The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

Bloody hell ginger, he's such an entitled baby! It's so time for you to change the cycle!

pops off to book psychiatric assessment for dog stealing loser

Never fear, a fresh start is right here

I know. I don't know why I keep going back. When I read it back it's so straightforward. Why would I be with someone who did all those things? And yet I'm expected to be able to forgive and move on effortlessly and if I do struggle to come to terms with it all, it's my menstrual cycle/perimenopause/hormones that are the issue? I mean if that's not enough to make you crazy, I don't know what is?

I've got a counselling assessment coming up. Would you mind if i refer to my posts on this thread, as it's a useful account of what's gone on and I sometimes bury it all so I don't have to think about it? Not your posts, just mine?

Yep. Kids were devastated.
That would be enough for me not to speak for him ever again..

with him

What a good idea to refer to the posts at your counselling session, so you don't minimise or forget how hard it's been. I'm happy for you to do that.

I know @Teensandfuture. Honestly if it weren't for the business side of things, I don't think I ever would've spoken to him again. But we had to meet up to reach an agreement which wasn't a straightforward task (still isn't) and then he somehow got back under my skin and so here we are.

"only when i read it back i see how low i've got and how little i'm prepared to accept"

yes and no.

Thing is, nice people dont expect this level of wankbadgery (prof counselling term... ;)

So, it blindsides you, and the nature of wankbadgery is that it makes you doubt yourself.

It is NOT you, it's him. Dont waste energy on blaming yourself (after all, he is sooooooooooooo good at it!).

Put your Crown on gal. We are all right beside (and behind) you.xxX

ginger Good for you. It’s lovely when you get under their skin for once!

my I absolutely love the observation upthread NC from the other side - it stings doesn’t it?!
It reminds me that I might be feeling shit but this won’t be without consequences for my NC too, and I have definitely taken control by just cutting him off.
Feeling a bit stronger today - at work, very busy. I love my job and I’m very good at it and it’s quite impressive in some circles. My NC will have to go along way to find someone like me, and someone who loves him like me. His loss and one day he will kick himself for letting me go.

@Ravenscloak yes to every word of that.

Latest in:

You have no idea how much I want to not have to talk about this. How anxious it makes me feel. How much I don't want to upset you

I have simply thanked him for his comments. Interesting that we get to talk about HIM now that I've stopped mentioning his shitty behaviour. He's pulling the 'poor me' stance now.

Yes Ravens - my XP described it as having me “ripped out of his life” but he failed to see that the alternative - keeping in contact, him wanting to meet up (as I thought just as friends) and then taking the piss out of me “I knew I only had to get you here and you’d be all over me” because I kissed him and held his hand - was too confusing for me.

Glad you’re feeling so positive Ravens

What is it with these men??

As you guys must remember I deleted my NC number few days back,after sending him a last parting message,using exact phrase I used before when I stopped contact with him long time ago because he was sporadic in communications with me(not knowing he's married and hence his sporadic contact).
Well hes appearing online random hours as typical, but my message is still unread. Funny he would read all messages from before though. I'm now convinced he is reading WhatsApp messages onscreen, then dismissing them and only goes onto WhatsApp when he has time and place...therefore he has read my parting message , he knows its a tough one and he doesn't want to deal with this therefore not actually "reading it", I appear to him now no pic no timestamp-as if he's blocked.

Strangely enough I'm very calm about it .All good memories of him are now in far away distance and not in my reality, he is a stranger . The pain is gone, but my life has not been filled with happiness YET so I'm kind of in a limbo ...in a vacuum when nothing is happening-either good or bad..

I'm glad @Teensandfuture - it must feel a bit strange no? I wonder if there is an addiction element to all of this for many of us? We become so used to the drama?

Teens, I think you’re right that he’s seen the message and is studiously ignoring it - in fact I’m doing a similar thing with a persistent POF guy who I foolishly allowed to contact me outside of POF. I have had an unread message from him for 3 days - the minute I clicked on it (just to get rid of the notification!) he sent me a friend request so he’s obviously been monitoring it. Bloody social media!

The empty void thing, that’s an interesting way to look at it, get filling that vacuum. I’m using mainly cake

Hi everyone, thanks for new thread Seshi

Oldbrook you stomp away in those boots as loudly as you like. Dance like no one is watching in celebration for cancelling lunch and recognising you need more time.

I had huge highs when he was around so yes , those happy hormones made me feel great, now there is nothing- I'm left on my own with my good on outside life but depressing and lonely on the inside..
His nice flirty message would make a week- I would effortlessly manage work,chores,commitments with a smile on my face but now its a struggle just to feel positive in the morning, knowing its never going to be and there is no one around that could compensate for his absence..

Hi anxious! How are you?

ginger I take my hat off to you, how you have been through this cycle (!) with him so often and not gone completely mad or killed him is impressive. If he sends you anything else how about just not replying? What's his next move when you ignore him?

teens sorry you're struggling. Do you think these feelings will get easier with time and distance from the memories? Are there times in the past when you've managed to get over someone that you can draw on to remind yourself that you can do this?

Hello all, I haven't had chance to properly read all as been having domestic issues galore but just wanted to check in. I still feel pretty much over the nc, passed the 30 day mark now, but don't want to lose you lot and this thread as you've all become as friends now.

teens I hope your son is doing ok now. Sorry if I missed an update. Well done on feeling over the nc, you will slowly fill the void I'm sure.

oldbrook well done on good decision to skip the lunch. If you're not ready then it is for the best.

Will try and catch up on everyone else later but hope everyone is doing ok.