The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

NK sending hugs and support. I know it is awful having 'a talk' again. Please try not to feel guilty. Does it help thinking that you are releasing him free to go find someone who Loves him so he is happier too. You are not being cruel. You have tried. I know it is awful though

Thanks ladies. He is not without fault and has done some horrible things to me during our marriage. It's a toxic relationship he is just pulling out all the stops now that I am following through with stuff. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

Hello ladies... Just checking in and need to catch up with you all. @nk just seen that you have had a really emotional day.... I feel for you so much. I remember just how bloody painful it was splitting up from ex h. I left mine too but it crucified me. Sending you lots of love. @belonger so happy that you are turning a corner.... It's all that fab artwork you have been hanging in the cafe... It must have rubbed off!

How is everyone else? Well I ran 6k tonight... My race is on Sunday. I had a message from NC suggesting that we stay two nights in Yorkshire when we go see Kasabian... Not sure if it's just the early doors drinking talk? There is still every possibility that this time next week I will be at the gig alone and devastated!! On the plus side I could probably sell his ticket for a fortune

Fuck. So much damage. So sad.

@seshi hats off for 6k. I could even run 6 metres.
@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 having to do
The grown up thing sucks. I had the joyous job of telling my kids I was splitting with their dad. Even though he'd stated he thought my eldest should be taken into care. I felt like you did. But it does improve.

Wishing you all a peaceful weekend. I'll be here. Thanks to you all even if I haven't mentioned by name. Every one of you is important. X

Am I being dim? Fairly new to MN and not sure what this "no contact" thread is. Seen lots of posts about it being a lifesaver and could certainly use one of those!

@anxious I am here all weekend too x sleep well ladies

Unforgiven, basically it's not contacting... (& for some not replying to contact from...) an ex in the hope that either you will get over them without having the wound ripped open every time you talk, or that they will realise how much they miss you and change their mind.

We're all doing it a little differently, with different end goals in sight, feel free to hop on! The thread moves quite fast so don't worry if you can't keep up with everyone!

The starting position is that 30 days should help, but some find that they end up caving before that time is up, some of us are hoping we can go past 30 days, possibly even permanently. 30-60 days seems to be the optimal time frame for those who want to get over someone and for those who want the other person to miss them and beg them to come back!

My life consists of work, sleep and kids so me and seshi (and quite a few of us I bet) are here, the same as everyone has been here for us when things are shit. I'm ashamed to say I've opened a second bottle of wine because I'd rather do that than message/email my NC and ask him to come over. Because he would. But then I'd hate myself in the morning.

I'm trying to show my eldest boys that treating Their significant women badly is not clever but I end up crying when I relate it to my own experience,so now I worry I've fucked them up even more lol!

ginger I know what you mean. I felt like I was being all role model-y by showing by DCs not to put up with a situation that makes you feel bad, but all I've shown them is that I'm a mess without DP

Hopefully things will start looking up and we can model the great relationships we want for them at some point in the future, or that - god forbid - it's ok no to have a partner. Nah, not going to happen!

Seshi
Is the concert in Halifax?

Update re DS's hand: no sign of infection, healing nicely! Phew!

I'm one 1 week NC now , he appears online , my message is still unread..i think he read it onscreen and deleted it straight away..

Well I'm not messaging anymore so dignity slowly being regained!

Oh looks like it's his wife's birthday either today or just past, judging by her post..Im strangely calm even thinking about birthday sex ..

NK guilt is a powerful but second-hand emotion.

You are not happy, he's not making you happy, he only acting nice because he's got real threat of losing you.

I'd say separate, live apart, if the love will come back youll get back together, if not you'll gain peace away from his negativity .

Ginger take it easy on wine, it's easier to be offguard tipsy and start conversation with him and then regret next morning..maybe try to run 7 metres , gives adrenaline and uplifts you!
Seshi 6K wow you are my hero! Watch out NC, SESHI is superfit!😍

Oldbook good luck with new job, I'm so glad you are on new chapter , you have done so well you literally unrecognisable comparing to December..im confident you will find your happiness soon 😊

Seshi - 6K!! Wow. How long did it take for you to be able to do that? I really hope NC doesn't let you down. When he suggested staying longer did you discuss travelling together too?

