Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
   
2. Develop a thick skin.
   
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
   
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
   
5. Trust your gut instinct.
   
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
   
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
   
8. If it's not fun, stop.
   
9. Loo update is mandatory.
   

10. No dating the thread

[esk1mo]

pudding thank you, glad there are others like me. im not one to lay my cards on the table, but i realised i dont ever text him first, compliment etc. he must be thinking do i even like him

locotion what happened? are you ok?

[Thenewphaseofmylife]

Hello. I'm new!

3 weeks into OND and have struck up a text convo with MrA. We had arranged to meet up in Wednesday but he cancelled - said work has come up. So although I'm pretty sceptical I've given him the benefit of the doubt. But can't get him to agree or suggest another time.

I'm not doing the sex talk, so as a man what is he getting out of a bit of banter and chit chat?

[pudding21]

esk1mo I only do if I really like them and its something I like about them if I really feel it, because I have a fear of giving off the wrong impression and that I am too keen. Where as I compliment all my friends a lot, and message them first. I think the key is not to overthink it, so if you want to text him, text him. He is texting you so he must be keen? Remember it can be quite fascinating or boring to get to know someone, if you find yourself genuinely excited I guess that is a good sign. I don't know these "meh" dates......how long do you give them a chance to develop? It sure is a bit of a puzzle to me, but I tell myself I will try just go with the flow. I think mirroring they way someone texts is quite a good tool.

thenew hopefully he is getting to know a new person who might or might not be worth going on a date, or more :) I think it shows a respectful man if they don't launch into the full on sex chat but be a little flirty. See if he comes up with another suggestion to meet. And welcome!

[esk1mo]

pudding i dont really have patience for “meh” dates to be honest, but i have to really see something in someone to even agree to a first date, so ive only ever had one “meh” first date

[ignoringthechoc]

Esk the worst first date I had was great at banter, friend of someone I knew, I had high hopes....then he spent the evening with one eye on the footy in the pub and had nothing to say. Whereas the one I have started seeing was quiet and shy initially and I actually binned him off as boring, but decided to give it another go as we have lots in common and once he was comfortable around me, he was suddenly funny and complimentary, a running buddy and a good listener, so you never can tell :) (and the MB is a bit tantric and slightly addictive!)
Loco don't be hard on yourself, there could be all sorts of reasons it didn't work out, hope you are ok x
Love sounds great that he is keeping in touch even when busy, am guessing he is keen :)
Pud Mr Italian sounds lovely, shame he isn't around much, sounds like it will be fun when he is around though!
I'm hoping most people are out on fun dates not tucked up in bed before their kids like me, but am secretly loving it after a mad week!

[Alison100199]

Reporting in (salutes).

Mr French was lovely and we had a great date. Lots of good conversation and kissing. I wasn't to be drawn into going back to his even though he was a gentleman and offered the spare room. I'm trying to relax and keep other irons going but damn he's sexy.

[TomHardysBitontheside]

Advice needed. I have 4 irons on WhatsApp.

Mr TV - meeting on Weds. He's lovely.
Mr Writer - he's away with work so just the odd message.
Mr Magic - messages about once or twice a week. He messaged on Thursday for the first time in a week and asked me out today. I said no as it's short notice and I couldn't be arsed. I suggested lunch or coffee next week. He's read it but not replied. The intermittent messages are a bit of a red flag to me. Plus no profile photo on WhatsApp, which I think is also a bit odd.
Mr Vegan - not sure he's my type at all. A bit sleazy too - talked about slapping his arse teasingly in one of his first messages. Also badgering to meet up and I keep saying no.

Do I just bin off Mr Vegan and Mr Magic? I don't really feel like meeting either. Their conversation isn't that interesting. I guess I should politely decline both or would you just simply block them?

[TomHardysBitontheside]

Mr French sounds very nice Alison and quite a gentleman too. Any plans to see each other again yet?

[Lovemusic33]

Well I don’t think Mr Camera is keen, he’s online on POF and has hardly bothered to message me (no message this morning). I will send him a message just before he gets on his flight. I hate this bit after a first date, I don’t want to sound too keen in case he isn’t keen, maybe he’s doing the same or maybe he just isn’t keen at all. I never know if o should carry on dating other people, I know I probably should but I find it hard to put the energy into dating others when I’m thinking about someone else. I had a message from someone who looks nice this morning but I don’t know if I should reply. I might just hide my profile as I can’t really fit dates in over the next few weeks due to Easter and going on holiday.

