A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

In other news, ex bought some bagels off me this morning so he could have some breakfast. How and why, did you catch him trying to eat your children food again.

Ah. I didn’t need to catch him. He actually asked if he could buy some bagels off me. I may have overcharged him

I may have overcharged him Good.

Make sure this doesn't become a new habit of his.

Still following this and very glad to hear that your housing stuff is moving forward UU. Fingers crossed for you.

I think I'd be saying no sorry, I'm afraid I need what I have in - the shop is that way' next time.

Still wifework otherwise, isn't it? You made time, budgeted and arranged your schedule so that food is inside the home for the time it is needed. Don't be the means for him to be able to discount that from his schedule - to not need to make time to go to the shop because the person who is still in the role of wifey will have done it for him.

Yes Yes he may have paid rather rather than just taken them but it's still you whose had to do all the thinking Involved planning and going to the shop. The wife work. I'd be doing nothing for him at all and refusing to sell him food etc

You are all right of course. But it was easier just to overcharge him this morning. By quite a lot too. That shows you how little he knows about the price of food.

More importantly though, I have good news. My offer on the house has been accepted. I am so happy.

I still need to phone our EA because it turns out that ex hasn’t communicated to them that we’ve accepted the offer on our house. So that’s annoying but I’m seeing it as effort towards escape rather than anything else.

I’m also booking another viewing for the weekend after next so I can take DS2 to see where he’s going to be living. I’d do it this weekend but we’re super busy - DS2 has his big, residential school trip next week and we (me and DS2) need to make sure he has everything he needs for it.

Everytime I think I need to post on this thread, it happens to pop up :)

Congratulations on the house UU! That is fabulous news!

Hope you're having a fab time away shitwithsugaron

My stbx is doing my head in, I've had varying comments from asking if I want a celebratory shag to yesterday's gem of asking me what's for dinner. My response was whatever you make, (I'd already eaten) and he asked if I had cooked for him, I said no and asked if I was supposed to. I then get told that no but I could have.

Just like he could have washed his own dishes or tidied his shit away but didn't/doesn't. In the end he got in his car and stropped off, no idea where he went and don't particularly care either.

I have no idea if I'm ever going to get out of the house, I'm a bit better about not doing the wifework but not that much because I still end up doing it. He does his laundry, I do not touch it at least.

PP who mentioned their exes saying they are angry - mine does this too. Suddenly he is so sensitive to angry outbursts or showing anger - despite the fact that it has nothing to do with him (had an issue with a colleague being a dick towards me, I was angry...it showed...STBX got upset by this...wasn't even angry at him ffs!).

God, I hope I get out of this house/situation soon.

A celebratory shag? You do have to wonder what is going on in their heads.

I hope you get out of the house soon.

I’m so excited about the house thing, but obviously it’s going to take ages (because these things always do). I have a destination though and it’s just a process, so I feel more like I’m getting free - even if I don’t have any actual date for freedom yet.

Yup, I got a promotion and instead of saying congratulations, he said that. Oh and when I said no he kept badgering me. I was biting my tongue so hard to stop myself from saying I hate him.

Ahh freedom is not too far on the horizon for you though! There's definitely light at the end of the tunnel for you. I'm going to see a house tomorrow. God only knows why heh!

CONGRATULATIONS on your own house!!!! Without that bastard

So bloody pleased for you. This nightmare is nearly over. Imagine the first night you get into your own bed, in your own house with your kids.
Dick probably didn’t think you would charge him.
New life is coming.

Thanks for the congratulations.

Congratulations on the promotion @iwantanewusername. It’s such a shame that your ex tried to make it all about him in such an unappealing, creepy way. Bleurgh.

I hope the house you’re seeing is nice. I’ve seen some horrors!

Absolutely. The new life looks great.

I sent a link to the house on RM to DS1’s dad (who is a really nice guy). He was very positive about it, and particularly that it’s in an area with more going on than where we currently live. Being able to walk to a whole range of cafes and coffee shops will be lovely.

I’m going to get a bike and cycle to work. It’s a 15 minute trip and the vast majority is on a cycle path far away from the cars. So I’ll be healthier and happier. And I won’t have to pay £40 a month for parking, plus loads of petrol either. If the weather is too horrible for cycling, I can get the train really easily too.

I also sent a link to ex’s parents, who are really lovely. His dad texted back to say that any work I needed done on the house, he wants to be the one to do it (he’s a handyman/joiner).

I think ex’s parents are gutted at the split. They do really like me (in fact, his mum likes me more than ex - she loves him because he’s her son, but she is very aware of his faults). And they’re sensible enough to know that having a good relationship with me is the best way to ensure they continue to have a great relationship with my sons. They love both of them. DS1 might hate ex; but he loves ex’s parents.

