Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Yeah it might have been more than a kiss which was bloody stupid. I'm looking for someone to date and that isn't right. I'm so stupid when drunk and really really angry with myself.

I think I should just stop meeting people.

silver dont give yourself a hard time. Just dont. Who knows where it might lead or not?

mroil messaged me this morning, made me laugh. I think he is my only iron at the moment. Chatting to a couple of others but thats all.

Don't beat yourself up silver, just learn from it for the future.

Not so long ago I drank before a first date because of nerves, then drank a lot more and ended up back at his house. I honestly can't recall what happened then, I don't think we went all the way because I certainly wasn't in the right frame of mind to consent but it scared me and I make sure I never get that bad again.

silver I am terrible when drunk, dont worry about it. Its the beer fear making you panic. Next week you will have forgotten about it.

I am pleased some thought I had a nice date, thanks popcorn ;)

So Mr French has been away all weekend so minimal contact.

Mr 25 has been back in touch, saying we should do it again sometime.

Mr Policeman is messaging nicely, I am not sure about this one, he looks quite intense and serious. I need someone who is funny. But he seems to understand my position etc.

Oh anyone remember phone sex guy? The one I blocked form everywhere as he didn't respect me asking him not to contact me. Well he ramped it up this weekend. Text me twice from a different number and called me. I didn't answer, just replied to the last text telling him to leave me alone and stop contacting me. I had a very lucky escape there, I am so please I sensed his desperation and didn't let on where I lived etc or give too much away. It freaked me out a little bit, I am sure he could be potential stalker territory.

Happy easter sunday everyone.

Has anyone ever received a message like this one I just got on Match:

In summary it says "I'm contacting you on behalf of my uncle, XY, who loves your profile etc etc. He doesn't do internet dating but he'd be over the moon if you got in touch. He's x old, y tall, widower, lives near you. Here's his email address.... No need to reply to me just email my uncle if you're interested."

I looked at the profile and the nephew seems to be genuine. Has a few photos and a write-up. I was about to message him back to say, this looks like a scam because you've included an email address. But he's blocked me so I can't.

I've reported it as fake but it's unlike any of the fake messages/profiles I've ever seen before. I'm curious but not enough to email a potential spammer.

Runs I would report and ignore, sounds like a scam and even if it’s not it’s just weird.

Love that's what I've done. I figured if it was genuine then he'd have no reason to block me.

Sky I think I nicked that phrase from Blackadder 2

thats weird runs why would he send you that then block?!

esk1mo it isn't like any of the other fake profiles I've come across. The message seems to be genuine apart from including an email address. And they've added it twice.
Match seem to be very good at dealing with fakes etc. I've reported quite a few fakes and a couple that were harrassing me and the profile is gone within 48hrs. And I don't want to be blacklisted as it can affect your profile on there. We'll see if anything happens in the next few days

Update - just had an email from Match to say that they've deleted that account. So they must've decided it was fake.
Yet another type of scam to watch out for. But brownie points to Match for dealing with it so quickly.

literarydevil whatever you do, don’t rely on Eharmony. If I had done I would be thoroughly depressed. I only got weirdos and old blokes and really did not like any of the matches and had almost no activity on there.

I haven’t done POF but did find Guardian Soulmates had a lot of genuine people on it and Match too.

Hi! Eek! Not following rules of Dating Club very well! I feel ridiculously optimistic with a bloke I only met last week (MrSpectacles). He seems so genuinely sweet and patient. I can erm see myself properly giving a serious long term relationship a go. I know it sounds insane but I have a really good feeling about this one. He seems like a decent one for the good times and the bad. No real evidence for this yet of course, just a hunch. I still feel terrified.

Just don't forget the rules, Locotion

Someone on here posted a few weeks ago not to plan in advance any further than the duration you've already known someone. So if you have known them for a week, plan for a week, known for a month, plan for a month.... Jolly good advice in my view. It could even be a rule??!

