A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

I probably should be panicking about too much ‘outing’ detail now. But I’m not. If anyone recognises me all they’ll learn is that ex is a wanker and I’m too nice to him.

Don’t worry hun. I don’t live there now. I’ve relocated again. Wish I was though as I’d be meeting you for a glass of vino on the high street!

Haha. I really am not worried. It’s not me that comes out of this badly.

Sad to miss out on the wine though!

He’s a man-boy. Once you’re living back in civilisation (no offence GP!) you will have a great life. I loved living there (by SG station!) and I met a whole new group of pals and had a riot. You’ll be fine, pet!

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I’ll be 5 mins walk from SG station. It’s going to be great.

The realisation may start hitting him soon. Expect some tantrums.

Oh I fully expect tantrums.

I’ve had my evening interrogation from him. He wants to know how far along the chain is for the property I’m buying. Erm, right at the beginning because she’s only just accepted my offer.

And his ‘news’ involved complaining that the EA keeps calling him to update him on things. Well, obviously. He’s somehow under the impression that our buyer having applied for a mortgage and instructed a solicitor is somehow evidence that he’s ‘going full steam ahead’ (for which read: panic and catastrophise that it’ll all fall apart because he has to wait too long) rather than just normal behaviour when you’ve had an offer accepted. I’m sorting out my mortgage stuff and will just use the solicitor we always use (who are good and handy).

Ex has gone out. So the house is lovely, quiet and relaxing. I might have a glass of wine and watch some crap.

Ex only gave me 45 mins notice that he was going out. I think next week I’ll make some Friday night plans myself and not tell him til I’m just about to go out. Then he might realise that he’s absolutely taking it for granted that I’ll just be there. If ex still insists he has to go out, I can just get DS1 to babysit (so it won’t thwart my plans). Ex is weird and doesn’t like getting DS1 to babysit (he’ll be 18 in less than a month, and regularly supervises a Beavers troop; he’s brilliant with DS2 and very trustworthy/reliable).

I'm sure the going out is all about trying to show off that he is failing to shagging someone!

Specifically, I’ll make plans with a friend who likes any excuse to dress up. Because that very strongly communicates that I’m very happily getting on with my life without him.

@RandomMess: I’m sure it is.

He’s not very good in bed anyway. And a horrible kisser. Basically he’s a textbook example of what just 17 used to describe as the washing machine technique for kissing.

Ewwwwwwwwwwww

Indeed.

I’m sure he used to be better at it. Or maybe I was too foolish to realise it.

Anyway, whoever it is is not a lucky woman.

Yes. It absolutely is.

I’m looking forward to hearing about your holiday.

Ex only gave me 45 mins notice that he was going out. I think next week I’ll make some Friday night plans myself and not tell him til I’m just about to go out.

Yes, I had these silly games too - though I/we have no kids, he had a son. One day he texted me, later afternoon when I was at work "I'm going to my work Christmas do tonight and won't be back until tomorrow", so I replied "DSS goes to his mum then". (DSS never went to his mum, she had forgotten he existed)
Funnily enough, ex didn't go to his 'Christmas do' (which was odd in itself as he had already been to his Christmas do ).

When we were together he always just assumed I'd be there for DSS, on the one hand telling me he didn't need "looking after" and on the other whining that I refused to cook for him (after years of having food I had cooked being yacked back up onto the plate I just stopped).

He also one night emailed me at about 11pm saying he was having a load of mates round the next night for curry and poker. I replied "that's not acceptable, it's too short notice". He didn't respond. So, I took myself to the cinema, on my own, after work, and ate crap there and came home about 10.30pm to all the lights on, doors unlocked, mess all over the kitchen and no-one to be seen.

So, I turned the lights off, locked the door, went up to my room and put my headphones on. It was a crying shame that when they all came back from the pub with no keys I couldn't hear them knocking.....

