Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Thanks mumfun & esk1mo
I was gutted last night as I felt a bit rejected but it just wasnt meant to be, for whatever reason. Moving on now :)

A non OLD man has come back out the woodwork. Went badly previouasly but I think we know each other a little better now so keen to have some fun with someone I fancy.

And on a more serious level there is a nice man on a marital site I am on who is perfect on paper. He may not be the one but its nice to know that potentially perfect candidates exist. By perfect I mean suitable age/background/cultural interest/location/has kids etc.

Now lookong forward to reading all other messages and replying to others !!

locotion be gentle with yourself.

Well, my date has fallen asleep in bed already!! Wtf? OK, he is a 5th date but I'm raring to go. Yeah we are 50 but!!!! What do I do?

Bant she sounds like hard work

I am new to OLD and have been chatting to this guy regularly all week. We did seem to be getting on well. He has said that he has been in bed with flu all week and has been complaining how ill he is. I have been sympathetic but, this morning again he said that he felt ill.. I didn’t respond as I have been out (I have checked What’s App and the dating website a couple of times - which he picked up on) Tonight he sent a message wishing me ‘all the best’ and at he ‘hopes that I find what I am looking for’.

What happened there? I was starting to think that he was stringing me along. I was going to suggest a coffee once he was better...??? I am a bit disappointed... shall I just let it go....

Been Mr Hat isn't an option anymore. I found out some things about him that were not very good. So I had to tell him no thanks. At least I had an amazing first date.

I rejoined Tinder last night and got a few matches who probably won't message. Plus I found the ex from last year on there. The one who's been very public about his new girlfriend.

I would donatello . You are only at the messaging stage and he's already done the insecure, you're obviously looking for someone else, routine. You haven't even met. You owe him nothing and certainly don't have to reply to his messages within his own dictated time frame.
Bullet dodged. Next.....

third did you wake him up?
dona he sounds like he wants a nurse maid - if you want message him and say when you feel better we can have coffee and leave it at that, not sure that I would though.
runs people like MrHat is what I need to avoid.

Ive hid my profile on pof for now, lets see where the irons take me.
MrC messaged and another one. Might reply later, will see how todays date goes... if he shows up. Thats another scary thing isnt it? All the 'what ifs'

Donatello its dating 101 I'm afraid. Don't get over-invested, especially at the chatting, early dates stage. People message then fade out or they keep you on the back burner and dip in and out with a couple of lazy one liners to keep you interested. There's also a huge number of excuses that people are happy to use when they're hiding behind the anonymity of a computer and don't have to look you in the eye right down to emergency hospital admissions. Remember that he's just a stranger writing the story he wants you to read I'll lay you 10-1 he didn't have flu, probably a bit off colour but dating others.

Don that has happened to me a few times, the last person that did it turned out to have serious mental health issues, if I didn’t reply to his messages he would say ‘obviously your not interested, good luck...etc...etc..’ and he was always ill with something, in the end I told him that he wasn’t what I was looking for and I didn’t think he was ready for dating.

Runs that's a shame - at least you found out when backing out was easy. It's a good job you kept on with the iron-hunting.

And as for last year's ex .

Don- that would be a flag for me. You don't need that kind of insecure behaviour so early on. Remember - you are the prize, never settle for less than what you deserve. And you deserve to meet a guy who behaves a bit more grown up than that.