I had a match offer for 4.99 for a month. I looked at the profiles in my area there are seriously no guys I want to chat to so no point in joining!!

falcon ive known my iron 2 months but i would never plan that far ahead with him

Falcon Interesting ballpark figure - I will add it to the list of rules I am strugglng to adhere to. I feel like rules are really really good when ive met most previous dates and you naturally want to and need to protect yourself and the rules form a good structure as reasons to e.g. not sleep with someone earlier than you want as a random example. You feel safe and respected with those rules. But with this man I dont feel like I need them to feel protected or safe with rules. He isnt pushy, rude, weird, arrogant or any of the previous characteristics Ive shied away from. It genuinely feels different. I mean, I am not signing my life savings over to him so all that could really happen is my feelings get hurt.

I struggle with paragraphs. Apologies.

Locotion, it all sounds very good :-)
I know the feeling so well. Sometimes you meet someone that you just naturally click with. When this happens you just have that gut feeling how right it feels and the rule book stays on the shelf.
Make sure you enjoy yourself and let it unfold naturally.
I wouldnt let the word relationship enter your head for a good few months.
Live for the moment :-)

The thing is though Locotion that you've only known him.a week, so you don't actually 'know' him at all. You don't really know for sure if he is or isn't any of those things, hence the rules. It's entirely possible he is a lovely, genuine man, but anyone can keep up a facade of being pretty much anything for a week, or quite a few weeks. You only know what he's shown you in a very brief acquaintance. Hopefully your feeling is accurate and he really is great, but until you know that for sure it just pays to err on the side of caution and not overinvest immediately or decide that he is/isn't a certain way before you really know him.

I'm meeting Mr DiamondMine at 12. Shame about the rubbish weather forecast today but looking forward to it anyway (kind of!).

Good luck Vet

Esk1mo Key words being "no further than.." That you don't plan 2 months ahead is probably a good sign you aren't overinvesting. Well done

Good luck vet

Locotion I felt like that with Mr Music. We both felt a really deep connection from the start. After date 1 I thought it was all very different. In the end I was lovebombed (I'm not saying this will happen to you), and after spending a weekend with him then I saw a side I didn't like. The amazing, charming man disappeared a bit and I just saw a different person to the one I'd fallen for initially.

Again, I'm not say any of this will happen to you, but it's easy to be swept away by the first impressions. Let things unfold slowly, take your time and really get to know him. And hopefully your gut instinct is right.

Mr Music and I are still friends and have thought about becoming FWB. He's just become a lovely friend out of all this once I realised he wasn't relationship material.

Good luck with your date vet

Locotion I hope that great feeling lasts. Try and stay grounded and check in here if you're unsure.

I'm taking yet another break from it all. Not having a good time at the moment. I was sent a load of obscene photos last night by someone I thought seemed like a gentleman. Today is the ex from last year's birthday and I'm gutted I'm not around to help him celebrate like I was last year.
I changed my photos and my profile wording and I still can't get any messages or anyone to reply to my messages. I don't know what else to do, so I've deleted everything and I'm just going to do things for myself now. Once you pass 50 no one is interested anymore, even the 50+ year olds.

Locotion, I didn't realise you had only known each other a week.
Be careful not to get too invested so soon and cause it to burn out too quickly.
I do hope though that it does go the way you would like it to.

I think Tom's advice of letting things unfold slowly is good loco and I'll be taking that two. Going for lunch today with my iron, I'll call him Mr Plane. So far, so good but far too soon to think of anything. He works away during the week, not sure how that'll work as I'm used to weekday coffees etc as well as longer weekend dates.

Good luck vet, hope you enjoy your date.

And sorry to hear you are feeling so low runs - it does hit you like that sometimes but, if it's any comfort, I don't think it's an age thing, it's just a state of mind after a run of poor encounters with some douchebags. Take some time out for yourself, but keep checking in here - at least you know you won't get any cock shots from us!