He later told me in a row that I had complained about him having friends round so he had had to 'make other plans'. Um.....right......except...they did come round, and they did have curry, and they did play cards - they just popped out later in the evening, and he never told me he had 'made other plans' (because he hadn't and he was doing his usual rewriting of history/gaslighting) so I could feel comfortable coming home to my house after a long day at work and 4.5 hours of commuting!

Just 17! Hahahah! What a trip down Memory Lane! @shitwithsugaron hope you had a nice hol.

This is my favourite thread ever for so many reasons. I recently moved to a new area for a career opportunity where I don’t know
anyone and this thread is giving me life as I have had so much relationship crap in the past and I know exactly where you all are right now but things do get better. You get stronger and your ‘bullshit detector’ gets more attuned. (Mine too much so as I have been single for years!) So now I know that this new challenge is just that, and I’ve been through much worse! You gals are Amazons and I want you to truly realise that. One day you will feel at peace and your happiness is attainable and you are bad-ass mums and can absolutely do it alone without the baggage of toxicity and your kids will be better than fine, as they will have a fabulous female role-model to look up to. You all fuckin rock.

And @van I feel you lady.

Thanks @UnapologeticallyUnhinged.

Your ex sounds like such hard work @VanGoghsDog. Can’t think why you wanted rid of him!?!

I decided that I’d look into the online dating world tonight. Not because I want another relationship (no thanks) but I thought maybe I would go on a few dates (that require ex to look after his own child) just for the sake of it. I wish I hadn’t. It’s all liars (you’re 38, you say? Are you sure you didn’t mean to press 5 but hit 3 instead?), the deluded (did you really think I’d reply?) and the outright weird (and not in a good way). I’m not doing that again. It’s horrifying. Honestly, the women who manage to get through that and find the tiny number of nice, normal men on there have my admiration!

The worst was a guy who seemed perfectly normal. Messages about his job and how we did the same degree subject sort of thing. So he asked if I’d like to meet him and then it got seriously weird. Turns out he’s some sort of freaky submissive type who wanted me to dictate everything (not suggest something, actually make demands), to insist that he brought me a present on the date (or face a forfeit!) and even suggested that the present could be underwear. Except that he was incredibly insistent and demanding about his wanting to have to ‘work hard for his girl’. Urgh. Normal to weird in under 10 seconds.

On the other hand, it has confirmed that since splitting up with ex my sense of self-worth and my expectations have radically increased. I’m also even more certain than I was that I really do just want to be single than I was before I ventured into the nightmare.

I will go out with friends instead and just have fun!

Ugh OLD is a minefield! (In the NE there seems to be a much higher ratio of plucked eyebrow gym selfie types. Am I right?!!) and also one of the reasons I am perpetually single. I have SO MANY bad date stories (including the guy who walked up to
Me, looked me up and down and just said ‘no’ and walked away) it’s not worth it. Although it’s always worth a giggle to ‘see what’s out there’, it’s ultimately disappointing.

Yes. Quite a lot of plucked eyebrow, top off, gym selfies. Or worse in bed selfies.

And huge numbers of round, bald men old enough to be my father pretending to be in their 30s, who think sending ‘your beautiful x’ will get a reply from someone actually in her 30s. Or 25 year olds listing themselves as 40 and saying how much they like older women. If a woman is looking for a 25 year old, she’ll set her search that way. Why would she want one that’s pretending to be 40?

Also an alarming number of clearly very bitter men listing all the things women do ‘wrong’ on OLD and life in general and how they shouldn’t waste their time. That clearly has to be a case of ‘when someone’s telling you who they are: listen’. In fact, any of these would be alarming; the fact there are several is really scary.

I thought it might be like rightmove, whet you think a house looks ok and are disappointed when you see it. Except that it’s more like post-apocalyptic rightmove, where you don’t even have to leave your sofa before you’re attacked by zombies.

I’m pretty sure OLD is not for me. At least I know that now though.

You’ll be delighted to know that I am taking DS2 to snowboarding on my own this morning.

Hurrah did he even ask?

I'm from the North East I suspect not far from where you live!!!

Yay! Enjoy yourselves together: a taste of life to come