Chalk him up to experience and invest your time elsewhere 🙃🌠

Third you have to tell us what happened last night? Did you leave him to sleep? I would not have been happy and probably would have suggested he went home if he was so tired!
Don playing devils advocate but maybe he thought as you were online/ on dating site during the day you had time to reply had you wanted to, and the last message was just a polite 'I'm still here but going now if you are not interested'? Having said that I'm rubbish when people are ill and would have been irritated with a week of moaning so wouldn't have replied anyway but that's just me.
Runs hope you feel better about mr last year now, lucky escape I reckon.
Love are you still planning to take a break for a bit? It's always harder on a boring sunday (when you are snowed in again!) to stay away from the sites so stay on this site/ thread instead or keep busy in real life as I definitely think it gets too much sometimes.
Welcome to the new ones SmokedGlass I haven't used Elite but general consensus seems to be more traffic on POF and many people on free sites as well as paid, so maybe try free sites first and see if its for you before spending?
Bant I'm going to go against the grain here and say she seems pretty interesting and I think you should meet. You are well travelled to aren't you so common ground? She has done a lot but maybe she is ready to calm down a bit? I would be intrigued to meet someone so motivated and at the risk of feeling inadequate :) would definitely go on the basis that it should be an interesting conversation. Let us know what you decide.
Jax is it today you meet Mr Nice (makes me think of Howard Marks ) Good luck, have fun x
Pud did you meet Mr FO? :) if so we need an update, is this one a surfer/free-runner, generally ripped young man? (yes I'm a bit jealous!)
Nelumbo It's tough having kids 24/7, I'm a widow so know where you are coming from, although mine are a bit older now so can be left a bit, although booking the odd day off work or arranging to leave early is sometimes fun :)
Have a nice Sunday everyone, I have a dog walk in the snow planned :)

Sorry will leave spaces next time I write an essay!

bant I'd meet her too and find out her story. I've got a few different careers/hobbies under my belt, have lived abroad including in a 3rd world country. I am probably the most settled, somebody person you're likely to meet now! I settled down in my late 30's and have no desire to be reckless now but I like to think all of my experiences make me the person that I am now.
I'd definitely not write her off at this stage. She's got to be worth a date if you like her.

Oh can I join? Never seen this before.

I get to make up names! So I have MrLondon who I will meet Tuesday for the 3rd time who is a hook up, but likes to chat every now and then. He moved there with work and I don't think he's made many friends yet. Had a conversation yesterday when he realised I had kids. Thought he was going to ghost at first but misread him. We will see Tuesday, but it won't go anywhere as he is child free and younger.

And Mrunavailable who I have some serious question marks over and should probably be cautious. We message every day, have done for a couple of months but only found time to meet once... I enjoy our messages but, no one can be that busy?

Yes I did wake him up! We DTD but it wasn't that great. I only see him once a week. He acts like we are in a relationship but I can't see it going anywhere at this rate. I don't want to have the 'conversation' with him so think I'll just quietly withdraw.

Welcome Silver. Your MrUnavailable sounds like my MrFit. Only met once, keeps messaging, hints at meeting again but nothing comes of it. I stopped responding to his msgs - went on for 6 mths! Lol. You live and learn.

I'm new to this but have been following the thread. I'm currently on POF which so far has been rubbish with just much older men messaging me. I've changed my profile to be more specific so hopefully that will help if men actually read it. I'm also on Tinder which seems OK. Has anybody else had luck with these sites?

So the weekend has been interesting...

Diner with Mr Local on Friday - he’s great company and very interesting but there’s just no spark on a physical level for me, so will have to let him down gently, hopefully I’ve made a good friend though.

Mr Normal postponed our date on Saturday but we have rescheduled for Wednesday so fingers crossed!

Then there’s Mr Weird, wants to be exclusive long before we’ve even met in person so he’s gone. And a new iron, so new he doesn’t have a name yet, but chatting a bit so will see how that progresses.

Spotted the ex on Tinder again yesterday - made me a bit sad but definitely a lucky escape there, onwards and upwards!

ignor yes, taking a break though I’m still talking to a couple irons, one wanted to meet today but due to snow and the kids not being able to go to their dads I am stuck in. I’m keeping busy doing housework and watching rubbish day time tv , I haven’t caved in and logged into any OLD sites yet.

BHD I have met some lovely people from pof, (I'm early forties for context)only translated into proper dating with 2, one that I ended as I couldn't handle his situation (busy, small kids etc) but still friends and one who I am currently seeing. Have had many just drinks dates in between but no spark generally. My one experience with Tinder wasn't great, DTD after 4 dates then ghosted, but that was early on before I found this thread and I like to think I wouldn't be as naïve now :)
Follow the thread rules and ask on here for advice and you won't go far wrong as others help you spot red flags.

Ha ha like the sound of the Club house Smeaton can you show me where the staircase is?