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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

999 replies

UnimaginativeUsername · 17/03/2018 20:30

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

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dustarr73 · 20/05/2018 22:21

DS2 is away from Monday to Wednesday on a school trip, so I’m seriously hoping that ex takes the opportunity to stay at Mandy’s and I won’t have to see him at all! grin

Well you need on one of those nights to get dolled up and go out.And look especially fab.

UnimaginativeUsername · 20/05/2018 22:26

I plan to. A Monday or Tuesday night out is where it’s at!

I might see if DS1 fancies seeing something at the cinema tomorrow night. It’s only £4 each on Mondays. And see if I can rope one of my friends out to the pub on Tuesday.

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Somekindoflove · 20/05/2018 22:45

Do you have any idea of moving date yet?

UnimaginativeUsername · 20/05/2018 23:00

Alas no. I’m waiting for my mortgage offer. I think the valuation survey has been done, so hopefully it’ll come through quickly. Then there’s all the other administrative stuff that takes so long in conveyancing!

I’m hoping to be in before September.

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shitwithsugaron · 21/05/2018 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnimaginativeUsername · 21/05/2018 11:24

Your LL sounds like a gem. I do wonder where your ex thought he was going to put your DD’s bedroom furniture since he doesn’t seem to have done anything to organise a bedroom for her. Hmm

The drink driving is your business because it’s your car he’ll write off. I’d suggest hiding the car keys and taking him off the insurance.

DS2 is away on his residential school trip. He was so excited this morning. The whole class were. It’s lovely weather too, so they should have an amazing time.

Ex couldn’t come to see him off because he’d organised for the electrician to come round this morning. He was angling to have me drive him home before going to work but I just played dumb. Previously I would have offered to do this, but everyone on here has helped me to grow a spine and decide that his problems are not mine to solve.

He texted me to say that the electrician was there (obviously) and also that he’d just smashed the screen on his phone. I’m not sure why he thought I’d care. I do wonder if he was hoping I’d offer to pay half let him off the cost of getting it fixed in his share of the household expenses. Clearly I won’t be doing that! I replied that DS2 had left on the coach and ignored everything else. Not my circus...

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Turnedovernewleaf · 21/05/2018 12:32

DS2 is away on his residential school trip. He was so excited this morning. The whole class were. It’s lovely weather too, so they should have an amazing time.

I'm sure they all will Smile

Ex couldn’t come to see him off because he’d organised for the electrician to come round this morning. He was angling to have me drive him home before going to work but I just played dumb. Previously I would have offered to do this, but everyone on here has helped me to grow a spine and decide that his problems are not mine to solve.

well done you Smile and regarding him telling you about his smashed screen : exactly, not your circus!

Could someone tell me what LL means please Hmm

SneakyGremlins · 21/05/2018 12:57

Land Lord? Grin

Turnedovernewleaf · 21/05/2018 13:04

@SneakyGremlins

Thank you Smile

UnimaginativeUsername · 21/05/2018 13:07

Yes, landlord. Grin

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Turnedovernewleaf · 21/05/2018 13:25

@UnimaginativeUsername

Thanks for confirming

Wave2wave · 21/05/2018 17:01

Been lurking on this thread, the way your are all coping is an inspiration :-) Thank you for starting it UU.

I am also having to share with xh, until the divorce paperwork is through and the finances agreed. It's daft because the pot isn't even very big and I will accept a less than ideal solution to be rid of him, but we're still waiting. We agreed to split in February, and everything is sooo slow! I am hoping to buy him out with the help of a family friend, but it can't go through until the finances are signed off and agreed. I have offered him a partial payout now with the rest to come if he moves out now but he won't move out, so we're stuck for the moment. Seeing a solicitor this week to hopefully progress things a bit.

He can use the washing machine, however seems to have forgotten there isn't a washing fairy to empty it for him. his clothes have been sat damp in the machine since last monday. I am seeing how long it takes him to notice, (and how smelly the clothes will be having sat damp for that time!) although it's getting really inconvenient now..

