Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

[Basseting]

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Sorry meant what's app not Facebook x

Thank you @oldbrook I have to try and get that mindset. I have just penned a really angry message to him but have not sent it as it won't resonate. I think that he literally has no emotional intelligence whatsoever...

I am so tired but can't sleep. Feeling like I have been hit by a truck emotionally

Oh seshi such a shame. I understand the devastation. I really feel for you.
Be kind to yourself, cry and block him on everything! Take the positive that you tried your best and now you have your answer. So can properly start ad deal with it and move on.

Morning everyone - for what it’s worth Day 31 NC. Numbers don’t matter so much anymore.

It’s his birthday in about a fortnight, so I continue till then? Thinking not. He asked for some space, and a month feels about right. Leave it too long and it will seem stranger to get back in touch. Also if it all goes wrong I can start the healing process without hope sooner.

Morning everyone @ravens I feel ill equipped to give advice but if you are ready to contact and he is ready to receive then I would message. But just be so cautious.... As its so easy to get sucked in and I feel worse this time round than I did at new years eve. I feel like I was given back a glimpse of happiness it was snatched away. So please think carefully x

@oldbrook I didn't send the message

I have kept it as a note on my phone. You know the most idiotic thing is that I am entering NC again with still a notion that after a month things my change again and he will realise what he has done which is so stupid as he does not want me. Why can't my heart accept that!?? Its like I am stuck as well as stupid

@oldbrook I hope so... He is incapable of seeing the damage he has done to me... And can't fulfil my needs. Its just the intense attraction that I can't shift

oldbrook I have F*ck Feelings too and yes think it is extremely useful and reminds us to acknowledge what we HAVE done and not what we have NOT done ! It is very realistic . They also rubbish The Secret ( which I hated years ago anyway ).

seshi you have tried your best and now it is time to let go and walk away ! You kept saying before something along the lines of " I just need to get him to this concert " and that worried me at the time - it suggested to me that you were the one who was making all the effort here and it seems as if it is/was . He has turned up and treated you very badly and I am sorry about that .

I also wondered - OK so if she gets him to the concert , what is going to happen then? I would say that you could send him a final calm measured farewell message - not angry BUT laying out what you are unhappy about . e.g. you did this which caused me to feel like shit etc . I did this calmly with my NC and told him 3 things that he had done which were unfair to me and I had never said ( at the time you are so busy trying to keep them sweet! ) . I also said what I had found great about our relationship . It MAY not mean anything to him/them but you GET TO SAY IT AND HAVE YOUR VOICE and I believe that that is crucial (as I never had that in the ending of my marriage) . It says that you recognise that you deserve better . My NC did reply to that message albeit briefly . That hurt at the time but actually when I think about it now it was him all over - brief, hiding feelings behind jokiness and yes agreeing that we had been amazing together. He did not comment on the 3 points I had made as he knew deep down that I was right I imagine . We know we are likely to run into each other it being a small town . I feel better for having done that - it has drawn a line in the sand . I have had my say . He always knew I had that in me - that was part of my attraction for him - my spirit and attitude.

Of course it will take you weeks/months but you just have to keep on remembering what it feels like to be left in that street crying . You cannot control what he does or thinks . You can only control your reaction to him and that has to be to say Goodbye.

I don't honestly think he would want to be friends. Don't think he knows the meaning. If I do NC for 30 days it will be a year ago since we met in April. I struggle with the finality of it though. So I think I have to give myself a time frame or it's too massive to comprehend. I am going on holiday in a week and hopefully that will make me feel better.. But I also know that it will give me lots of time to think about him. To be honest I am struggling to think about how I can even get through today x

@Bloody you are right. I did send him a message yesterday... Along I will forward x

seshi you and he cannot be friends. Friends do not do to you what he has done.

It is all very raw right now but it will get better . Set the target of NC for 30 days then do it again and again . In your mind you will still hold a remnant of a fantasy meeting someday where it all goes wonderfully and that is OK but do not chase him . He has had more than enough chances.

I'm so sorry seshi he's an utter shit. It's much crueler to give someone hope like he did then snatch it away.

I agree friends do not do that to each other. If you do have an argument you talk it out because you respect each other and value the friendship.

@oldbrook because that's their answer.!! My NC told me that he hasn't seen anyone since we split and was pissed off when I told him that I had been on a few dates... See nothing adds up!??

OMG Seshi what an absolute dick. I'm so sorry but you deserve so much better than him