are thoughtful. As usual it would be so.good if we could take parts of the different men and mould our own special one.
NK I am so angry for you at your Mum and H. How dare she give him that fuel too.
Mygast that is lovely news
Seshi bless you lovely. I'm sorry that after 10 years you find another one not worthy.

I have been stalking and obsessing tonight. Double messaged lookalike, was thinking of messaging Truenc and was even annoyed at an Old for not replying when i hadn't replied for 3 days.. then realised it is wrong time of month. Will try to remember this next month and basically not message any men in that time.

Ravens if the books are helping then that is great. Whatever it takes to help you. Are there any you would recommend?

Bloody I just read on another thread about filling a void with a potential partner. If fwb etc then not so bad but you are still healing so take some time.
Itsa how are you?

.

Hi all! sorry not been here for a while - just catching up . . . seshi hope you are OK? Mygast Thats great hope it works out!
Oldbrook good on you for blocking. How are you?

oldbrook early days and you will regain your equilibrium ! It's a temporary blip and a re assessment on where you are/how you feel .

seshi don't entertain this guy any more - he is a leech and draining you of life and positive feelings !!

ravens Like the fact that you ask " is this a good thing ?" ...was beginning to think it was just me .....

Day 49 for me - it's still up and down for me ( we all know how it goes) . I am trying to wean myself off him ...it crosses my mind at times to message him as the "friends' offer was left with me but that's not going to work for me - it lets him have all the control of knowing what is going on in my life when he has no right to . He lied to me from Day 1 because he saw something that he wanted and then he bailed when it started to get too difficult .

Day 34 NC - still no contact either way.

Work is quite hard at the moment and I cried in front of a secretary, who I don’t even know very well. She was lovely and told me she’s read every book and is a relationship counsellor. I’ve set up coffee on Thursday for a free session.

After that I’m either going to message him or wait for his birthday which is in about a fortnight.

I can get angry with him so will focus on that so if he doesn’t reply I can not care so much. I’ve also looked at what went wrong, and it’s amazing how I replayed all the same behaviours as from my failed marriage. I’m wondering if I can have a functional relationship (bit harsh on myself there - I’ve done 20 yrs and 1.5 yrs). But if I ever get another chance I know what I need from him and from me and if we ever have a conversation and he can’t offer me that I will try to accept it. Sorry for the long post.

oldbrook well done, sounds like you’ve taken an adult approach there.
seshi I could shake you - he’s using you, no socks!
NK anxious belonger basseting bloody and everyone else thinking of you all

Checking in for NC:
Day 18 since i sent birthday card.
Day 28 since any other message.
Day 53 since saw/spoke.

I miss him (or the him that he pretended to be for the first 6m)
But I will get through it. Better that than the high/low cycle.

Day 10 here. Always find Day 10 hard.

Good morning everyone

Waves at OldBrook NK Belonger Seshi anxious Ravens and all of us.

There is a thread running atm: 'what is the bravest thing you've ever done'. I was going to name change and post something v identifying but decided not to. There are some dramatic posts. But hten I also thought sometimes the 'bravest' time is simply getting through a day/eve/wkend without contacting the person you love as you know it is better for the person you should love more ie yourself, but that is the hardest thing of all somehow?

Morning all

Hi user how are things with you?

Bloody well done on day 49. Friends Don't lie about such huge things. Stay strong.

Ravens well done on day 34. I hope the lunch helps. It was nice of her to offer. Birthdays etc really cause problems don't they. You don't want to ignore them but also pin so much on the planned contact

Basseting amazing day 18/28. You are sounding so much stronger and aware of what you deserve

NK well done on day 10. Keep posting today to help you through.

Oldbrook glad you feel liberated. It does sound like you have both been really hurt by this. Do you think the mutual friends have ever caught on?

Hope everyone else is well too. It is grey and raining here which always makes it harder so going to do some exercise to help

I broke the no contact ..
I saw him on the dating site we met on and it felt I'd been stabbed. He says he can't get photos of there but he has changed his username too. Wish he'd just been honest

Oh dear tictactic nevermind, but even more reason to try NC.