[pudding21]

tom I would! Mr vegan doenst sound that nice!

alison squeals!!!! H will be gagging for it as you didnt go back to his, well done on resisting.

ignoring don't hide your profile and leave mr câmara to it. Don't message him more unless he does. He might jut be busy, got much planned for the weekend?

Happy weekend everyone I've a full on weekend with the kids!

[RunsforCake14]

TomHardy I would politely decline the ones you're not interested in.
Love you've had one date and it's early in the morning. Mr Camera is either asleep or busy. Does it really matter if he doesn't send a message first thing in the morning so long as he keeps in touch? Just send him a message later. I'm sure it will be fine. Maybe he doesn't want to seem to keen

[BeenThereDating]

Tom well done for finding so many irons! Mr Magic's probably multi-messaging so gets distracted but you don't seem to be at the top of the pile. If you're not that fussed then either say you're not feeling the dating vibe or just fade out by not replying. I don't think I'd block on WhatsApp unless he was abusive. I just checked my Whatsapp contacts and about a third have no pic. Me included. Given that WhatsApp is only for people who have your number I'm not sure that having a photo or not indicates anything. As for Mr Vegan no! Bin him off.

[Lovemusic33]

Runs he’s showing as ‘online’ on POF so not asleep. I have sent him a message saying ‘hope you have a great time’, it’s been delivered to WhatsApp but he hasn’t read it. Before the date we were messaging a lot. Been here many times before. Will try and take my mind off of it with other possible irons and other things.

[RunsforCake14]

Date 3 with Mr Eyes was a bit hit & miss. He picked me up & in the 20min drive his phone pinged with 4 POF messages. Rest of date was nice but quite a few silences were we couldn't work out what to say. He asked why my profile was hidden and I said because it was date 3 with him and I possibly had a date with someone else later in the week so I wasn't comfortable talking to anyone else at the moment.
He said he had no more dates lined up but was talking to quite a few women but some were too far away. I got the impression he chats with anyone who sends a message.
He drove me home and I invited him in but made it clear that sex wasn't an option. He declined saying it wasn't right as he was talking to other women but then changed his mind. There was a bit of talking and a fair bit of snogging before he said he'd better leave before he got carried away.
After he went I did a bit of stalkery and sure enough 15mins after leaving me he was online on POF. Still deciding if I want to see him again. The chemistry is there but it doesn't feel nice to have someone in your house who was clearly keen to get naked with you then is straightway checking in with other women.

[TomHardysBitontheside]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Mr Vegan is being binned. And I’ll just let Mr Magic fade away.

Love I would just leave Mr Camera alone now. In the past I’ve been terrible for chasing people and for reassurance. I don’t do that now. If he is interested he will message you. As others say, he might just be busy. And I’d definitely talk to others. I dated someone last year and he ended it. I was devastated and thought I’d never meet anyone as perfect as him. I haven’t yet many anyone who quite matches up, but I have met people whose company I have enjoyed and who have pleasantly surprised me.

[Lovemusic33]

Your right Tom I just feel disappointed as he seemed really nice (unlike most of my dates), thought the date went well but maybe I was wrong. He’s online on WhatsApp and POF but is not reading my message so I will just leave it. I don’t usually chase at all, just felt different about this one, I won’t message him again unless he messages me.

[TomHardysBitontheside]

love I know exactly how you are feeling. It’s really hard, especially as the more distant they become the more you want them. Have you read Why Men Love Bitches? It really is a great read and certainly helped me put things into perspective. Also, it is early days. Maybe after he’s been away he might realise he misses you. But do keep talking to others. I was getting really disheartened after so many poor conversations. I went to Bumble to delete my account and take a break and found out I’d been matched with Mr TV. He’s the loveliest person I’ve spoken to for a long time. So, my point is, give others a chance. You never know who you might find.

[TomHardysBitontheside]

runs maybe you should just be honest with him? Explain that you’d to become exclusive now that you’re seeing each other regularly. If he really liked you he will do that.
I dated someone last year. He was talking to 4 other women at first. He also said that for various reasons he’d not see any of them. After date 3 we decided to become GF/BF and mutually agreed to leave GSM, where we met.