RandomMess · 21/05/2018 17:03

Dump wet clothes in a carrier bag/crate or similar Wink

Turnedovernewleaf · 21/05/2018 17:56

@UnimaginativeUsername

I hope the rest of your day has been a good one

@Wavetowave

Completely understand how you are feeling however I do agree with @randonmess and suggest you take his clothes out the machine put them to one side somewhere. You don't want your washing machine to start smelling.......

Turnedovernewleaf · 21/05/2018 18:08

..........dishes are starting to build again here!

Ex had a melt down before because the last bun had been eaten. He put a burger in the oven for his lunch then noticed it had gone. Que shouting and stomping about !.
It seemed like the end of the world for him, oh dear Grin

99% of the time he eats whatever he wants without giving thought to the 3 other people that live here. For example 20 packets of crisps were bought Friday tea time and by Sunday evening he had eaten 18 of them oh I could write a big long list about this.......

UnimaginativeUsername · 21/05/2018 19:46

@Wave2wave Definitely dump the washing in a bin bag. The do your own and dry it properly like an actual grown up.

@Turnedovernewleaf That’s very annoying about the crisps. He should have checked there was a bun before cooking his burger!

I’ve had a pretty good day. Someone I haven’t seen for ages told me I was looking great - much younger and happier. Grin

Ex has not been home. I’m hoping he doesn’t come home at all. I decided to take DS1 out for dinner at yo sushi. We ate loads of sashimi. It was lovely, just the two of us (and no one ostentatiously counting up the plates and making sure everyone felt guilty about eating anything because it would cost money).

Then I handed in all the paperwork to DS2’s new swimming club. He’s now officially Scottish for swimming purposes. Ex will probably be annoyed about that (DS1 and I are Scottish; ex is not) but I don’t care. The club secretary said that it would be daft to register as English when he could be Scottish instead. Grin

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RandomMess · 21/05/2018 20:01

Grinlove it that he's now Scottish Grin

UnimaginativeUsername · 21/05/2018 20:06

DS2 will find it hilarious. Ex gets annoyed if DS2 describes himself as half Scottish, so he’ll probably be more annoyed that he’s now officially Scottish for sport.

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Turnedovernewleaf · 21/05/2018 21:00

@UnimaginativeUsername

Your response to the crisp and bun scenarios made me laugh out loud and I completely agree with you on both counts.

Sounds as though you've had a lovely dinner with DS1, i hope the rest of your evening remains the same

UnimaginativeUsername · 22/05/2018 06:32

I had a lovely evening. The house was so peaceful without ex (who sadly did not stay out all night, so presumably cannot have gotten lucky!). I didn’t see him though - just heard him come in about midnight.

While we were having dinner DS1 told me that he thinks that ex is a narcissist (and has for some time). DS1 may be far more perceptive than he appears to be!

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UnapologeticallyUnhinged · 22/05/2018 09:58

You have to love it when a teenage boy is more perceptive than an professional adult “man”! Amazing!!!!

iwantanewusername · 22/05/2018 11:28

Wave2wave my ex is like this - either leaves the clean clothes in the washing machine or leaves them hanging around the kitchen, I leave him to it.

Ex has agreed the financials now, so passed them on to the solicitor, house should go on the market next week I think!

I've seen a house and am torn by it really, the house itself is great, good size rooms, not much work to do to it etc. Location wise it is perfect, round the corner from where I am so no need to change anything. It's just that it's on the corner of the street...feels a little exposed, but I have to say it's growing on me heheh. Fingers crossed the sellers don't get a buyer or find a place just yet haha!

