A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

We’re home now. Being home is a reminder of how much ex annoys me.

I had to get DS1 to climb over and unlock the back gate because ex had locked it from the inside.

I made dinner and we had a nice relaxing meal. Then DS1 started clearing up and discovered that ex left both dishwashers full. He’d left some dishes in the sink too, so it can’t have been that he filled them and put them on as he was leaving. Clearly he’d decided that, since he’d delegated dishwashers to DS1, that meant he shouldn’t have to empty them even though there was no one else in the house to do it. I can’t even begin to fathom the thought process that goes into that.

He put his coat in my case (taking up valuable space that made packing DS2’s and my stuff difficult) so that means that he won’t have a coat to make his way from the city we flew into to the one we live in. I’m hoping it’s freezing and wet tomorrow.

I also got the brochure emailed from the EA. The photos are terrible. You can see a pile of mess in the corner of the living room. . The best room is my bedroom, which is cleaned and tidied. The EA has also chosen really odd photos. There’s a big photo of the ensuite (which is the smallest of the 3 bathrooms) and a smaller one of the kitchen (which should be a major selling point as it’s really nice, with quartz worktops and splashback, etc). Oh well. He can deal with it - and learn that none of it is as easy as he thought it was when I had to do everything last time.

Have to say I'm enjoying your thread, OP.

It sounds awful. But - you are free. Your attitude, your outlook. He's a goner!

You've got a rosy future ahead of you and I would give a lot to be a fly on the wall in two years time when you and your children are living an absolutely lovely life and he's bitter as fuck. And badly nourished!

And poorly clothed for the weather!

I suspect he’ll shack up with some poor unsuspecting fool as quickly as he can. I’m pretty sure he’s already seeing someone (we’ll call her Mandy). He might have been doing so since before the official split. I really don’t care though.

He is going to be back at 2 apparently. Bleurgh to that.

Lucky Mandy (not!)

Indeed. Hopefully Mandy has more sense than I did. Of course, he’ll be on his best behaviour for her and pretending that he’s good fun and kind, rather than the utter misery and arsehole I know him to be.

I’m not back at work til tomorrow, so I’ve come to sit in Costa so that I’m not there when ex returns. It’s far more relaxing here with no one to bother me!

Maybe his remaining brain cells have all died off in a mass extinction event. It does sound very irritating.

Ex is apparently making an appointment with the bank to separate the joint accounts. So that will be fun.

I’ve been looking on rightmove and have set up an alert in the area I deem suitable. If we get a decent price for our house I might be able to stretch to a centrally located Edwardian terrace (albeit with a tiny yard rather than a garden) or a fixer upper probate sale 1930s semi in the naive estate we rented in when we first moved to this city. Or possibly a nicely extended and done up 1960s semi on that same estate. The 1930s ones are much bigger (and because they’re clearly probate sales have lots of lovely features that never got touched) but it would take me a long time to afford to do them up. Amazing swirly 70s carpets aplenty though. And one has a stairlift (which DS2 would want to keep!).

Ex would really hate the Edwardian terraces (which are very handily located for transport links and walking to naice shops etc - you could conceivably walk to the city centre. I’m a bit wary though, due to the possibility of student HMO neighbours. Students (and associated ASB) are most definitely an issue in that area and the council is actively trying to reduce the number of HMOs. The other estate is less conveniently located but is lovely. There are certainly no student houses on there (or any students are either mature students or still living with their parents, not the kind that have parties every night).

I’ve set up a rightmove alert so I can see new stuff easily and focus on moving on from thus current stalemate.

I do love your updates op, I hope the house sells quickly despite the awful photos!

Thanks RandomMess.

You’ll be pleased to know that ex doesn’t seem to have enjoyed his trip to New Orleans much. He’s mostly said how dangerous it was and how the single day trip he planned was aborted due to torrential rain. I’m fairly confident that I would have managed to have an awesome time in New Orleans if it had been me (and I bet everyone else on here would too). The problem is likely to have been that he’s a misery.

And he’s clearly utterly jealous that DS2 had an awesome time in New York with me - and ex missed out on loads of great stuff. He kept going on about how tired DS2 looked in the photos and seemed put out that actually he’d been having a brilliant time.

He also seems to be very irritated that I bought a now tv entertainment pass (to indulge DS2’s obsession with all things obstacle coursey). It cost me £8 so I have no idea why he cares. Maybe he was just annoyed that his ‘quality time’ with DS2 featured watching total wipeout while I made dinner for the kids and me. It’s what DS2 wanted to do... (evil laugh)

I also have (very pointedly) shown no interest in whether his various presentations went well. I can tell he’s itching for me to give a shit about whether people thought he (and his bloody book) were awesome. But I really couldn’t care less.

In my mind your ex is Victor Meldrew!

Victor meldrew might be more fun!

Ex had an 8 hour layover in New York on the way back. Apparently it was freezing (and he had no coat at all, because it was taking up valuable space in my suitcase) so he bought a £200 down filled jacket. He such a miser with everyone else, but willing to splash out on himself.

Twat!

Hi Unimaginative I'd completely forgotten about this thread! I'm glad you had a great time in NYC, it is my favourite place in the whole world hehe. Sorry to hear the ex is still being a twat.

Mine is too. He's driving me insane, still need to get the house on the market but he literally does nothing - besides cook his meal and his laundry. I am responsible for everything else - similar to a PP, I'm running around trying to get the house ready and on the market whilst he does sweet FA because he doesn't want the divorce or to sell the house. He also keeps bring stuff from his dad's to our house - whhyyyyy!? We need to empty the house, not bloody fill it with more stuff!

