Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Welcome Same.

Welcome new people. You’ve come to the right place.
Day 11 for me. Making myself accountable by checking in. Doing ok. Not great. But ok is good for the moment. Definitely losing the instinct to message him. I’ve done 30+ days before. But this is my longest in a while and don’t want to undo the work I’ve done.
But still stuck in the ‘what is he thinking?’

I'm stuck in the 'what is he thinking' too Rhubarb. It's tough. Well done on Day 11. Do you think your guy will contact you?

I’m not sure nk. It feels a bit different this time. The 30 days plus before was when he was away. And we agreed to not be in touch (or he did!).
This is the second longest time after that with no fall out. It’s passed what is def a normal gap. I think he might be leaving me alone. But a little bit of me doesn’t care either. I’ve walked away so screw him. He’s not all that and he’s never made me feel that special beyond words, which count for nothing really. I could talk myself into being angry, but there’s no point And I’ve done that before. My ego wants him to miss me though
How about you nk what do you see happening with yours?

And the more days that pass the more my middle finger is stuck up at him
Tomorrow will be easy as I’m busy and then if I make it to the weekend it’s easter and I’ll have done 17 days and will be well in the way to 30.

Waves to all the brave and determined Crown wearing Warriors on here.

16 days since bday card. 52 days since seeing/speaking.

I deserve more than he could offer. We all do.
I agree that 'not everybody is for everybody' - that is a great quote.
But there is a way of saying so, kindly, calmly, consistently.
The reason many of us have struggled so much is that we have been led right up the garden path, and then some.

We are walking back down that path, onto another street, without the holes in the sidewalk. Stopping at the cafe for support and companionship.

We are warriors aren't we? I like that very much.

I feel the exact same as you Rhubarb. I think it's different this time as I called him up for going AWOL and then he said he'd gotten deep and went AWOL again. There is no real comeback from that. I've walked away too and need to learn to deal with things on my own. I'm busy this week but will have so much time on my hands as my H is taking the kids to visit his parents and I am not going.

rhubarb you're doing so well, keep going

What a fabulous post Basseting and lovely to see you saying that you deserve more. And I agree I feel most of us wouldnt be here if we hadn't been led on in some way.

Are you looking forward to having some time free from H nk?

Belonger
I think we are female warriors, rather than male ones, yes.
ie not aggressive but strong and prepared to fight if needed.
and we get back up each time we are knocked down.
also what we are 'fighting for' is a better way of being
more constructive more harmonious more positive

(not just war for the sake of it, a la much of male dominated history. gets off soap box!)

Yes Belonger I am looking forward to having time away from H but have no plans so hope I'm not too lonely.

Well it was Belongers brill post that made me think...
I often find stuff posted on here filters away in my brain for a bit :)
Maybe he was an arsehole, maybe he was mixed up and sad too,but either way, I deserve more. We ALL deserve honesty, respect, kindness.

How re you today, NK? x

Hi everyone and welcome new people... Sorry that you are in situations that have brought you here but you are in the right place. These ladies are a life line. Back from work... Could murder a drink but dare not. Not sure how I got through today. Cried at work but people were kind. Funny I remember a month ago I was feeling very warrior like... But not at the moment x still in shock and can't quite bring myself to believe that I can't or won't see him again... X I keep reading the lovely quotes and get some comfort in the fact that we are all feeling similar x

Can you make some plans with friends, or is everyone busy?

Seshi ((()))
sorry you are having a tough time.
Imagine you are standing feeling teary and vulnerable.
I've got my chestplate and spear on today. So have a few others.
We will stand round you in a circle and keep you secure.
Tomorrow I might drop my armour but you might have yours.
Then you will do it for me.
It is not HIM. But is is something. We love you. You are amazing.x

This is uncannily like me. Could be my twin

Everyone is busy or away. My sister invited me to hers on Saturday but don't want to see my Mum. My Mum said I'd best get used to feeling 'lonely and alone' so I guess I'll be testing it out this weekend. Could view as a positive to go shopping, sort out my filing and get applying for more jobs.

Your mum is a real ray of sunshine isn't she? Alone doesn't have to mean lonely, of course, solitude can be wonderful. But I understand it might feel a bit daunting with everything on your plate at the moment

@basseting you keep making me cry 😂thank you so much x I am going to have a long bath and watch some TV with my DS... It has to get better I know x

THanks everyone. Struggling a bit as it’s my birthday today. And I found he’s off of holidays with his girlfriend
Wasn’t the nicest thing to hear.
So glad there are supportive people like you all out there
I’ve blocked him on everything, been thinking how manipulated I’ve been, him going off but still trying to keep me in his life.
If he doesn’t want me, then he can’t have me as his back up friend
I’m going out with my real friends tonight and will try to forget all about him

Nice one same, and happy birthday! Really good to block him on everything, the best way to put him behind you and move on.

@same happy birthday x

Happy Birthday Same

Oh a real ray of sunshine Belonger. She is pretending to be supportive but secretly disapproves and is saying stuff like I'm spoilt because H is a hands on Dad etc etc.