A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

@UnimaginativeUsername

I thought your house would be lovely and relaxed. I'm envious!

That's good news about school meals

I'm having a moment, I'm weepy and upset. Just reflecting on Ex's actions tonight it just makes me feel so cross and instead of shouting I get like this. I despise the way his DC come 2nd.

He promised DC2 a day out with a friend. DC2 chatted with me after school about the different places they could go. Ex said ( shouted ) NO to every suggestion DC2 made and said , amongst other things ,

1, its my day off on a Sunday so I will choose where we go

2, those places are too expensive and I haven't got the money ( but he does have plenty of money to stay in hotels with the latest new woman, go on big nights out and for fancy meals )

It’s awful when you can see them failing to put their children first isn’t it? What a shame he’s not willing to take the children somewhere nice.

Ex has DS2 on Saturday. So I’ve organised to do a surf and yoga session on the beach, and then to meet up with some friends afterwards for a barbecue (and to hopefully hear some the concert in a very close by open air venue).

I will be salty (and probably tired) but it will be fun. Unfortunately I look like I’ve been beaten up at the moment. Some oil splashed on my chin while I was cooking on Tuesday so I have scabby bits where it blistered and I started getting a cold sore yesterday. This morning I woke up and my half of my top lip has swollen to about 4 times it’s usual size (and my cheek is swollen too). So I’ve been doing everything I can think of to help it go down.

Gah. That’s the look to go for when you need to introduce yourself to the staff (and other parents) at the school your child is about to start at. Hopefully it’ll be back to something like normal size by Saturday.

I’d be weepy too, if I were in your situation. I think it’s a reasonable response to the situation.

@UnimaginativeUsername

Thank you. I pleased that it seems like a reasonable response as ex has just been rolling his eyes at me and kind of sniggering. He has turned into a horrible man and your absolutely right he fails to put his children first and I have to console and comfort DC because of this.

I love what you have planned for Saturday I hope you have an amazing time. Have fun, laugh out loud and enjoy the day.

I'm sure your lips would of settled down by then.....

The lip is down to only twice it’s original size this morning. I’m going to continue throwing everything I can think of at it as it’s still not a good look.

@UnimaginativeUsername - your lip! Hope it's getting better! The pharmacist might have something to calm it... But sure you'll have a fantastic time on Saturday anyway - you can always say you're going for the Kim K look!?!. It's great that you're getting out and doing things you want.

@Turnedovernewleaf - having a good weep can help get it out. It's so frustrating when they can't see what they're doing - or don't care. And when it's towards the DCs...

I don't understand my H. I know he's self-centred, too weak to accept blame. He was so defensive, horrible at counselling. And then he's been happy as Larry since, whistling his way around the house and telling me 'everything will be OK'.

What?!? This is the man who said, amongst other things, that I say things just to make him feel bad, my fault he broke a plate.... I'm not sleeping, preoccupied with it all... It was almost better when we weren't speaking and he was in the spare room - more honest at least.

Delurking in support - have you tried the compeed cold sore plasters - they help mine heal really quickly

I have the compeed patches. I‘ve also got antihistamines and anti inflammatories to try to deal with the swelling. It is definitely getting better. It might even be roughly it’s normal size tomorrow.

I’m not sure I could convince anyone I’m going for the Kim k look, as it’s only one half of my top lip. The other side and the bottom lip are normal sized.

It sounds like your H is very good at compartmentalising @namechanged77. Although it does seem very strange for him to be claiming that everything will be OK at this point. It can’t be fun to live with.

We got DS2’s school report today, which was very positive. He’s doing very well. And none of the euphemistic bits were in any way a surprise (or inaccurate).

Yet, ex is only concerned by there being too many ‘expected’ vs ‘exceeds expectations’. I picked up the report and noticed he’d annotated it.

He's such a dick

He's a cockwomble.

There's no way DC2 won't notice as he gets older. It's going to become blindingly obvious to him.

Thing is, ex makes me feel like I’m the weird one for not counting up the exceedings v expecteds and calculating percentages.

The irony is that ex cannot calculate percentages so he’ll have had to use a website to calculate them for him.

Wow guys I found this thread last week and I have FINALLY caught up to the end. Your other halves sound like such arseholes!! I really feel for you all and all the kids!
At least their mums rock and put them first!
Hang in there and make sure you all throw party's once your out and free! Xx

@UnimaginativeUsername

That's such good news about your lip

I take it that ex is home now after his time away. That's such a shame.
regarding DS2 report your definitely not the weird one. Its fantastic news that he's doing so well.

@ct1987

Hello, and yes, I think a party would be a fabulous idea !

@namechanged77

Thank you. I felt better after having a cry although my DC1 heard me so I had to think of something quick. I told DC1 that I'd heard some sad news about a pet ( which is actually true ) and DC1 gave me a hug

I'm so sorry that things are tricky for you

Ex has DS2 today. He has a snowboarding lesson at 9. You’re supposed to be there 10 mins early to get kitted up. It takes a full 30 mins to get there (and ex doesn’t know the way because he has never in his life taken any responsibility for navigating anywhere). They’re just leaving now.

I’m really annoyed because I paid for the lesson and they will definitely be late for it. Or ex will drive like a terrifying idiot to get there on time. Neither is a good option.

The lip is normal size today though. A bit scabby but I can work with that.

Enjoy your day UU

Keep out of the way so ex has to actually parent your ds, rather than doing the fun stuff and handing over to you for the sensible parent type things

Oh I plan to. I’ve booked to go to a surf and yoga class at lunchtime, and then I’m going to meet some friends on the beach for a picnic. So ther

So there will be no picking up the slack for me today.

Remember all this is temporary in a year I doubt ex will be seeing much of DS!

@UnimaginativeUsername

Being ill prepared and running late, sounds like my ex.....

.....Pleased that your lip has improved... Time to get ready and enjoy your day! Have a fantastic time !

It wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t always accusing me of being ill prepared.

I also told him to try to book a lesson for the afternoon next week (rather than the usual 9am) as DS2 has a martial arts grading in the morning. So he said ‘I just won’t book one then’. Fucker. I’ll have to phone them and book it myself.

Given that I have paid for every lesson so far and the one day each a weekend was supposed to result in him paying for a lesson for the very first time, I suspect he just doesn’t want to shell out.

I should have seen his meanness with money as a giant red flag right back at the start. Sadly I just thought he was a bit skint but, no, he’s stingy. Stingy with everything.

But you know he's a gas lighting arse! Every time he falsely criticised you he is really criticising his own behaviour!

Yes. I do.

It’s really annoying to live with though.