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Original poster

Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

993 replies

Basseting · 19/03/2018 21:06

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 14:50

Belonger dont say sorry. you (and lots of others) are keeping me sane!. this thread is so much healthier than the NC situation.
Yes it is the person that sent a piece of sexually descriptive writing (but not about me) I said: Erk! No thanks, dont want to read that and he apologised and has not done so again. He did say his wife wasnt keen about the amount he msgd so we just email which is fine by me. But I see what you are saying, and I appreciate it. I will keep a sharp eye on myself and bung anything I am not sure about on here. Maybe reduce any personal stuff I tell him too, just in case. xXXXx

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Belonger · 22/03/2018 14:56

((((()))))) basseting well at least my memory isn't totally buggered! Maybe it's easy for us all to forget how uncomfortable or rubbish someone has made is feel, god knows that's a big part of my ability to think 'one text won't hurt' - my bloody selective amnesia.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 22/03/2018 15:12

I think he's very clearly still hung up on you Basseting

gingergenius · 22/03/2018 16:37

Been catching up with all you lovelies. Boundaries is a thing u e struggled with my whole life. My boundaries were ignored from a very young age so I think I've just learned that there's no point enforcing them.

Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 16:56

It's hard, isnt it ginger.? I wasnt allowed boundaries to quite an extreme extent so to even remember I can have them, yet alone enforce them calmly and appropriately is a challenge. Reailsing it is part of the battle, and having a safe space to check stuff out is literally priceless to me.

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Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 16:57

any news on meet up dates yet?

OP posts:
gingergenius · 22/03/2018 17:20

I'm kicking myself a bit about yesterday. It have pulled back. I gave into a momentary need for instant gratification. It's a lonely job raising 3 kids/running a business/doing uni. I don't get out much and I know 'we' are never off the table (to quote Rachel from friends) and I think I just wanted a bit of physical gratification. I know he's still a twat. So everything is still as it was. For me at least.

Belonger · 22/03/2018 17:29

I totally get the boundaries thing, I think that's why I get so twitchy about protecting other people's - which is if course itself a boundary issue! disappears up own wazoo

Belonger · 22/03/2018 17:30

Is it your gig tomorrow @seshi?

Belonger · 22/03/2018 17:32

Talking of wazoos, I am proud to say that although I over-messaged a bit yesterday, I caught myself and pulled back to protect myself from further hurt, and my dignity did not go up the wazoo. #pats self on back#

Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 17:35

Belongerdisappears up own Wazoo Grin Grin Grin

Oooh, is Seshiis gig come around already?

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gingergenius · 22/03/2018 17:37

@Belonger yes. Without wishing to get too maudlin it was made very clear to me that my boundaries were completely unimportant from a young age. I think it's why I'm such a pushover in the one area of my life I'm so vulnerable. Ex knows this. Probably why it's so easy for him to exploit. But I'm owning my decision, because it WAS a decision. And so is my decision to be clear that it was just sex. Good sex, but that's all. X

Belonger · 22/03/2018 17:38

You sound kick ass ginger, glad you're not doubting your diagnosis of him as a twat.

Belonger · 22/03/2018 17:41

And you can toss him aside like a use tissue ginger!

I've discovered I'm more rubbish at 'just sex' than I thought I was, unfortunately. I'm awesome at sex, obviously Wink but I'm not very good at love em and leave em - I get a bit attached. Dammit.

gingergenius · 22/03/2018 17:47

Funnily enough @Belonger he's the one who doesn't want a fwb arrangement! Go figure!!!

Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 17:50

Am now listening to Carly Simon's 'Coming around again' I recommend.
Tis freaking out kids. But they have just annoyed me by 'mindreading' from the trampoline. For 45 minutes. And I cant work out how they are doing.

All together: 'i believe in Love, who knows when, but if you 're willing to play the game, itsComing Around again. (the version with Itsy Bitsy Spider is esp good if you are feeling slightly hysterical Grin

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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 22/03/2018 18:29

I'd get too attached as well. That's why I never met my NC thank goodness.

Ooh Seshi the gig Grin

anonymous2018 · 22/03/2018 18:54

Day 4 almost done and dusted Grin

I am supposed to be tidying up as I have a man coming to the house tomorrow but instead I am catching up on here and looking at holidays. Anyone done a holiday as a single parent? Abroad.

Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 18:59

Day 49/12. Phew. Nearly 50 days till I last saw DOM.
(sits on hands away from Virgin trains site)

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Sosog00d · 22/03/2018 18:59

hi everyone!

day 12 no contact.

he's gone down so much in my estimation lately.... hes not the person he claims to be and i deserve a whole lot better.

Yes he may think the world of me, appreciate me etc etc but he isnt by my side and thats enough to tell me his intentions are scrambled.

Funny Ginger when i hear of Carly Simon i think of "You're so Vain...." Grin

My boundaries were fucked about with so much that when a counsellor asked me recently to write down what my needs are, i was startled and had to really dig deep.

I just keep hitting hurdle after hurdle this last ten years and its not looking like it will get brighter any time soon :(

Belonger · 22/03/2018 19:07

basseting you're doing brilliantly!

Remind us of the reasons why going to see the dirty old man would end up hurting you?

Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 19:14

He will make it obvious he 'doesnt have time' (he does and will clear (his almost empty) diary for me but will make it seem like a big deal).
He will not ask me how my life is going.
He will grump about everything (weather, traffic,cost of food)
If i am lucky he will talk about something arcane he likes, for hours
He will pounce on me (but I will like it :( Or wont and I will be sad
He will promise to keep in touch but probably wont.
This would be a disaster with big Op in offing.

THANK YOU Belonger it helps so much to see it on here.

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Belonger · 22/03/2018 19:18

Awesome work basseting. Also worth acknowledging the reasons you might want to go, because you can't just ignore them. Just assess them with a clear head

Belonger · 22/03/2018 19:21

soso sorry to hear you've had your boundaries messed up too, I wonder if it's something a lot of us have in common

Original poster
Basseting · 22/03/2018 19:30

I want to go for escapism as my life is so boring and crap here.
I would enjoy meeting the NC gang as much as DOM ?)
I miss being physically close to him / hearing his voice
I miss good sex (and, oddly, it was the best i've ever had)
But is suspect it would be less good now.
but he is such a wankbadger for not replying to 'out of surgery' text
So, I am sticking to Plan A which was wafting past later in the summer in a pretty dress on my way to tea with someone else!

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