In the meantime, I have found a lovely home that is perfect for me and I can't even put a fucking offer on it

shitwithsugaron it's insane isn't it?! We went for couples counselling and I had a session on my own once, counsellor asks me if I am attracted to ex, I said not really - he tells me he isn't surprised as I sounded more like ex's mother than his wife! Even now, he'll leave his dishes around even though the dishwasher is empty etc!

He goes to work, comes home and only has to think about himself, I do everything else. Thank God we don't have kids as I can imagine he'd do fuck all there too.

I'm with you totally - the more I live with him and the more I have to hear the shit that comes out of his mouth, the more I hate him and there's only one person in this world I hate...ex is fast becoming the second person!

@iwantanewusername How frustrating. I take it he’s deliberately trying to thwart the house sale. Hopefully you’ll have an offer soon and can put one in on the place you’ve found.

@shitwithsugaron. Poor you. Don’t do his washing and ironing. It’s harder to abounding cleaning up, as you don’t want to live in a shit tip. Maybe you could have a bucket that you scoop all his mess into (crumbs, pants and all) and leave for him to deal with. That way you have clear floors and surfaces but haven’t really cleaned his stuff up.

DS2 had a blood test at the hospital today. They think he has coeliac disease. He’s already had one positive test (which very high levels) do this one is to confirm it. It’s unlikely to be anything else though. He’s got an appointment at the coeliac paediatrics clinic in July and ex is acting like it’s somehow my fault that the NHS can’t just magic up appointments out of thin air.

Apparently I must give him the phone number so he can phone to check for cancellations because he refuses to believe that they didn’t have any when I phoned this morning. Arsehole.

counsellor asks me if I am attracted to ex, I said not really - he tells me he isn't surprised as I sounded more like ex's mother than his wife!

That sounds familiar. MIL regularly asks me if I feel like I have 3 children.

There is nothing attractive about a pathetic, needy man-child.

Really love this thread - thank you for starting it. It’s been an eye opener knowing there are a bunch of you going through the same thing. I’m finding it incredibly stressful - we decided 15 months ago to end our marriage and he’s still hanging around limpet style. Said he won’t be forced out (even though it’s been agreed he’ll move out). I’ve gone on strike as I refuse to pick up any mess but I’m feeling so depressed as this is no way to live. He seems content - he goes to work, comes home and eats hoummous, same shit the next day. I do nothing for him at all any longer. I just want to move on but I can’t see when he will move.

Thank you all for sharing.

I hope you manage to remove your limpet soon. 15 months is a very long time to be putting up with this. Why on earth doesn’t he want to move on?

At least my ex does want to sell the house, even if he’s making an arse of it. Hopefully someone will want to buy it. It’s a nice house, with loads of space. It’d be a lovely place to live without ex.

DS2 and I made shortbread after the hospital. An embossed rolling pin we’d ordered had arrived in the post, and DS2 was keen to emboss something. I also made some chocolate ganache and berry coulis to go with it (the children are fans of dippable desserts). Ex cunningly asked DS2 if he could have some of the shortbread he made, and then proceeded to eat loads of it - and the ganache too. He wouldn’t eat the coulis because he is a fussy toddlerdoesn’t eat fruit.

He is a manipulative shit.

I’m pervesely pleased to be able to share this horrible experience with you all. Well, not quite pleased; but it’s better to feel that it’s not just me. Hopefully we’ll all be free soon.

So funny reading about the ex files....
Mine moved out ...has since passed away...But he used to call up to moan about the replacement not doing things like me...
I once arrived home with my sister to see him cleaning the kitchen... She said isn't He good....I said what did you break.... it was a mug of coffee...

Ha ha. Clearly you knew him very well!

I’ve just signed the forms to remove myself from one of the joint accounts. He’s closed the joint savings account (that had 17p in it) but has remained suspiciously quiet about his ISA which is where he secreted away all the savings. There can’t be much in it, due to him having made us re-do the kitchen, utility and downstairs loo recently.

Even tiny things like signing a form with him are really hard work. He just makes such a big deal of it. I had to listen to him explaining to me like I’d been lobotomised and then he spent ages checking over the bits I’d filled in. It’s a really simple form; I’m more than capable of writing my name, address and phone number on it and then signing it.

Then came the interrogation about whether I’d destroyed the card that went with the account. Yes. Years ago. I have never used the card for that account (never even knew the PIN). He checks the online banking several times a day so he clearly knows this. It is so irritating to have to answer the same question 15 times and still be asked if I’m sure.

He’s acting like I’m trying to defraud him out of money. (See above about the ISA that I can’t access, and also the fact that I offered for him to buy me out for £40k, which is much less than the equity I’m due). I’m convinced his paranoia is pure projection; he’d try to get one over on me so he accuses me of trying to do it to him.

It will be SO nice to never have to put up with any of this any more. I could read war and peace in the time it takes him to check he’s put the right account number in to transfer £5 to someone!

My ex would go through phases of asking why? Why won't I give him a chance to show he's changed. I keep biting my tongue, throughout the shitty comments, failure to lift his fucking finger in the house. I keep my mouth shut. It's just not worth it.

I want to laugh when he says that we have been getting on so well. He's delusional.

The lovely, lovely house has been sold. I'm so fed up of it all. Sometimes it feels like I will never leave from this place. I hope and pray it sells quickly once it's on the market. Knowing my luck though...it probably won't!

The lovely, lovely house has been sold. I'm so fed up of it all. Sometimes it feels like I will never leave from this place

You will and there’ll be another lovely house at the right time for you. Or one you can make lovely, without him.