Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
   
2. Develop a thick skin.
   
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
   
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
   
5. Trust your gut instinct.
   
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
   
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
   
8. If it's not fun, stop.
   
9. Loo update is mandatory.
   

10. No dating the thread

[user1490465531]

Your right Daffo I'll give it till tomorrow and if still not heard anything I give up.

[RunsforCake14]

Smeaton I had a lovely phone conversation with a man who had the sexiest voice ever but who lived just over an hour away. We talked through the logistics of actually meeting. Initially it's ok because you can meet in a pub halfway. Then you want to visit each others homes. So that's a 2 hour round trip. He could only come here if my kids were away, so once a fortnight. I could get a sitter and go to him but that's an extra 2 hours of childcare I'd have to pay for. And I couldn't stay over.
I've been through the options of seeing someone further away and it doesn't work for me. Which limits my choices even more.

[Jaxinthebox]

Im sorry some of you are having a hard time with OLD. I think Easter is a bit strange all round for people.

I got a message last night from a new person and after chatting a lot, we met for coffee today. This is my third OLD and I like this guy, he is funny, has his own business etc. He has travelled and works hard. I think I would like to see him again.

[penny1ane]

I once dated someone for a few months that lived an hour from me. It all seemed fine and worth the distance at first. Once the excitement had wore off it became too much hassle for the both of us. When you have work and child commitments the distance starts to drain you.
For me half an hour away is the maximum if I want it to become something serious.

I unhid my profile over the weekend after not going on pof for quite a while.
I spoke to a few people but the conversation only kept going with one.
I made a big mistake of not looking where she lived. An hour and a half away!!
Its such a shame. She was ticking all the right boxes for me.
There is a big part of me that thinks I need to stop taking the easy option of using old.
From reading these threads and pof profiles I get the feeling that it is all a bit easy come easy go, if you get what I mean.
When you put yourself in RL situations it takes more courage and you work harder to make something of it. If that makes sense :-)

[Popcornandjam]

Met Mr Plane for lunch and a walk around some antique shops/art galleries. Was a lovely afternoon and we have plans to meet next weekend - feet still firmly on the ground but I do like him.

Agree about distance - what seems do-able on paper really isn't IRL. I've often thought 'it's only an hour away...' but practically it doesn't work. Tried it 18 months ago, it lasted for three months but those quick coffees/popping round to say hello/evening pub drinks just can't happen and, for me, those are the things that build relationships.

[esk1mo]

when some of you say an hour away, do you mean an hours drive?

[DaffoDeffo]

runsforcake I think that's a really good idea. Other thing is doing stuff like cooking courses/bowling etc. (I know it sounds lame but if it's something you enjoy anyway you can go with a nothing to lose attitude!). I was about to do a (don't laugh!) glass blowing course (no smutty jokes)!

I also agree Easter is a weird time as a lot of people are away or with extended family so I bet it picks up again from next week onwards. OLD is exhausting.

[Popcornandjam]

Yes, an hours drive is, for me, too far. 30 mins tops.

It's great that you've got time during the day for shorter meets Smeaton - I tend to work long hours and build time in lieu, so no time during the week really, which leaves weekends. And then it seemed to settle into A Relationship quicker than the connection warranted, as there was no option other than to stay over.

Horses for courses though - just because it didn't suit me doesnt mean it's not right for others.

[CoverMeLads]

Do you not think though, when one looks at the dearth of attractive, sane, intelligent, respectful and funny blokes in one’s immediate radius, that actually an extra half an hour outside one’s comfort zone (in the car/on the train) might be worth it for some great conversation and potentially earth shattering sex?

I mean, I’d travel for Robert Downey Junior. Who wouldn’t?

[esk1mo]

an hour drive to me is glasgow to edinburgh, and id never date someone from the city i dont live in! so i agree.

just as i say im taking a break, i match with someone on tinder who im having good conversation with

[pudding21]

Vet such a shame you were both so patient to meet. I think these ones with distance are tricky.

esk1mo most of my matches are in the big city or around which is an hours drive from me. That suits me at the moment unless I fell for someone then it would be tough. I think if you really click and its worth it you would make it work but it shouldn't be too hard iykwim. Locally I am very limited.

So might be on for a weekend tryst with Mr French. Kids with ex, my parents can mind my dog. A weekend in the city looks possible. I hope so anyway.......I feel a pull with him I haven't with anyone else on OLD (Mr A yes, but not for a stranger). In a nice way though, a cool way. Oooofff. Rein me in.

