A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

I have turned down the sub.

I like Randoms idea

I’d have to figure out which of the millions of plugs back there are for the amp. Turning the knob in the back of the sub was much easier!

Good luck to him affording a detached house on GP now! I know how much the new CC ones on GP are going for unless he goes for one of the cheaper builders but he doesn’t seem the type from what you’ve told us! Men are so illogical. The more fuckery they do in these stages of splitting, the happier we are when they’re gone! When I was in your position and ex was acting like a dick, I was just super nice (even though it nearly killed me) so he didn’t have a reason to hate me (we split due to HIS cheating. Trust me I wanted to set fire to his head). About 6 months later he tried to get me back (after he was engaged!) and I just laughed in his face. That was so satisfying!

Wow UU he is really a strange one isn't he?!

I'm a little freaked out, had convinced myself we'd never get the house on the market any time soon because a big bit of work (painting) wasn't getting done til mid June. Suddenly it's happening this week - different guy but he had availability. Now it all feels real, it's nuts!

Ex seems to be up and down too - UnapologeticallyUnhinged you're right - the more he arses about, the happier I am I won't have to put up with it for much longer! I am doing the being nice thing...but it does get harder every day.

@UnapologeticallyUnhinged I can totally imagine how satisfying that must have been for you.

The prices for the newly built houses in GP are ridiculous. But you can get a second hand one for a song because a lot people who like new builds really like to pay extra for them being brand new as far as I can tell. So my prediction is he’ll buy one of them.

His budget would be similar to mine (since we’re splitting the equity and his salary is only a bit higher than mine, a difference his child maintenance payments will wipe out once he has them) so he will be able to afford that kind of thing.

I’m glad things are moving in the right direction @iwantanewusername. It is so much better once you know you’re moving. It’s made such a difference to me psychologically. And there’s all the arranging mortgages and life insurance/instructing solicitors etc to occupy your mind.

Ooh. The rightmove listing for ‘my’ new house not says ‘Sold STC’.

You’ve got to appreciate the small things.

Ahh so exciting UU!!! I am looking forward to that day!

Yeh, it definitely feels good, a bit overwhelming though, suddenly the things I kinda needed to do can all be done now. I shall be running around like a blue arsed fly I think and will love it.

Ugh another house I liked has gone. Need to get this house on the market ASAP!

The thing about houses you think you might like on rightmove is that they’re often a disappointment in person. EAs can sometimes do wonders with cameras.

Something great for you will come up once you’re in a position to put an offer in. It’s so nice only having to think about what you want in a house. Well I’m happy to think about the boys too, but it’s wonderful not to have to thinks out ex’s weird foibles. And also to realise that it is entirely up to you if you want to put an offer in. No one to negotiate with.

Hi unimaginative username
I think your ex is my ex’s twin brother separated at birth. Exactly same story although mine was over a few years ago. He also started seeing girlfriend ( not affair) instantly. Poor poor woman. She’s still with him. I love her cos it means he’s never come back to me. He’s starting to run out of ( settlement ) money. She’s paying for everything. I can but laugh. My kids think their dad is an arse. Sad but true.
Living in your own ( smaller) house is just THE BEST
Kiss your sweet asshole of an ex goodbye, wish him well and smile wryly. And don’t forget to read up about narcissistic partners. You will find him in there right next to his separated at birth twin!! 🍾🍾🍾

I think I’ll avoid kissing him goodbye, not least because of the washing machine technique issue!

I’m actually looking forward to the smaller house because it’ll be much easier to clean. This one has too many bathrooms and I hate cleaning bathrooms. I’m looking forward to just having one.

Thanks UU, I hope you're right re a great house popping up when I'm ready to put an offer in!

I am so excited and ready to live alone. And in a smaller house, I loved this house when we got it because it represented our future - having kids etc but that never happened (thank God, considering where we are now!) and now it's just too big! Obviously ex doesn't clean a fucking thing so I used to do it before I got a job and now we have cleaners.

I am actually looking forward to cleaning my own home again - slightly daft but it will be easy to do because it will be smaller and cleaner (current cleaners are rubbish - I refuse to get rid of them as ex won't clean anything so I will be expected to do it...along with everything else!)

Something will come up. There are nice things still coming in here. At least two that would have been possibilities this week. My friend is househunting in the same area so we’ve been comparing notes. I’m totally happy with the house I’ve chosen but obviously I could be happy in another house too.

I do hope so, I am surprised at how quickly some houses get snapped up and others not so much! There have been a few over the last couple of weeks. I do think I should stop looking but I do think seeing the houses is giving me a good idea of what I want vs not etc (and what I am willing to let slide!). I keep taking a friend of mine with me as she has a good eye for house stuff which I might miss!

It’s good to get a feel for the market and what goes and doesn’t. And to really think through what you actually want.

