Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Morning all. Day 8 here and am feeling meh. Reality has set in that I can only rely on myself to get through these challenging times. I know it's the way it has to be but I just feel yuck. H never had my back properly anyway but it still feels rotten

Thanks Belonger for the quotes. Very timely for me this morning. I'm not tempted to message and definitely won't but just feel flat.

Olsbrook you see him adding fit young things. I see a tragic 42yr old who doesn't have the emotional maturity to have a relationship with a woman of the same age. He missed the boat in his mid 20s to 30s and now is hankering after something that doesn't exist.

Oh sorry I thought he was 42!!!

And you're not the saddo. He 100% led you on so he is the saddo!

Good idea.

And I don't know when it ends. I knew sadness would come after my anger but it's really whalloped me today. And then I wonder does he miss me too.

He really did lead you on oldbrook, and you're still getting over him, that's all it is. Unrequited love is very painful, and takes a long time to get over. I'm really finding it helpful to just say 'stop' to myself if I start to think about it all again - the ruminating is like an addiction in itself and there are no new facts! So I'm trying to change my habit of daydreaming.

Maybe just let yourself be hurt, acknowledge that it's painful still, but there are no new facts so don't start ruminating?

Being tired makes it all so much more difficult! Hope you sleep well oldbrook, and take care of your heart because it's still bruised

I feel like I led on and used for an ego boost. Although he did reveal stuff it was more of how he messed up in the past than any future stuff.

I led myself on really, let myself get attached to someone who had nothing much to offer. I projected a load of stuff onto him.

Thank you for the quotes and tips belonger and bloody. You are both right, we do have control over whether we allow ourselves to constantly overthink the situation.

NK sorry you are so sad. I love your determination to not message him. Do you have friends in RL to help you feel supported? I think the end of a ltr or marriage makes you feel alone even if you realise he wasn't really there but you are making room so that when you are ready someone who really is there can find you. We are all here for you.

Oldbrook nothing sad about an 8 year age gap. You are definitely not the saddo. He pulled you close.

Hello all. I was on a NC thread a couple of years ago with an ex and here I am again with a new ex.. hey ho. Day 2. Feel low
Please can I join.. to all

oldbrook me and nc have nearly an 8 year gap too, with me being the older one. And I agree, thinking about that snaps me out of my spell as well. Also, whilst he has never levelled my age against me, it is one of the things that has helped me keep my dignity through all this. I have not once reached out to him by sending him needy texts or anything like that. I couldn't bear the thought of him thinking 'sad old woman'!

Belonger I did the same really, led myself on, let myself become too attached to someone who as time went on clearly did not have much to offer me.

NK so sorry you're sad. anxious's words are very wise ^.

Welcome Tictactic. You'll find lots of support here, the early days are hard, stay strong

Thanks Anxious. I have lovely friends but none whom I can talk about NC with. I will buck up, just struggling today. How are you?

Welcome Tictactic

Theparting you sound so dignified and strong

I've read 2 other things on MN at some point in the last day or so -

"mourn the fantasy of what you thought you had " - Very apt !!!

and also

"reheated food never tastes as good as freshly prepared " - again , to be noted !

I am 10 years older than NC .
I also got attached to a poor specimen of a man who had/has very little to offer in reality
I was also lead on by him declaring feelings which he was in no position to offer .
And yes I projected a "what if" or a "what could be" onto myself based on his dishonest behaviour.
Amazing the similarities here !

Time does help for those who are in the early days but there are multiple times you will regress and you just have to be stubborn about it - acknowledge how far you have come and how you really really do not want to go back to the REALITY of what it was - not the FANTASY of it - the REALITY !

Hi all. Come over hear from my thread I started.
I just feel at rock bottom watching my ex go on holiday with someone else
I just feel broken by it all, I know I have to remain no contact
But I don’t know how to get away from all the feelings in my mind