Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

falcom - no, I just picked up stuff about it from this thread.

Some men's profiles without photos could, of course, be from men who are private, in a position of responsibility at work or in public life, such as a teacher. Some may just not like risking identity theft or be ultra aware about cyber security.

But I read somewhere that over 1/3 of all men's profiles are from married men. So it's likely that a majority of those photoless profiles are married.

Sending big hugs to everyone who needs them.
We all understand that relationships fail for various reasons but cheating, blocking someone or dumping them by text - that's just shitty behaviour. If you've been in an intimate relationship with someone whether it's been weeks or months, then you show respect and deal with the end like a grown up.
Sadly respect and politeness seems to be hard to find these days especially on OLD.

lostlily I think I went out with that man! He was totally threatened by me being independent!

I agree runs - none of us are so naive as to think every relationship is going to be hearts and roses. As with the people we encounter in life, we won't like everyone we meet and not everyone will like us.

It's the crass behavior that is defeating.

Having deleted the Apps I've been exchanging the odd message with the one remaining iron I had. Nothing serious at all, just a little light hearted chat. He's asked if I want to meet for a drink tonight so I thought why not, what's the worst that can happen? Then I remembered ghosting/love bombing/breadcrumbing/fading etc etc etc...

But I'm going to go anyway - you've got to love a trier!

Good luck Popcorn hope you have a nice evening..
I am just going to pull away for a bit, I realise I have been too easily pulled into things because I have enjoyed the distraction and attention but actually I should maintain my standards and not accept things that from the outside looking in, I'd tell someone else to walk away from...

I am in my early 40's and need to concentrate on getting the rest of my life in order as a single divorcee and just go on the occasional date without looking for anything more at the moment.

lost same here, I think I actually need to work on myself more. The attention when it’s good is nice but like you fairly recent split from long marriage any bad experiences I think hurt more. Good luck this weekend everyone. I’m off on holiday for a few weeks so dating is on hold. Happy Easter 🐣

lost and tech I'm sorry for your experiences and I hope a break helps. I was pretty happy and content before OLD, experiences can really rattle you I think.

Popcorn hope it goes well tonight.

I'm meeting Mr RL later. He's already messaged today to check that we're still meeting, which is good. First dates don't usually bother me but I'm really nervous about this one.
We spoke for about 10 mins last weekend in a crowded, noisy pub. I haven't got a photo of him, so I hope I can recognise him again. We've exchanged quite a few messages and he seems genuine. I just hope he likes me when he meets me properly.

lost I think that's a great approach, to maintain standards. I often think to myself what would I tell my friends to do if they were in my shoes?

So date number 1 with Mr Bear today. He seems sweet. Shared interests. So we will see how it goes.

I also texted Mr Music who love bombed me at the start of the year. I was ok when it ended as I knew we'd never work as a couple. But we remained friends as he's one of the funniest and nicest people I have ever met. We are tentatively discussing becoming FWB, which I could definitely do with right now.

And loads of messages on POF, including an offer from a 31 year old. I'm 49!!!

Happy Easter everyone!

Stayed at my 1/2 FWB last night. He's grumpy and I don't know where it's going. I have such a soft spot for him.
Hoping to see 2/2 tomorrow He's my fave but not interested in a relationship - which suits me.

Talking to Mr SNES funny, intelligent and a bit role play-ee and Mr Art who I've been friends with on facefuck for years. Surprised me when he popped up on Tinder!

What is WMLB?

So, for whoever wanted a bit of positivity...
Introduced Mr Local to kids briefly and it went well, we are very different and I'm enjoying the physical side of things whilst taking it slowly emotionally in case it doesn't work out. Kids are old enough to understand its still fairly casual. Not on any dating sites at the minute.
I also smashed my 10k time recently just in time for next competition, and ....most importantly...got the promotion I went for at work! (Over the moon about this as I am definitely stretching myself and beat some strong competition)
Happy Easter everyone hope you all get a bit of positivity too, or at least a nice break from work and no messages from idiots :)

Lots of dates today by the sound of it - good luck to everyone venturing out!

I'm looking forward to meeting Mr DiamondMine on Monday. Had a ton of matches on Tinder and Bumble in the last couple of days for some reason so will see if any of those turn into actual conversations. POF is pretty dead at the moment.

Iron WMLB is a book called Why Men Love Bitches. I've read it and I already did most of the advised stuff - one thing I've never been accused of being is a pushover or 'too nice' - but I think it's good. I don't think it's about game playing, it basically tells you to get a life, be independent, cultivate and maintain your own interests and sense of self, don't overinvest, chase, put your life on hold for a man etc. Even if you know the stuff it's good to have a reminder now and then and see that often things we might second-guess ourselves about really aren't acceptable and to trust your instincts.

Seems a mixed bag to those on the thread at the moment, sorry to those who are having a shit time.

Mr French and I on paper seem a really good fit. I am trying not to over use my already vivid imagination with this one and keep it cool. We have agreed not to ask or reveal too much about each other so when we meet we can talk about everything. Its quite sexy. So we have been having conversations like "roller blades as feet, or chopsticks as hands" and "what is your opinion on pineapple on pizza?". I am free all next weekend, I need to try nail him down but I think he likes a bit of a chase. He isn't game playing, just cool as.