The market here is mostly composed of things that sell pretty quickly (for more than the asking price) or houses that just don’t sell because they’re very overpriced, they need loads of work, they’ve had really weird work done that’ll cost loads to undo or they’re in an unfortunate position but the price doesn’t reflect that (such as backing on to the train tracks with trains every 5 minutes from 5am to after midnight at the bottom of your small garden). You can generally tell which ones are going to go quickly and which aren’t.

I saw a house a few weeks ago and it looked good, decorated to a high standard etc, I was convinced it would be snapped up, it's still on the market. You're right about EA photos, when I saw the place in person, everything was a little rough around the edges and there was a lot of wasted space downstairs which would impact what I could and couldn't take from my house.

I was hoping the house I fell in love with would be forgotten about by other people but an offer was made. The house I liked yesterday was very similar to that one but it's gone. I hope something similar to those come up again! I saw one last week which was nice, I haven't fallen in love with it, so won't be too heartbroken if it goes.

It's funny looking at houses and realising what you like/don't like. The house I'm a little ambivalent about is mostly because there's no door to the kitchen, it is a separate area, but nothing to close out smells etc...and that grates somewhat. If I got that house, the first thing I'd be trying to figure out is if I can put a door in!

I have a couple of people trying to convince me to move closer to them and I am resisting the urge to shout HELL NO! They are a 45min drive from my work, really far from London (where most of my friends still live!) and I'd really be isolated from the friends/life I've made where I currently live. So whilst I'd probably get more for my money there, I'd rather pay a bit more and stay where I am!

Definitely don’t compromise on location; you’d regret it. I’m paying more because of location. If I didn’t care I could spent half as much for the same size house!

Maybe hold off on the actual viewings until you’re ready to make offers. That way you won’t convince yourself about the ones that ‘got away’. I find not looking to see what is currently under offer helps too, because then you don’t think ‘oh. If only I was looking a week before’ or whatever. That’s exactly the sort of thing I would do.

Sadly you do have to check to see how prices are - but you’ve probably already got an idea about that already. So you can live in self-protective innocence.

I don't plan to, in an ideal world I'd stay in roughly the same area I'm currently in but the perfect house doesn't exist here...so far! I'm ok to move around within the same county but I'd like to stay the same distance as I am from work (15 min drive).

You may be on to something about not visiting houses, but I have to admit I do enjoy going to see the houses too . I definitely avoid the under offer properties on my search - what I don't know can't hurt me hehe.

I think I know what my budget is, having spoken to a financial adviser, it seems I've been rather conservative in my estimates which is probably a good thing!

I was initially super conservative in my estimates. Turns out I was nearly £100k out on what would be deemed affordable. That’s a good thing as the houses in the area I really want to be in are not cheap.

I wouldn’t want to be further from work either. I used to have long (horrible) commutes (4 hours each way, then 2 each way) so I took a much worse job than I had simply because I could drive to work in 10-15 minutes. In my new house I’ll be able to cycle in 15 mins. Commuting is not fun.

I find looking at houses really weird. I’m quite glad not to be doing it any more. Other than going back for another viewing of the house with DS2. I think he’ll really like it, especially as he can walk to school and the swimming pool (where 2 of his training sessions will be; alas, I’ll have to drive him to the other 2) and the shops and the train and the park. Actually, you could walk to two parks from it if you wanted - one is just really close.

Brilliant news about the house. I think you’re probably right to wait (even though you’ll be itching to move). You don’t want to give your ex any opportunity to screw you over, especially not once he sees a solicitor who makes it clear that his ideas of a ‘fair’ settlement are not how a court will see it.

My seller’s EA contacted me today to say that the bank have contacted her to arrange a valuation. So presumably that means they’d decided they’ll lend me the money and now just need to check whether they’ll lend it in the house. I also need to arrange a homebuyers’ report too but I’ll do that once the valuation comes back.

I’ve been arranging new life assurance/critical illness cover too. And I need to do a new will. The solicitor doing my conveyancing offers reduced price wills when you are buying a house through them so I’ll use them. So much admin, but it’s important.

I used to have 5 beds, three bathrooms, 8 sofas, a barn in my garden (!) and a kitchen that was bigger than the ground floor of my new home. Now I have one bathroom, 3 beds and a shed. I can clean it, heat it, afford it. I LOVE it. And the ex can’t come in. That’s worth millions

Haha. What did you do with 8 sofas?

Ex was out til late last night. He’s nursing a hangover ‘working from home’ this morning apparently.

Oh poor him. How will he cope with a sniffle?

Memorably my ex had a bit of a cold once and kept insisting that he probably had Ebola. He claims he was joking, but he wasn’t. Apparently the fact that he works in a university meant he could have been in contact with the Ebola virus.