I have decided to end my relationship - help me see this through

[Thisisanewbeginning]

So I am 42, due to be married this July. I have finally made the decision to end my relationship.

‘D’P is I believe a master at coercive control and emotional manipulation. He has anger issues and has never been violent to me. But he has kicked objects etc.

He belittles me, sulks, is demanding food r attention. Does nothing at home (and it’s all my fault).

Conversely he can be funny, affectionate, life and soul of a party, and ‘normal’.

I feel like I am on a wheel and I never know who I’m coming home to. Since we had a joint account (which we both put money into) I get grilled about what I’ve spent. I get accused of being reckless with money (it’s usually food). He has asked repeatedly about having my salary transferred into this account and he controls all of the money. This is because I can’t be trusted.

He wants to live a lifestyle beyond our means and we are scrimping to afford it. I have a mental health problem (depression or possibly bipolar) and I’m due for my first consultation appointment next month. I’m also in counselling.

I am not happy but I feel incredibly guilty. I own the house, car etc. I will be leaving him with nothing. He will not understand and this will be a bolt out of the blue.

I need a handhold over the next few weeks. Sorry for the essay!

I know it was the right decision. They’ve promised to let me know how he settles tonight. I’m so proud of him and I’m happy he is going to have such a fantastic life.

I felt incredibly guilty and angry at ex for promising the earth when he insisted on a dog and doing fuck all with him.

I’ve done the right thing, for him, for me, for my cats and for my little dog. She can now eat a bone, her dinner have cuddles etc without having to fight for attention! She gets on well with the cats and after a good run twice a day is happy licking feet!

It's sad but the dog will at least reach its full potential. You cried over the dog and not the toss pot, says it all 😂

It does sparkle I wasted enough tears and years on him. He doesn’t deserve anymore of my emotional time.

Well done to your beautiful dog.

Jobs for this week -

Check council tax reduction has been processed
Take pictures of furniture and arrange a charity collection
Take last 3 bin bags and a box of stuff to his aunties (don’t care if she doesn’t want it)
Clean everywhere thoroughly
Maybe arrange a glass of wine with a friend (s)

My Teddy

Oh and that’s the dining room floor I ripped up! Have now cleaned 3 tiles. Only a few hundred to go

Beautiful dog. You have done right by him.

Well done for everything you have achieved

I can see how giving him up will have broken your heart. But you have done the right thing by him, better he's rehomed and getting his huge spaniel brain used than you trying to keep him and him getting bored and frustrated.

But I feel for you. Just looking at my terrier and sniffing at the thought of ever having to give her up (although if she doesn't stop bloody barking at the dog down the lane...)

Aww what a beautiful boy. Also you have to delete and block his number, his constant messaging you is not doing you any good.

You've done brilliantly! 👏

Your tears for your lovely doggie are inevitable, but as you know it was the right thing to do for him and the other animals, as well as for you.

Hilarious that he thinks you might want to help fix him, what a pathetic specimen he really is.

Please add one more thing to your .'to do' list: Block ex on phone, email, texts and especially whatsapp (do not let him keep an eye on you on Whatsapp )

It is time. Cut. Him. Off.

Enjoy your freedom!

OP I feel like you're not responding to any of us saying block the wanker......

Well. Just read the whole thread during looonnng car journey.

You are a mega star ⭐️

I recall leaving my EA Ex (actually fled during the night). When he got wind I was detaching he said he knew I wanted to end the relationship but would I do him one last thing? Would I.....brace yourselves.... have a baby with him

Needless to say I didn't.

I also recall the moment I realised he was highly EA, it was like being hit by a juggernaut and I felt angry with him for manipulating me, angry with myself for falling for it but most of all I felt strength and determination to get "me" back.

Feels bloody amazing doesn't it?

Good luck for your sunny future

Well done to your boy! And we'll done to you for letting him go!

Hi sorry I’m not ignoring the block messages. I’ve been busy all day.

I’m not going to block until after the travel agent money clears.

I’ve had no messages since yesterday.

Oh POP what is the matter with them? They think women are so baby mad that the prospect of them offering to have one will make us blind to there faults!!

Oh what a beautiful hound, so brave op

You've done a selfless thing for your beautiful dog. Good for you. I have also cried over the ex-dog and not the ex-stupid-man.

Sweet doggie, I can see why you didn't want to give him up, but what a wonderful opportunity you have opened up for him, well done you!

I’ve heard from his new owner. He has settled in really well and eaten a chicken dinner. They are going to keep me updated with videos, pictures and messages on how his training is going. I feel like I breathe again

That's great, looks you both up for fresh start

I’m sitting here properly blubbing about Ted. It was the right thing to do, but it’s hurts doesn’t it. It’s good he’s gone straight to a new owner and not a training centre. I hope they do keep in touch with you as they’ve said they will. Is he far from you?

As for your EX, Jesus wept, thank fuck you came to your senses before your wedding.

Thisis I haven't posted before, but have followed your story, and wanted to say that you are fricking brilliant.

@MNHQ I feel we need to recognise Thisis and her journey in some way - this thread is a pure education in how to break free from an appalling arse, and a superb antidote to the endless, endless, endless threads by beaten-down women on here unable to break free from total shitebags.

Can we pin this somewhere for ever? I have a sneaking suspicion it may help many people.

How are you OP? I really admire your strength and determination. Loads of power to you

Hi wow thank you for all your support. It’s a beautiful sunny day here!

I am fine, the house is a lot quieter today but in a good way. I’m going to town to sort out furniture collection. Then I’m going to take my little doggie for a tramp through woods.

I do hope this thread has helped people. I honestly didn’t believe I’d ever find the strength to break free. But somehow I did. And as hard as it was it was easier than I’d imagined it would be. The sense of relief is massive. I am sure that without all you lovely MNers I would have wobbled more.

Anyone who feels like I did, who is living the way I was. It isn’t a life, it’s a miserable existence. I’m saving for my butterfly tattoo because I broke free. You can too 💕

Good on you Thisis, onwards and upwards. What a case he was.