Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

anitt you speak sense, thank you im going to have this week to myself and figure things out.

ive been working alot and lacking on self love & self care, maybe a day of face/hair mask and gym tomorrow will give me
some renewed energy and clarity.

not sure why my posts decide to split sentences down the middle!

Of course, cover - he stands a strong chance of screwing things up. But people screw things up all the time. We don't always act in our own self interest, sometimes we bumble along through life, occasionally fucking things up here, inadvertently pissing that person off, blithely and unknowingly, upsetting someone over here, all the while making short term decisions which are not to our benefit.

I'm surprised we evolved far enough to invent the wheel, to be honest.

That's not to say that people self sabotage all the time, some people are probably more in tune with their own self interest. Some people are actively malicious or just don't give a toss about others. Some people are wonderful people who go out of their way to make life better for others. But everyone can screw up or be uncertain. That's why life is so bloody complicated.

Back with my usual name, don't need to be reminded of that pillock.

One of my first dates online was with a guy who backed right off after DTD, standard behaviour I realise now, but it stung. He got back in touch a few months later to say he was scared off being in a relationship but regretted not telling me how he felt because he lost me. So on one hand I agree with bant but when we tried again he did the exact same thing, even down to contacting me a few months later to say the same thing. Needless to say he didn't get the chance to do it a third time. Still in contact with me telling me how he regrets everything and angling for another chance. Not bloody likely.

Any response yet minnie? I hate it when you promise yourself you aren't going to be the one to text first then you break it; I do it all the time.

I'm with you at the moment love, think I need a break. The last guy seems to have caused me to lose all faith in ever finding a decent man.

Know you need to be in the game, but I do need to be in the right place or I'll never get past Go.

So then ladies...gents.....

I found out that the guy I was meant to be meeting this Friday, and who I have already met for a coffee date. Is married. With a child. Fed me all sorts of shit, really pushed to book a hotel on Friday night aftet dinner - I said no. Just dinner.

He was like the king of red flag land and some more, and I had this gut feeling you know - and I ignored it.

weirdly, i found this out through a guy who I met through Match but we are very good friends now and I mentioned his name and he was like, we have been best friends for years...... he's a player and I don't want you to.get hurt.

Happy for the lesson, it has required wine tonight but do you know what...... opened my eyes.

If you have a gut feeling, roll with it and LISTEN to that feeling as 99.9% of the time it will be absolutley right.

Lesson learnt, swerved a painful lesson and it would have set me back months!

Be careful!

Vixen what a sh*t he is!! You had a lucky escape. Hope you're ok.

Sorry vixen - that's shit for you. Better that you found out now rather than later but still..

Yesss! I am thankful for the lesson and tomorrow I will be like Hs who? But kind of want to send a warning out to other ladies so they aren't caught in the same trap.....!

What a f?g douche! His wife deserves better. Well, You know what they say - karma is a bitch and it is coming for him tenfold.

Just be careful out there, trust your gut instinct and rely on that. We ignore it too much and it is our first indicator that something is not quite right.

Ignore at your peril!

Needless to say, this has put me off a bit to say the least.......

Just remember ladies, "I am the prize", don't let a guy push you into a corner of make you do something you at uncomfortable with!

Xxx

So sorry to hear that vixen.
You are right about listening to your gut; that's something I need to take heed of.

I identify the red flags often enough but struggle to do anything about them, I tend to just bumble on through until the whole damn flag pole falls on me and I'm left reeling.

Ah that's crap Vixen what a coincidence to be talking to his friend though? I often wonder how many people know each other/ cross paths when on dating sites.
I had a look at the testimonials on pof which seemed a good idea in theory but they are not used any more and not sure you could trust them anyway.
I do prefer to see the best in people though, despite all these stories of shitbags :) ( I know, I'm a deluded fool!)

Vixen that's shit and you are right we should listen to our guy. Mine is telling me MrUnavaialble may be less separated than he says so maybe I'll take a lesson from you.

I'm currently waiting for MrLondon who is a hook up. He wanted suspenders so I thought why not.

They are HARD to get on, I can't breathe and I'm pretty sure the back one just twanged off as I crossed my legs. Carefully as I could work out how to wear pants and am in a bar waiting.

So this is going to go well 😂

Enjoy and stay safe Glen

Hmmmm good point no one knows where I am!

can you text a friend the details and arrange a call in a bit silver? x

Glen I did that first night with ex FWB. I wasn't used to wearing them took me ages to get them clipped in, then they kept rolling down. I wish I hadnt bothered and he didn't even notice, we were naked in record time. Enjoy ;)

But text someone where you are ;)

ok so this guy is not for me but I did appreciate his profile, here is a snippet...
"If your into jujitsu, taekwondo, or kickboxing forget it! don't want to be coming home late from the pub to that!!! Not looking for friends with benefits either!!! i have 2 mates on job seekers allowance"
and it carried on in the same vein, ending with a story about an old lady called hilda?!! See pof does have its moments :)
Pud are you still tempted by the 25yo or are you back in the grip of Mr A?

I've had a busy tinder day today

Exhibit one: Mr25 from yesterday I am a little bit in love with. He is very funny, cheeky and quick witted. And ripped. But doens't take himself seriously. He's in the lead.

