I have decided to end my relationship - help me see this through

[Thisisanewbeginning]

So I am 42, due to be married this July. I have finally made the decision to end my relationship.

‘D’P is I believe a master at coercive control and emotional manipulation. He has anger issues and has never been violent to me. But he has kicked objects etc.

He belittles me, sulks, is demanding food r attention. Does nothing at home (and it’s all my fault).

Conversely he can be funny, affectionate, life and soul of a party, and ‘normal’.

I feel like I am on a wheel and I never know who I’m coming home to. Since we had a joint account (which we both put money into) I get grilled about what I’ve spent. I get accused of being reckless with money (it’s usually food). He has asked repeatedly about having my salary transferred into this account and he controls all of the money. This is because I can’t be trusted.

He wants to live a lifestyle beyond our means and we are scrimping to afford it. I have a mental health problem (depression or possibly bipolar) and I’m due for my first consultation appointment next month. I’m also in counselling.

I am not happy but I feel incredibly guilty. I own the house, car etc. I will be leaving him with nothing. He will not understand and this will be a bolt out of the blue.

I need a handhold over the next few weeks. Sorry for the essay!

beautiful

Beautiful indeed, on all counts lass

Fabulous tattoo, I love it

Lovely! Our girl's flying free!

Gorgeous. Go fly!

I am! Ex has been blocked for over a week now. I came home to a hand delivered envelope and a letter. Same old boring excuses and promises. It’s in the bin.

Also saw his ex wife yesterday and she told me at the end of their relationship he had pulled a shotgun on her and their (at the time 18 month old) son! He threatened to kill them all. So I feel quite shaken but relieved that I am free. Free of his poisonous presence in my life.

Another

Oh my life that's scary stuff

Your tattoo is fab

He had a shotgun license thank fuck I never let him buy a gun.

He hasn’t seen his son since we split up. What a shocking example of a parent.

I cannot put into words how I have changed in such a short time. I smile, I laugh (lots), I enjoy life. I’ve grabbed every invite and reconnected with my friends and made a few new ones.

I feel like me again. I will never, ever be anything but me for anything or anyone. If you don’t like me that is not my problem. Because I am awesome

If anyone reads this and recognises their relationship in this post the only thing I will say is this. There is only one person stopping you from being free. Look in the mirror and you will see them. The handcuffs are fear. And they are your enemy. You can do this. But don’t do it alone.

You are awesome!

You go girl!

It's so good to see the change in you! I can't believe he's still begging 😂

Has the furniture gone yet?

The furniture is still here. I’ve opened the dresser and it’s full of his mums stuff. There is Coalport, willow pattern, glass etc. I’m going to wash it and take it down the the local antiques centre and see if it’s worth anything.

He thinks the furniture has gone though.

Well done!

Bonus!

Urggh. The mother's stuff makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, actually. I know morally and practically he has abandoned the stuff and has knowingly let you get rid of it, so he has absolutely no claim or right to any of it. But presumably this is all he has of his inheritance from her? Does it hold any emotional value to him?

Would it be wrong to suggest getting somebody else (or parcel force) to leave a cardboard box of the willow pattern on his uncle's/mates/ next door neighbour's doorstep? So he gets the smaller items that he has probably forgotten about back?

I'm not suggesting he deserves any kindness or god forbid contact from you. But would you feel better in the long run if you gave him access to his mum's stuff?

He told me straight he doesn’t want it so rather than chuck it I’ll take it to the antiques shop. Her half finished knitting is still in there. It’s a bit creepy tbh

HIs Mother's half-finished knitting?

The gun stunt with his ex?

I'm even happier for you now!!!

His mum's knitting?

He knows what's there and is basically getting you to do his job for him. Absolutely fair enough to dispose as you see fit then. If the antiques shop don't want it what about a car boot sale? Or have a Greek meal with plate smashing ceremony

I would probably send any money to his son or maybe talk to his ex wife?

If you manage to sell them, that is.

Have you got it in writing that he doesn't want it?

You could gift it to his son