Saw Mr Architect today, his intensity has ramped up a notch again but I am keeping a bit of a distance in giving away any attraction. He asked me about my star sign today and we chatted about non work stuff for a while. He hugged me today and I might have sniffed his neck. Hahahahah!

Mr Italian has gone to ground, I wonder if he was ever planning to return to Portugal at all. His messages come to "I miss you" and "I want to be with you", but not much else in between. Perhaps he knows it couldn't work, or perhaps I am already a distant memory. Who knows.

I am only occasionally looking at tinder, there isn't much about at the moment and to be honest, Mr French is taking up most of my messaging time I have, so.........

Happy easter everyone:)

So I ran a test today after tomorrow's date said I don't have many photos on the site. They were both fairly staid.

I put up one of me in a slinky dress with cleavage and lo and behold 5 messages in the last hour telling me how sexy I am.

I wonder what they could want

So cynical, silver 😉

Yay ignoring, congratulations on your successes.

I read WMLB a few years ago and agree most of it isn't about game playing, it's about not being too nice sometimes. I love cooking and, very early in previous relationships, I've baked cakes for the guys I've been dating. To me, it's a nice thing to do that I enjoy but I can see to them it's probably far too domesticated and homely and scares them.

Looked at tonight's dates WhatsApp photo to make sure I recognise him since I've deleted Tinder. Looks completely different, not entirely sure I fancy him anymore. I'm all about the facial hair - his, not mine - and that's disappeared from what I recall of his profile.

Will still go, but expectations fairly low on the floor.

Just had my date with Mr Bear. He was lovely. We got on well. But I'm not sure. He kept going on about having no money, which irritated me. And I just didn't feel a spark. He clearly liked me and is obviously looking for a relationship. He was also clear about me being honest with him. I liked him, I could maybe do a second date. He's cute. But I'm not sure, so I think it'll be a no from me. I don't think a second date would make me feel any differently. I fear he's a little desperate.

I want to clarify, it doesn't bother me if someone has money or not. But it does bother when someone goes on about it. Does that make sense?

tom i hate that, it makes me cringe inside. i could have 5p in my bank but im never going to tell anyone that.

on my first date with MrF he told me he had recently quit his job, i thought uh oh here we go (having previously dated someone who was always skint) but he had money in his wallet and told me he’d spent the last 2/3 years investing and not spending any money. plus he’s looking to start a new career now, so i decided to give him a chance. so far he’s paid for everything (8 or 9 dates) and ive never had a guy do that before

esk it really irritated me. He must have mentioned it about half a dozen times. I'm going to text him and say thanks but no thanks.

I'd never talk about money, especially not on a first date.

That would be a no-no for me too Tom. I think it's a bit crass to talk about money with someone you barely know (whether you have it or not). Someone continually moaning that they were skint would be a massive turn off.

kin glad you’re alive - what’s your side business?

bant I’m a word lover and peccadillo is an awesome one - going to add it to my list of faves!

lost third new sorry you’re going through this and as lame as it sounds be glad they’ve shown their true colours now rather than further down the line and now they’re out of the picture Mr Right is hopefully on his way (sorry if that sounds syrupy but I’m a Libra and an old romantic and believe/hope we will all get the opportunity of a relationship that makes us bloom 🤮)

silver I learnt my lesson early on regarding talking to people without a photo - last year a bloke messaged me and was really witty, original and grabbed my attention we chatted and got on so very well and after 10 days he did send me a photo which wasn’t very close anyway we had a date and he was absolutely lovely but not at all my type and as much as personality counts I need that mutual spark/attraction (spent 12 yrs married to a wonderful man but I was never attracted to so it’s a huge deal breaker for me) so now no photo = no reply - it’s bad enough when you meet someone with photos but they’re 5+ yrs out of date - all my photos are recent, clear, not all slapped up to the nines and All my dates have said how much I look like my photos.

Those with dates tonight - hope they all go well

Still talking to the nice bloke waiting for him to suggest meeting up 🙄

PR Barm - mostly press comments for printed and online media but also a bit of radio and tv too.

True Barm!

How did the date go popcorn?

*Kin you're in a similar field to me then.

I'm trying to decide how to reply to a man who has basically gone from hello to "can you imagine undressing me". Can't decide between saying his warm up act needs work or telling him I'm not looking to replace my 28yr old Portuguese FWB with a balding middle age man from suburbia. He needs to at least offer something extra!

Or I should just leave it, but he has pissed me off.

My date with Mr RL last night started badly when he was half an hour late. He let me know but that was still 30mins in a busy pub looking like I'd been stood up. He's different to what I expected. Quite serious, very intelligent and quite shy. We had a lot to talk about. But he also asked me some very direct, personal questions that I found uncomfortable and refused to answer.
At the end of the evening, he walked me to my car and asked me to let him know when I got home. Which seems nice except that I obviously didn't drive fast enough as he rang me when I was about 5mins from home.
He's already asked for a second date and I'll probably see him again but I don't think he's right for me. And when he kissed me good night he wasn't a great kisser which is a big turn off for me.

Ah Runs how disappointing what kind of personal questions?