[Lovemusic33]

Thanks Tom I will look at that book (sounds good). I think I’m more fed up because this is the 2nd one in a week, though the last one never text me at all after our date and the date wasn’t that great. Starting to feel like there’s something about me men don’t like. I have hidden my POF profile as I already have several irons and not much time to date. I will take a bit of a break from it.

[BeenThereDating]

Runs I'd be more worried about the silences in the conversation at this point. Setting aside the POF thing would that not put you off if on date 3 you've got awkward silences? I'd bail for that reason alone.

[FalconHeavy]

Love I tell myself that if someone wanted to contact me, they would. It can be a painful feeling but it's true.

WMLB is a great book. It helps me to stop me from overinvesting.

[RunsforCake14]

Been the silences did feel a bit awkward but then the conversation would get going again and we would have a good laugh. We like quite different things but there is a bit of a crossover so I wondered if it might feel more relaxed once we knew each other better. Not great but I wasn't going to write him off just for that.
I'm just going to wait and see if he gets in touch. I won't be upset if I don't see him again

[Alison100199]

It's really hard love. You are right to resist the temptation to message and just sit back and see if he comes back to you. I was driven crazy by this with my last one and it definitely helped just getting out there and having other irons.

Runs I would also worry about the silences. Do you have enough in common?

Mr French and I didn't organise another date but he mentioned places he'd like to take me so I'm chilling over this and am going to let him do the running.

I was meant to be heading over to a FWB tonight but it depends what the weather does. Annoying as I need the distraction today.

[ignoringthechoc]

Years ago when I was dating before I got married, I would sometimes make arrangements to see someone (at a pub/ club wherever) the following week and not even exchange numbers (I did have a mobile back then...just! :) ) Anyway during that week I might think about them once or twice but for the most part just got on with my life, compare that with today when the option is there to see if they are on pof/ whatsapp etc, have read message/ blocked it's an absolute mindf*ck, if that had been the case back in the day I probably would have second guessed myself a million times during the week according to their actions and maybe not turned up, or turned up but been pissed off
I was completely different when I started OLD but now do no stalking at all, refuse to chase anyone and try and remember that what will be will be, some of this change in mindset has come from reading this thread and reminding myself that I am the prize, I might take a look at WMLB but have a feeling I may already be one!

[Mumfun]

Ignoring I agree. I try to be relaxed about it all but those gaps between dates are hard.

Love It is hard but you have shown interest but I wouldn't chase any more. Not sure what hes doing but if skiiing can be very full on and you kind of move into that world and leave all behind.

Smeaton Thats a shocker and you couldn't make it up. Hope you can meet someone Smeaton worthy soon

Kins Glad you have the situation sussed but yes I could probably survive a few weeks of good DTD before letting the relationship go

Vix You made me laugh. A lot of good young 'uns' Don't know why you and Vet seem to find the mid 30s group harder finding guys your own age

Runs I would be put off by the silences too but only you knows how the humour makes up

Bloody Funny enough I have no tolerance for age lying unless the guy does it like I've seen where he puts himself down as 49 but then says clearly in his writeup that hes 54 but wanted to be included in the 40s age group so put his age as 49. I find that acceptable. I do find some guys are a bit clueless re their height and the guy I saw for several months recently was actually an inch or two taller than stated.

Pudding you have an entertaining dating life -glad you had a great date but sounds tricky long term

*Alison Glad to hear about good dates and yes I think waiting can be a positive move long term

Locotion Sorry so painful come back if you can and say what happened

Ginny sending you good vibes for a productive weekends swiping

Tom Glad you binned vegan - I would be more tolerant of Mr Magic if you felt good reasons for silences. My date this week is very busy so sometimes doesn't message for 3 days at a time. It kind of fits with his laid back personality.

So I had a very good date this week - no name yet. Exceptionally lovely guy. Loads in common. Very attractive. Not as funny as I would expect but he said he was very nervous. Said how he absolutely hates OLD and it isnt him at all. Said I was only person he contacted so far. Then saw he changed his photo yesterday . Said he wants to meet up again. He hasnt contacted me since but that's what hes always been like. I sent him a message saying I enjoyed it. Will wait to see what he says and will chill. Have another promising RL iron so will just chill overall as I cant seem to get too worked up about it all at the moment. Enjoying being in the warmth ,assuming the position (cuddling cat on sofa) and watching the snow fall outside