[pudding21]

esk1mo forget about Mr F, perhaps he is busy, but go chat to new guy ;) If he isn't that interesting then take a break.

[VetOnCall]

Exactly Cover, if I only looked in and around Exeter I'd be screwed (entirely in the figurative sense). So far I've only been on one date with someone who actually lives in the city. I don't mind driving for up to an hour or so, no kids makes it easier, but a lot of my matches are Bristol/Cardiff/Salisbury which are a lot further.

[FalconHeavy]

Last FWB was near 1 3/4 hour away but the interest was there so we both made the effort. It's true that those little dinner dates/drinks do help to get to know someone better but strengthening the relationship wasn't and isn't a priority for me.

Presuming she knows where you live Smeaton so maybe the distance isn't an issue for her either? Maybe she works near you or something?

[Popcornandjam]

If I was in a relationship that worked then one of us moved an hour away then that's one thing, but an hour's drive for a new relationship, on top of my existing commitments, is too much for me.

I want to spend the night with someone because I want to, not because it makes sense as I don't want to travel. Going out locally with friends, meeting for lunch - these things matter to me. When I had my three month relationship with an hour's distance it all became too regimented - spontaneity was sadly lacking, everything had to be planned. We couldn't meet one weekend because he was ill, then the next it was my daughter's birthday. So that was three weeks and it signalled the beginning of the end.

[AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx]

Sorry it didn't go so well Vet (or did but with buts IYSWIM!)

My date has lovely eyes and a nice face, and seemed just decent and respectful, but he's a bit serious for me and I don't think I really fancied him. He talked A LOT, mostly about work things, and I found my mind wandering a little

We did the whole "lovely to meet you hope to see you again" goodbye with kisses on cheeks but I doubt it's a second date thing.

[potatoes13]

F

[Popcornandjam]

I'm in SW too vet so I know the distances you talk about - would you consider Bristol or Cardiff seriously? And have you ruled out the other direction, because I see a fair few potential irons in the Torquay area!

[SilverdaleGlen]

Well I've stopped licking my wounds and just feel a bit of a fool, MrSaturday has never been back in contact surprise surprise since Easter texts yesterday and to be honest I don't want him to, but feel a 2nd date would make me feel less of a tart 🙄

But back in the saddle and have 2 new irons. Not sure though, they need names so:

MrLoco is local, we spoke for 2hrs last night on the phone. Lots of shared interests BUT was very open about his sexual proclivities (a bit Dom). Not too full on though and I'm ok with exploring that. Fairly straight that he wants a proper relationship, puts his kids first and will have fun along the way. Wants to see me Sunday and will book a local hotel as he wants to drink (it's only about 45m but no transport) is that odd??

MrBlue was totally all about the sex last night on text, including my first ever cock shot 😂 Although I agreed it through sheer curiosity (see I have SHIT boundaries). But actually I totally indulged the texts. Today we've been taking more and actually he seems to have a lot of integrity, very clear focus, not "nice" or funny really, quite earnest which is odd for me but appealing after all the bull.

And here is where I ask if I'm insane. He is clearly very well off, has his own place abroad and wants to take me away for the first date to an amazing restaurant and his home abroad. He suggests that spontaneity leads to good things. Now I could do it, my kids aren't here and I want some sun but is that clinically insane to agree to on a first date. Feels a bit fairytale I'm more used to costa and a chat!!!

I'm too curious for my own good so be my voice of reason. Oh and pudding it's in your neck of the woods so if I go, you can be my emergency "get me the hell out of here" contact.

[esk1mo]

pudding honestly as soon as i posted, MrNewGuyOnTinder stopped replying and MrF text me 4 times in a row saying he really wants to see me 😂

your weekend plans sound thoroughly enjoyable i have dabbled with French in the past, the accent is incredible. whats the latest on the italian?

[esk1mo]

silver im so happy you have new irons, but honestly both of them to me are draped in red-flags

maybe its just me, the others might not agree!

[DaffoDeffo]

silverdale you've got to see him locally first surely :). Though it sounds massively exciting, if he's awful and you're stuck in a different country where people don't speak English, it could be really frightening (sorry I am probably sounding like your mother!)

[SilverdaleGlen]

I know I know. Eek. The other country thing doesn't bother me as I travel for work, I'd just google translate my arse into a different hotel and a flight home!

But it's a bit crazy to consider right?