The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

nk do you think he's more able to be messaging you because his girlfriend isn't with him? What is it that confuses you?

Belonger he is in a ldr with his gf so don't think he sees her very often anyway, maybe once a week. So he has a lot of time on his own. Am just confused about his feelings towards me. I feel like he is updating me the way someone would to their gf but obviously I'm not his gf.

Oldbrook I think I need to meet up with him soon enough to see what is going on. It's tricky for me with the kids. Don't think I'm free now until end April/beginning May.

The very best of luck to you Bookangel

Ah no Meow sorry you have to cancel your night out. Nothing worse. Gutting

Oldbrook it's the mixed signals. He leaves me in no doubt that he thinks I am attractive, kind, funny etc and that he regrets messing up years ago. I can't see how he is messaging me for an ego boost because I generally take the piss/don't hero worship him and I've told him explicitly I don't do fwb or ons, so he knows that's not on the cards. And yet he keeps messaging, but we never get too far beyond the jokey posts interspersed with the odd drunken 'I can't stop thinking about you', 'You're lucky not to be with me', 'When I had a near death experience you were one of the first people I thought of' and then a complete retreat back to the jokey texts.

Can you see why I am confused

God Oldbrook your NC is at every social occasion isn't he. It's so tough for you. If you see the other lady outside them gatherings and you're not super close to the men then I'd not go. It's like when you break up with someone, you sometimes lose friendships and it's tough, but it's not possible to continue. I know when word gets out about myself and H I am going to lose some very good mutual friends, that are more his friends. It really saddens me but he needs support too. Can you view it like That? It's like a break up in a way

I'm glad I'm not the only confused one Oldbrook. I know he is a genuine person at the back of it all but I feel he must be confused too and that's why he stepped back. I feel like he was probably happy enough in his relationship and the meeting with me 7 months ago stirred up things for him. I definitely have lots of time on my side and he doesn't hurt me because he never says anything but nice things. I suppose the confusion does stress me out a bit though.

NK just call me harsh and bitter BUT they message because it is a form of control . I have been there - deluged by messages at times and then none at other times. It doesn't matter WHAT you say to them ( ordinary stuff, hero worship, seating ) - it is the fact that you are messaging AT ALL . They are placing themself in your mind ! And yes the "updating " - what he was doing, what he will be doing the next few days - been there and have the T shirt . They want to know what you are doing . It's control. They want the girlfriend experience when they are not offering the same. Sorry if that all sounds harsh !

seating ?

Sadly, confused people can still damage others and in fact are usually the worst culprits .

mashable.com/2016/06/07/whatsapp-last-seen/#YjycU7ejJiql How true is this ...

Hmmm I see where you're coming from Bloody! If it is a form of control then he is the fool because he is spending a vast portion of his lads holiday messaging me which is a waste of his time when he could be enjoying himself! So it's him that's the fool not me.

Oldbrook I told a couple the other day and they have told me they are 100% behind me and I can move in with them if I need to. They are really close to me but their level of support shocked me.

I had the constant updates too, when we were in touch. All about his day, weekend, whatever. Very much a gf bf tone, but a bit one sided (not apparently so interested in my day!). At times I thought 'what am I, your mother?' - although not at the sexy messaging times!

I think it's just very easy to slip into a constant messaging routine, if there's someone who is always pleased to hear from you. Not necessarily a Lurve thing, just pleasant and comfortable.

@meow I can really resonate with that feeling of staying in on a sat night... Or any time that you originally would have spent with your NC. I struggled on Fridays... Six weeks ago I stayed in by myself and drank half an bottle of gin and cried buckets. Woke up the next day feeling bereft. Is there any thing you can do that's out of the normal... Swimming, cinema, take away... Anything that is not related to him?

@Bloody glad your date wasn't so bad but again I cried on the way back from mine. We can't replace them straight away but it's fab in itself that you are trying...

@nk your NC is clearly thinking about you... Obviously his lads holiday is not what it's cracked up to be and he is obviously missing you. Have you replied?

@ravens I had booked a hotel for me and my NC obviously presumes he is staying which is fine because it is what I want. I haven't heard anything from him today. I am remaining calm as I can't really do anything else. Our football teams are playing each other in the FA Cup tomorrow so he may message then. The weather is awful here so just pottering about today. Going to have a big tidy up now then settle down abs and watch the rugby later and sort out our what's app group xxx lots of love to you all

Oh my whole theory of NC deleting my parting message on screen has proved wrong.

He was online at 2 AM and my message was read at 2 AM..

Twat! That's all I can say

Hi all just got in from a very cold shoot and hopefully my couple will book (had to take dd with me and she drew them a picture and totally charmed them lol - she's my secret weapon!) and now snuggled up on the sofa with pooch! Will catch up with all your news and posts but wanted to say bloody hell 6k in 30 mins @seshi!!! Hats off and mucho kudos!!! It'd take me about 30 hours lol!!! Hope you're all ok and enjoying the snow

teens it doesn't mean he hadn't read it before on his notifications though! It just means he was thinking of you last night. As I said birthday doesn't mean he is thinking of her and that proves It! BUT just because he is thinking if you it isn't enough. You deserve so much more. Please try not to let this set you back

I can't figure out how to inbox you my number @Seshi

hi everyone

just skimmed this thread. i think you're all incredible. they say the truth shall set you free . looks like you're all well on the way to the 'get out of jail cards'

I'm attempting NC (day 6) with an old friend who resurfaced after my emotionally abusive marriage ended. my confidence was shredded and he seemed to get me... anyway i know there are lots of things in his life hes not happy with but hes refusing to do anything about them. he maintains i'm the sexiest, cleverest woman he knows (we've not had sex btw and seen eachother twice in the flesh in the last 30 months, we dont speak on the phone either, or whatsapp)

what the fuck. toxic is a good description, i think. i am 95% not waiting for him and know that hes not my only option, but the other 5% of me pines for the attention, the care, the listening ear.

thing is if i continue this friendship, my radar will be tuned out to the possibilities around me, so that i can meet someone that does actually give a shit and whose actions are congruent with their words

give it to me straight, i deserve the roasting