Exhibit 2: Mr Also25, quite honestly THE most beautiful man I have seen on tinder this far. Did I say he was 25? Polite, intellectual and a tiny bit cheeky. Very very stylish.

Exhibit 3: Mr Have I Seen You Before: I remember this dudes face, gorgeous. But I couldn't quite remember if we chatted or not. We did apparently then it just died off and we are quite far from one another. I have had so many like this, start off with promise then it just dwindles nicely.

Mr Italian: he's been fairly quiet today but he is back in Italy and working.

So top 2 are 14 years younger than me, but YOLO right??

ignoring see above ;)

Sometimes I see profiles and I think its so bad it must be a joke. Sometimes I am not so sure so avoid those ones!

cross post!

So just before I go to sleep I see a big (bigger than a 10p piece)spider walk across the end of my duvet, I really hope he doesn't go in my mouth while I'm asleep

Wow pudding - I'm so envious! Can't say I've ever seen anyone OLD I'd classify as gorgeous. Not that I could keep up with a 25yo anyway, feel tired just thinking about it.

Popcorn: I'll pm you ;)

Yes please!

Boy do you lot have busy lives lol!! I've had a crazy week at work with a night out on sat that was weird in that when I'm out no one other than who I'm with talks to me, there were a couple of single lads around who I tried to engage but they were too busy chasing the attached girls 10+ yrs younger than them who showed zero interest who I was out with - so much so that I felt I had to protect them and tell a couple of predators to back off - yet on pof, I get a lot of attention and have very recent photos, past dates have said I look like photos - so how come I get attention and lots of date offers on prof but sod all in RL?? I do think I give off a do not approach vibe even though I don't mean to 😖
smeaton that's an awesome idea - I'll invest - you can find me on the dance floor throwing shapes to Candi Staton - love the cocktails, is it 2-4-1?? As for profile ill click on - clear photos and witty but not too try hard intro, interests other than gym, football, reading - I want to know we'd have something to talk about even if that be marmite or favourite biscuit
gamechanger my experience of love bombing has come from those who have dated and do/say what they think we want to hear from experience - Mr C doesn't sound like he's been around the block enough to know that so I would be inclined to believe he is genuinely in to you - lovebombers/futurefakers keep you at arms distance to their life so the fact you've been introduced to family is a positive sign - if you are both happy with the way things are going then go for it and baggsy a spot on the smitten bench 😁
popcorn their loss - get your list of tick boxes, dealbreakers, red flags and what you will/wont accept on each date etc... so you don't get pulled into further ff/lb's clutches and remember you are the prize so you do not audition for a role in their nonsense - easier said than done though I know!! Just read your update - that made me chuckle - how dare you want to climax!!! Dodged a bullet there!!!
bant sooooooo many self absorbed people out there - can you imagine if they dated each other? Better off dating a mirror lol - it's bloody hard work when you're a gregarious person who is interested in others,.I'm not at all narcissistic but please try and get to know what makes me tick
panne having a job that isn't standard Mon-Fri 9-5 plus kids means I do sometimes go awol for a few days at a time - add in that I lost my phone so all whatsapp msgs and texts have now been unanswered for 48 hrs - I'm very much of the school that they will get in touch if there's enough there - just hope the couple of irons I was messaging will be around tomorrow when. I get my phone replaced - and if they're not fuckem!!
skyrabbit oh I love the multiple copy and pastes - I think I had a record of 7 duplicate messages from one bloke over a period of 3mths and I had to reply just so he could see how many times he'd prev messaged (think on pof if you message on the meet me it looks like a new msg and doesn't show prev)
ignoring awwwwwwwww so sorry for you loss - I'm sat with my 10yr old choc lab snoring at my feet and when OLD throws me lemons at least I've got her who's happy to see me - hugs x
kinuir is all ok? Have you been seeing miss keen?
cover wow he is young there - not sure if I prefer the botoxed iron man or when he was in Ally McNeal
vixen I rely heavily on my gut instinct in my job so I wholeheartedly back the 'trust your guy's campaign - always wondered if men had as strong an instinct???? Smeaton bang kin ??? Love my spidey senses - though they have been thoroughly bamboozled, blindsided and downright not in the same building at various times - they've mostly come through for me 😁😀
Bloody Nora it's took me 3 hrs to catch up and a whole bottle of wine and I've not even got to my date news!! See above for Saturday's efforts - Sunday after the hang over from bell and very little sleep I was really tempted to rain check my date/catch up with Mr CherryPicker but as he's an old friend who I've not seen in 27 🙈 years and I had no idea if it was a date or just a catch up. He made an effort so I was glad I had, we were both nervous but soon talking about way back when we were very good friends (knew him aged 15-19 and lost my cherry to him in a mutually beneficial but not romantically involved exchange - he was gorgeous, I was 17 and not gorgeous and didn't have a clue what to do so was v pleased he showed me the ropes - wasn't awkward and was rather lovely and something I've occasionally thought of wistfully) few glasses of wine later and he introduced me to a few friends he walked me to the taxi rank and we had a cuddle and kiss - feels very different as I know him and we know each others difficult backgrounds but should you ever visit your past?????
Sorry for the essay 😖

oh pudding . please can I have a look at your young things?