Ginger - enjoy the wine guilt free. You have had a real rollcoaster lately.

Ginger and My I really worry what message I am sending my DC's too but we are trying to be strong and do right thing. I suppose it is still a valuable lesson for them.

NK - remember the toxicity and his role when you feel any guilt. You are not stopping him see DC's, you have very reasonably given him 4 months to find accommodation etc you are being very fair and kind in a very difficult situation

Teens - so glad DS is doing well. Even if he does have bday sex who knows who he is thinking of. I agree he must have read message but doesn't want you to know as doesn't know how to respond. Well done on 1 week. You sound like this is really it.

Hope everyone who it us night for gets some sleep and those who it is day have fun but leave us some cocktails xx

Just popping in and catching up with you all. Well done Oldbrook on sounding so sorted Ginger for sticking to your minimal contact plan and Bloody for no WhatsApp checking. Hello to everyone else and sending positivity to those who are having a tough time.

I’ve had a tough few days myself at home and seem to have lost all my strength that I’d gathered for the start of this week. Have seen my ‘not so NC’ at work these past couple of days and feel totally back under his spell but also know that that’s partly because my fantasy life with him is an escape from all I’m dealing with at home. When I look at him I feel like I’m in love and it hurts so much that he goes home without me and I without him. Am rambling now. I feel a bit of a fraud on here. I’m not in a NC situation but I know it’s only a matter of time. I also know that what I’m doing is morally questionable, well it’s more than that, it’s totally selfish and amoral and that it will be unpalatable to some. I hope you don’t mind me popping back in now and then. I’m not sure what else to do and I think Friday eves are my worst time.

Didn't cave. Even with the extra wine! Yay!

@MrsGryllsTheSecond you sound in a very lonely place. I've been where you are. No judgement here. Love sucks sometimes. But if it's hurting you, then it can't be good for you? Sending hugs xxxx

Morning ladies... Another weekend.. I don't have much planned apart from the race tomorrow and chores. @anxious well done for not caving in on the wine. Its always my downfall and my fingers go text crazy so I would say that's a deffo mini win! @teens yes the concert is in Halifax! He hasn't said anything about travelling up together. No more messages last night. He would have been in the pub.... So God knows what he got up to. He's such a lose canon. I know next week will be such an anxious time.
@nk how are you feeling this morning? Its a tough path but I agree with @teens you need to separate to gain any clarity, peace and perspective. The love could come back but it won't in this situation.
@woss how are you doing today?

@mrs don't feel like a fraud because you are currently in contact. Like @my said we are all at different stages.... And doing it for various reasons. I was only NC for just over 3 weeks. It definitely helps and there is every chance that this time next week I will be starting on day 1 again. One thing I know is that it works. I am just here in my bed having a cuppa and thinking how much different I feel to two months ago. I would wake up after a broken night's sleep feeling as sick as a dog. Could not eat was smoking and drinking like a loony. The worst thing was I could not find pleasure in anything.... Not even DS. Every fibre of my being was consumed by him. It was an utter addiction!! But it has got better. Don't get me wrong I still get anxious, still love him and still place way too much emphasis on if he will message but I know that I have made progress slowly.... And it's because of this thread, having that NC period and trying to practice self care. It's a bloody long road and so easy to regress. And I acknowledge that him being in contact has lifted me which is wrong. But I know for sure that if I hadn't have gone NC he would have run even further away. So in short NC is necessary whether you want to get someone back or move on completly. The process is the same. And if you start by doing it to get someone back there is every chance at the end of it you won't want them any longer.

WE ARE WARRIORS!!!!!!

Ps @anxious 6k in 30 minutes... It was a pb for me.... I am determined to get so fit and strong that I can literally kick his sorry arse into touch if he fucks me around any more!!!

@oldbrook evening! Is an oracle like a medium?

@oldbrook that does sound intriguing!

Morning . Not good today . I went on my laptop last night and his email was logged on and I find a message from someone offering nsa