Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Waves to Seshi (how are you today, lovely?) itsa NK ravens rhubarb and sorry for those I've left out.

I am struggling not to send DOM a card re Easter. We are both Christians. I sent one last year. I want to wish him Peace.
I am pleased with self that i've not gone racing down.
But I'm struggling with the card thing.
I think I want to show (myself?) that I am a person who can wish peace after all he has done to me (I have let him do).
Maybe I should send myself a card instead?

Well done Oldbrook you are amazing. As the others said be sad for today but tomorrow you can concentrate on a lovely future with your H. I'd give my right arm to have a H I still found attractive and who treated me right.

Well done oldbrook. Bravery and dignity. Good for you.

I hope you are hanging in there nk a very hard time in life for you.

Basseting I don't think you should send the Easter card but can see why you would want to. Send one to yourself or another old friend (with no romantic complications) instead!

Basseting you not sending the card might say more than you sending it.

Thanks everyone. Is it normal to feel weepy all the time (Not about NC although I'm sure it doesn't help)

oldbrook well done on the blocking him . They want to be in the know about your life and be in control even although they have no right to be . Bin him .

NK I am struggling a little bit as I had an OLD disaster yesterday - don't think I am ready for it . I can't explain on here in public fully what NC was to me but think I just need to stop the OLD for now. It's really not helping in distracting me and in fact I would say it is pushing me towards NC in a weird way ..making me feel "better" about him , that he wasn't "that bad" etc etc and that is NOT the way to go ! When I read about some of the other NCs on here I also think that NC wasn't that "bad" - he was just a cheat and a liar

Definitely send yourself a lovely card basseting. You can wish him peace, just do it between yourself and God.

Oh no Bloody sorry to hear about OLD. Maybe you're not ready as you've said. I definitely wouldn't be ready for it.

I just feel so guilty at breaking up my marriage even though things haven't been right for years and when I'm not getting the backing of my family it's very hard. I feel like crying all the time. I'd never wish anyone to go through this and I wouldn't do it lightly. It's taken me 6yrs to pluck up the courage I just wish I was out the other end.

I see what you're saying Bloody about justifying that your NC wasn't as bad as others. Mine wasn't either. He was full of compliments and was good fun. But at the same time he has been through separation and knows how hard it is and yet still bulldozed into my life when I was vulnerable. I know he doesn't know I'm officially separated but he still came into my life when he knew I was unhappily married. It sucks

I know how difficult it is to have difficulties with your mother. Sometimes you just have to accept that it will never change then it is easier . NK

You sound like you are a "pleaser " like me but you need to think of yourself now . It is shit but you will get there eventually. It's a long haul though I know. Yes my NC adored me - we had laughs, amazing sex and he boosted me no end at the time - but he also knew that I was vulnerable coming to end of divorce and he lied to me from Day 1 which is unforgivable . Lying is second nature to him.

Sometimes the tears just have to come NK. It can actually make you feel better somewhat .

Thanks Bloody yes I'm a total pleaser and it gets me nowhere. My sister does what she wants when she wants and is worshipped.

Ah Oldbrook in fairness you've had your own crap to deal with today

I had that extreme rage last week Oldbrook. It really fueled me for about a week and now I just feel flat and sad. I've way more going on as well as that though too. How are things with your H?

You're awesome already oldbrook!

@nk it was but we have managed to move forward so there is hope. Its very sad though. How are you doing with @nc

How's all the other lovely ladies? Today at work is dragging.... I really just want to be on holiday now x

@oldbrook the anger is so positive!!!!

Oh Seshi I'd say you're dying to get away. I'd love some Sun!

I'm feeling sad about NC but how could he deliver everything that I wanted. I think I had built him up to be some knight in shining armour that was going to rescue me from this situation. I can only really rescue myself.

@nk come with us!! @basseting I am better than yesterday but still feeling rubbish. I got a message from him this morning first thing asking me where he could get the socks from that I bought him for Christmas! I could not believe it so ignored it but then finally crumbled and asked him what he wants... Was it an attempt to be friends or is he just incapable of buying his own fucking socks!! He came back saying that he wants to be mate's... So I asked him if that was because he doesn't want a relationship does not fancy me or if he has someone else? He said there is no one else. I said fine of he wanted to be mate's then why didn't he just say and that I still want to see him as friends.... God what is wrong with me.... I am just addicted!!! But the thought of not seeing him is just too awful. Someone shoot me

Oh Seshi I wouldn't be able to resist replying to a message either so I'm no one to advise either. Hope you're okay it's tough

Seshi He asked you where to get socks?
Does he know you've been upset?
If so he is a Wankbadger!!!

i'm not going to send him the card you know.
When we first got back in touch i referred to my kids Baptisms and he scoffed a bit then straightened his face about it. I was .
I think his faith is all about going to (fancy Church in London). i cannot often get to Church / the denomination I want but I talk to God all the time. ALL the time. I will wish him Peace and Faith that way I think.

Well done Basseting. I know that's a huge step for you

seshi if he left you crying in the street and then asked you about socks, he's basically a shit. I don't want to shoot you at all, but I do want you to really try and look at what's going on for you - this must be a bigger issue than just this one guy. Why do you feel so crap about yourself that you will put up with this? Have you been in abusive relationships before? Because this is abusive I'm afraid, and you're accepting it, and that makes me worried for you.
Meant with kindness and concern, absolutely not judgement my lovely.

basseting you are doing so fabulously, I want some of what you're drinking! I hope you have a peaceful Easter too, I know what a significant and deeply meaningful season it is for many people, although I'm not a Christian myself.