Thank you! Yeh, just goes to show who he is. Every single day makes me realise I am making the right decision.

Oh gosh, I hope it's nice too, it looks nice from the pictures hehe. It's more if they would be able to wait for me.

I'm pleased your offer has been accepted, and that the house works for you and your DS's

Has your STBX looking for his fancy bachelor pad yet? I hope he doesn't faff around and cause unnecessary delays and that you don't get lumbered with all the "wife work" clearing and and cleaning on completion in a few months time.

Oh such good news - well done!

Great news OP

Has your STBX looking for his fancy bachelor pad yet?

His extremely well thought through plan is to move into a friend’s spare room and then decide what to do afterwards. I’m not sure what he thinks he’ll do for his EOW contact with DS2.

But I am not pointing out the flaws in his plan. I don’t want him complicating the sale by wanting to buy too. I don’t think he would. He’s super paranoid and prone to catastrophising, so he’d be far too anxious that the sale would collapse. That’s partly why he’s a bit sniffy that I’m buying and not just going for an ‘I haven’t really thought this through’ plan like him.

Amazing news on the offers! I reckon you’ll be more involved in your sale than you thought because you’re going to want to push this on quickly! How amazing will this be!

Re the bagels, I know it seems petty and minor, but next time, tell him no. He needs to man the fuck up and start being more organised. You don’t want to have to shop more often because he isn’t organised. Sort out that joint account ASAP and separate things properly.

So chuffed for you!

He’s being SO sniffy about the buying a house thing. He asked where it was (presumably so he can complain - he’ll be horrified to find that there is housing association property nearby because he’s a snob). It’s not up to him where I choose to live. I don’t think that he can accept that he has no control over what I do.

Then he started asking about chains etc. I think he actually thinks he has a say in it (he doesn’t). I own 50% of this house and if I want to tie a purchase into the sale, I bloody well will.

He tried to act like I’d be making him pay for some of the conveyancing on my purchase - but they bill you separately for both. Actually, I think he’s just hoping to find excuses to prevent me from moving on. He’d be happy if I was just going to rent (because then he’d be in a better position than me). It probably really annoys him that I’m just getting on with planning a great new life for me and the boys.

He’s also not happy that I’ve said that we should tell DS2. He is clearly going to try to stall it, but I’m not having it. Everything will be better (for me, DS1 and DS2) once it’s all out in the open. And I can be really enthusiastic with DS2 about the new house, walking to school, etc. That’ll really help him to see it as good change rather than bad change in his life.

I’m so pleased for you op! A new life for you and your 2 kids (without the superfluous THIRD!) will be wonderful. Also, if STBXP is annoyed at Social housing nearby, how ironic! You live on a new build development? The law requires a minimum of 35% affordable housing on new build developments so they will be around him now he just may not realise it. Also point out that the reason he doesn’t have any food is he chose to live in a place with no local shops, so suck it. By process of elimination I assume you live somewhere in North East? (Beach/North Sea etc) which is where I moved after my horrible break up for a new start. There is loads to get involved with as a single gal about town! (Swing dance classes anyone?) you’ll be golden. He will be stuck in a sweaty box room with his chin pubes like a sad teenager.

My ex tried to get me to pay his stamp duty that he was having to pay on buying me out - I said in that case he could pay my stamp duty on my new house. I didn't hear back from him on that one.

Idiots, all of them.

He will be stuck in a sweaty box room with his chin pubes like a sad teenager.

Haha. Not a pretty picture!

Also, if STBXP is annoyed at Social housing nearby, how ironic! You live on a new build development? The law requires a minimum of 35% affordable housing on new build developments so they will be around him now he just may not realise it.

Actually there is absolutely no social housing round here. It’s part of a much larger development (there are loads of utterly massive developments in this region these days) and the developers have gotten away with putting all the social/affordable housing a long way away from here.

Regardless, I don’t care about social housing (it’s very nice social housing anyway, so it’s perfectly pleasant to look at). And it’s not like you can know what kind of neighbours you’ll have by their housing tenure anyway. Paying a mortgage doesn’t suddenly make you a better person.

@UnapologeticallyUnhinged You’ve probably got a pretty good idea of which areas I’m actually taking about. Your guess is probably right.

@VanGoghsDog Yes. They are idiots!

Hahaha! Yes I know EXACTLY where you live as I used to sell those houses and now my mum lives there! Tell him to walk to the big Tesco, the lazy sod.

Haha. Or M&S if he’s feeling flush!