Ex is being a cunt, just saying some of the most awful things to me - he really sees it as I failed to try to save 'us', that I never tried to help him with his abusive side? That I never pushed for him to go to anger management (yes, because telling an angry man he needs help after he's hit me is always going to work out great for me right?). He still sees it as just him lashing out and not "proper" DV?!

then tells me (not for the first time) that he hopes the next guy beats the shit out of me because only then will I realise he didn't do anything really.

Ghostontoast · 22/05/2018 12:55

I agree, so perceptive for a teenager! Grin

Iwant - hope the moving process gets going Smile

AntiGrinch · 22/05/2018 13:09

That's terrible, Iwant.

My ex was like that too - he pushed me around pretty hard and dangerously a few times but as far as he is concerned it doesn't count because I was so annoying.

good luck for everyone with getting exes out and having lovely peaceful homes.

I have a cleaner who comes on a Monday or Tuesday and when I get back in the evening when she has been it feels so amazing. When I was with ex, I NEVER got back to the house when the cleaner had been before it had been sandwich-bombed again.

I cannot imagine doing what some people do - I have read of separated couples with children who keep the family home, the children live in it, and the parents get a little flat and alternate between living with the children and living in the flat. Frankly, if my ex was capable of respecting that someone else was using a place, cleaning it, and had a need to be calm and find all their stuff in it and not constantly have to deal with someone else's dirt, rubbish and lack of consideration - we would not have needed to separate.

I take grim satisfaction in how crunchy the floors are at his place.

UnimaginativeUsername · 22/05/2018 20:40

Your ex sounds delightful (and completely deluded) @iwantanewusername. Glad you’ve agreed the financials and can put the house on the market. The house you’ve found sounds good. Sometimes being on a corner can be better - does it have a bigger plot than the others on the street?

That must have been so annoying @AntiGrinch: to pay for a cleaner and never see any benefit from it. I’m glad you can now enjoy your freshly cleaned house and laugh about him with his crunchy floors. Eurgh.

I have been in the car for about 6 hours today. DS2 is away on his school trip but he had a hospital appointment this afternoon. We couldn’t really postpone it because that would mean waiting about 3 months, so I drove out, picked him up (he complained bitterly that he was missing out in being in a boat and apparently doesn’t care about his health if it means missing fun stuff), drove him back to go to the hospital (which is about 15 mins from out house), went to the appointment, drove him back out to the middle of nowhere and then came back home.

Ex wanted to come to the hospital appointment (and I couldn’t really say no to that) and then insisted on coming with me to drop DS2 off again. He did drive on the way back but actually I’d rather have not had the company. He was a wanker in the appointment. The consultant was asking questions about things and DS2 couldn’t answer them (because he’s 8 and 8 year olds are crap at anything other than saying they’re ‘fine’). So I’d answer and ex would get snippy about how I should just let DS2 give the doctor completely inaccurate information talk for himself. Hmm

Just because he doesn’t know how often DS2 has headaches or joint pains (because I’m the one he tells and I administer the calpol), or how when he’s been up in the night with horrible growing pains (because I’m the one who gets up and looks after him), or about DS2’s vowel habits and stomach issues (because it appears I’m the only one who listens when DS2 tells us his tummy is sore or he’s got diahorrea) doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. Nor does it mean that an 8 year old will accurately relay this to a doctor.

Anyway, we got the results of his blood tests. So it was another very high result for the coeliac antibodies. Plus a strongly positive result on some other test (IgA I think) and he has the associated gene markers. So the consultant said she was confident that she could diagnose coeliac and recommend a GF diet. He’s seeing the paediatric gastroenterologist in July who will properly confirm it, but they don’t tend to need to do a biopsy with those results plus symptoms apparently.

All of which means DS2 will be starting a gluten free diet once he comes back from his trip. So I’ve joined coeliac uk and downloaded their app to help with that. We’ll see a dietitian alongside the gastroenterologist in July too.

On a more amusing note, the doctor checked his stomach and remarked on what strong stomach muscles he has! He’s got a proper six pack from all his swimming. Grin

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